Happy Days?

[Felypsa]

Hawk’s words should have reassured her. They, in fact, only made her more distressed. He may forgive me, or pretend to forgive me, but I know I’ll never be able to forgive myself, she thought, navy blue eyes still watery from tears. The blood of Daddy and Istariel are on my paws as surely as if I had killed them myself. I swear, I shall never again be selfish. She shook her head. But that might not be any good. Even when I tried to be selfless, two of my dear loved ones died. And worse, a piece of Hawk’s heart has died. I don’t think he’ll ever be the same again…it must be horrible, a death in life. All because of me. She stared at her companion, her sorrow increasing and threatening to destroy her. She could see the deadness in Hawk’s eyes. It hurt her almost as much as the deaths of Fiendark and Istariel.

Ammolite decided not to say another word, for what could possibly be said? No amount of apologies or forgiveness could erase what already was. Ammolite trudged along her dear friend slowly, silently, vowing not to speak unless Hawk spoke to her first. I am lower than the lowest of criminals. A murderer—of my friend who was as close to me as a sister, and of my father.

Azarak carefully climbed onto Ammolite’s back as she passed by, and together they left the evil grove and its stench of death and grief behind. But the lizard knew it would take much more to leave the effects behind. He glanced up at the sky. What can I do? he asked silently, addressing his god, addressing even Phoebus, who had he still been with them would have understood Azarak’s inner helplessness and pain. I am to guard them—but the perils of their emotions are greater threats than anything physical I can protect them from. I have failed. I led them into this trap, got Fiendark killed, and nearly lost Hawk too. I did nothing when I knew Istariel might die. I know I couldn’t have done otherwise in either of those situations, but what can I do now? How can I help these poor young friends of mine to live through this, which above all has been the worst thing they have endured? He let out a sigh, knowing that praying and mourning would help no one. Slipping into his practical self, he said, “Let’s all get back now. I’m sure Hawk’s children are eager to meet their father, and the monarchs to see you both safe again.” Azarak did not say “home,” for really, he did not know what qualified as home for these two wandering friends who have lost everything…but each other.

oOc| Migosh, this roleplay has me all depressed...;.; Everyone's dying! -sniffs-

[Monkey Monk]

As Azarak's words floated out into the air, Hawk paused in his
step. His eyes looked out to the east silently, dull and almost
lifeless looking. Emotions were devoid within him, having been
destroyed along with his heart. Without his heart around,
rational thought was all he had. The mentioning of his children
had been what brought the truth of what had to be done. Hawk
knew nothing of raising young properly. Any child he would rear
would turn out like him, a killer. There was no denying that he
was indeed that. Just because he didn't kill innocents anymore
didn't change what he had always been since that day he was
kidnapped. The cold realization of what had to be done would
have hurt him dearly if he could have felt. However it was for the
best, of both the emotions and lives of everyone.

Slowly Hawk brought his gaze down from the horizon. He looked
to the other for a moment before beginning to walk in the
direction he had been gazing moments ago. It was the opposite
way to where Azarak said they were to go, and Hawk made no
motion for the others to follow. When he was on the far side of
the clearing, the golden mascu paused. The sunlight from the
west shone down it's rosey hues and splashed off his pelt. The
scene was reminiscent to the day he had left to rescue Istariel.
However now the beauty was morbid and macabre. After a
moment, his pained voice managed to choke out the words from
the constant hurt he felt. "I can not go back...Without me, pain
will not exist. Ammolite, I want you to take care of my children.
Do not let them become me. Do not let them become killers. Do
not even let them know about me. I must.." His voice trailed off
and his head looked down. After a few moments he once more
began to speak. "I must leave these lands...I must go away
from this entire side of the planet. I don't know where I am
going or if I'll ever be back. Just grant me those wishes and
please do not try to stop me. Remember, I am a killer whether
directly or through my choices. Both of you may see blame in
yourself, but it all resides in me. I always seemed to make the
wrong turns onto the wrong paths. Small turns that branched
out further and further from what was meant to be. Remember
my wishes and please uphold them. Raise them as your own for
it may be the last gift I may ever be able to give you." With that
he looked to Azarak. "And I want you to swear on my life that
you will not allow my wishes to be broken. You are wise in many
aspects. I want you to teach my children to resolve problems in
ways that do not end in blood. I want my children to be better
than I which should not be a hard task." Slowly he began to
walk into the forest as his voice drifted off. He did not look back
as he treaded slowly. He wished dearly that they would not try
to stop him, because he was bent on having it so his children
would not have the pain of him raising them. It was to be either
this or a much more brutal and final way.

OOC: Sorry, I planned that for a while xP

[Felypsa]

oOc| guh! stupid, selfless Hawk -smacks him- you know Ammolite won't take that for an answer x3

Ammolite paused when Hawk changed directions, looking up at him as he walked away from herself and Azarak. As he began to speak, her eyes became orange, more and more confused. The things he was saying…they frightened her. He did not seriously believe it, did he? Ammolite’s eyes became a sudden swirl of colors as the mixture of emotions inside her increased. When it seemed Hawk was finally done with his speech, she acted.

She ran over in front of him and stood there solidly, eyes blazing with colors. “You know what sickens me about you?” she began, her voice quiet but firm. “You never do anything because you want to. You’re always thinking about others, and you’re always criminalizing yourself. You just said that it was nobody’s fault! And you know what I think?” Everything had suddenly become clear to her as she spoke. She took a step towards him, her maw curved in a snarl. “I think it’s my fault. I think it’s your fault. I think it’s Azarak’s and Father’s and Istariel’s and Phoebus’s and Spectre’s faults. I think it’s everybody’s fault. And yes, it’s sad. And yes, I don’t think I can ever forgive myself. And from what you’re saying, it sounds like you can’t ever forgive yourself either. But that’s no excuse—you hear me—no excuse for leaving your children behind.

“You’re too busy thinking about all the mistakes you’ve done. You’re too busy feeling sorry for yourself for all the harm you think you’ve caused. You think you won’t be a good father because your life is falling apart all around you. Let me tell you this. I lived my entire life up until recently without my father. Without knowing who he was, what he was, where he was…I had only my Mother, and when she died I had no one. I won’t wish that kind of life on anybody.” She growled. “The mother of your children is already dead. Will you leave and take away any kind of certainty, any reliability, any love they might have? Yes, if you insist on that garbage of leaving so that they don’t become killers, I will look after them. I will love them as if they were my own. I will be the best mother I can be, without being the one who gave physical birth to them. But listen to me. They need a father. And you’re the best one they’ve got, whether you think so or not.

“So go ahead and leave, if you think that’s the best course. And once I’ve raised your children to be wonderful nonkillers, then you can come back and explain to them why you left. I’m sure they’ll understand. I’m sure they’ll think, ‘Oh, Daddy abandoned us because he loved us. He was only doing what’s best for us. Well that makes up for all the cold nights we spent clamoring for a father.’ Can’t you see that they need you?” Ammolite looked at him straight on, angry tears in her multicolored eyes. “And what if something happens to me? Then they’ll have lost their real mother and their pseudo-mother. Not to mention their real father. Will you make your children orphans? Will you deny them the joy and love that children have for fathers? Will you deny yourself the loving pride as you watch them grow?”

She sighed. “So you’re doing your typical ‘I’m doing this for others, not for myself, because this is what’s best.’ They won’t know the difference. You won’t make them killers because you’ll be there for them. For all you know, because they don’t have a father, they might lean towards the tendency to kill, mistakenly or purposefully, despite all my efforts. I’ll be their mother, Hawk, but I can’t work miracles. I can’t invent fatherly influence where there is no father. I can’t be their father too. You’ve got to be there for them. For me. For Istariel. For yourself.” She glared at him. They were harsh words, all, but necessary. She couldn’t let Hawk leave. “I won’t let your pigheaded altruism ruin the lives of your children. I won’t let you abandon them. They’re Istariel’s children, and they bear part of the immortal life of Phoebus. Even if you don’t feel anything for your own children, at least feel something for your deceased lover and guardian. Don’t reject their gifts and ultimate sacrifice for you. Because they did it all for you. Accept it. And if you walk away from that…” She shook her head helplessly. “There are no words.”

Ammolite was finally done speaking. She took a step back, watching Hawk, but not moving from his path. It was his decision, of course. He had better make the right one.

oOc| x.x; I'm really sorry, I had a lot to say. ^^;;

[Monkey Monk]

As Ammolite's words ricocheted about in his head, the
abandoned emotions began to stir once more. Ever possible
feeling seemed to be swirling in his mind, causing confusion and
indecision. That indecision made fear, and thusly anger, grow to
monstrous proportions. Indecision caused pain and suffering, at
least that was what he had learned from experience. His head
drooped low as he listened to the femme's rant. She talked as if
she knew everything about him, as if she could see everything
he thought. However she did not. The mascu lifted his head and
gazed her dead in the eye once she had finished speaking. If
she wanted to say such things about him, than she would need
to know everything. His fears, sins, pains, and all.

"You don't understand. There are dangers out there, enemies
that want to destroy all those close to me in front of my eyes
before killing me. When I was an Elite, I was the one who took
the young children and led them from the fighting. I was the one
who kidnapped those children, countless amounts, and brought
them to a life of destruction, killing, and death. I was the one
who took Shanto's children and Icewolf was the one to kill
Shanto's mate. Icewolf and I are the ones that Shanto wants
dead. We are the ones that destroyed that who was Shanto
and drove him to become what he is now. It is because of me
and Icewolf that Shanto is now running amok and killing
ruthlessly. He is the bane of our very existence. I have heard
the stories, Shanto kills all but children. However that is because
he sees those children as innocents just as his was. Mercy will
not be saved for my children which is why Shanto can not know
they are mine!

You can stand there and say all those things to me. You can call
me a selfless jerk or any other curse in any other language.
However you do not have the true loneliness that I do.
Everyone needs someone to support them. You have Azarak but
who do I have? First I had Taggerung, but now he wants to kill
me because of love. Then I had Phoebus but he died in order to
save many lives. Then I had Istariel but now she is dead and
has been used as a toy by that bastard Spectre. Who do I have
now? Who do I have to treat me with kindness, to shelter me
and tell me things will be alright? No one! I have no one to do
those things anymore!

"You want to hear the words from my mouth?! Fine! I'll admit it! I
am scared, scared right out of my wits! I can't function without
some sort of drive, guidance, or aid! I am a coward, a lousy,
terrible coward! I don't know what to do! I don't want my
children to see their father, the amazing coward, fail at
everything he tries! I am useless! I could not save Phoebus, I
could not save Istariel, I could not save your father, and I can
not save myself! How long do I have to live Ammolite? How long
before I find myself gasping for breath on the ground, blood
spewing forth from my wounds and mouth, pooling around my
body as my life drains from me!? How long!? Death is inevitable
and no one can avoid it. Do you want my children to be there to
watch as their father experiences a bloody, painful death?
Imagine the pain you feel over the loss of your father and then
multiply it by a hundred! Fiendark had a painless death, great
spirits rest his soul. I can see the pain you feel for him now, but
imagine how it would be if you had seen him sprawled out over
the ground, torn apart like the prey from a hunt, begging for
escape from the pain? How would you feel?!

"You want my children to experience that? Then fine. I will stay. I
will rear them on my own. I will tell them stories of watching
friends die and end it off with a warning never to kill. I will tell
them the story of a low ex-soldier who met a princess and fell in
love. I will try to guide them as I have always been guided. And,
when the time comes, I will teach them how to wield the powers
they hold within. Yet all those things will only happen if my
numerous enemies do not slay me first. For I would be alone in
any battle from her on. I will have no one to talk to, show
affection to, or ask guidance from. My children will see their
father for what he is: a broken, useless, coward." His voice was
hoarse and his eyes moist with unshed tears. The golden mascu
slipped past Ammolite, walking toward the fringe of trees that
was the way back to the underground. His body was trembling
with sobs he tried futilely to hide. His very spirit was broken and
Ammolite's harsh words had only crushed the pieces to dust.

[Felypsa]

What had she done? She had awoken in her closest friend the emotions he must have been suppressing for who knows how long. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? she wondered. No matter. The very words rocked her to her core. As he pushed past her, she was at a loss. For the first time, she felt she was in the wrong. She felt horrible, like she had condemned Hawk to a life of misery and pain and loneliness because of the cold rational argument she’d used. She’d stepped into a life she didn’t fully understand and tried to take control…and now look at what she’d done. Her dear friend, yes the one she’d loved for all this time, was broken. And even worse, his words about being alone and having no one stung her more deeply than anything else.

“Hawk,” she said softly. Her voice trembled, and she no longer looked straight into his eyes. She felt she did not have the right to anymore. “Hawk, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…” Shouldn’t have what? Shouldn’t have encountered him on that fateful day when he came to life from a creek? Shouldn’t have introduced him to Istariel? Shouldn’t have fallen in love with him herself? She had begun to weep again, but silently. “Hawk, listen to me. I don’t understand, I can’t understand the pain you’ve gone through, and I’m sorry for even trying. But won’t you listen to me…” She drew in a shaky breath. “You are no coward. At least, not to me. You are the bravest wolf I’ve ever known because you’ve stood in the face of all this pain and suffering and you’ve lived. And if you were scared, that only proves that you’re not a cold-blooded killing monster like Shanto or Spectre.

“You want to know the truth, then, Hawk?” she went on, her voice very quiet and still. “You think yourself a coward. As I said, I think you are the most courageous person I know. You think yourself alone. I wish you did not have to think that. I know I am no wise and powerful Phoebus. I know I am no beautiful and wonderful Istariel. I’m just Ammolite. But I wish you would accept the fact that you are not alone, you have me, you’ve always had me, even when you didn’t need me, I was always there for you.” She lowered her head and stared at a tiny flower as if it were the most fascinating thing in the world.

“I was always there…and I’ll continue to be there, if you asked it, and even if you didn’t. You say you are afraid of raising your children to see you slain. You say you are afraid of Shanto finding you and killing them for revenge. Those are very real fears, and I can say nothing to disprove them. But forgive me, I must ask you to do as you always do. To be brave in the face of fear. But I won’t ask you to do it alone. I can’t ask that of anybody.” She let out a long sigh. “Look, Hawk, if you go off alone, who’s to say I or your children will ever see you again? Maybe your children will never feel the pain of losing a father they never knew. But I will. I have known you for so long, it seems. You have been my close companion and dear friend. We have survived many terrible adventures together. Do you think I’ll be able to walk away from you and never feel regret? Do you think I’ll be able to live, never knowing if you’re alive, dead, or tortured?

“If it’s an enemy you fear the greatest, then the worst thing we can do is get separated. Did you think I would not stand by you and protect you and your children if Shanto came? I will. I’ll do whatever it takes. I’ll stay with you, always. You will never be alone unless you choose that path yourself. Please, Hawk. Come with me, with us. Meet your children. I’ll still be their mother as you ask, if you would only be their father. I know this is a lot to ask of you. I know you’d only be exposing yourself to more pain. But the joy and love you and your children will share is surely worth the risk.”

She stepped closer to him, and finally she gathered the courage to raise her head and look at him. Her eyes were violet, golden, emerald, a beautiful mixture of colors. “If you think your life’s days are numbered, would you not rather spend them with people you love than alone? For you will never be alone as long as I live. I do not know if that is enough…but it is all I have, and I am giving it to you. What will you choose?” she finished, her voice so soft it was barely audible.

[Monkey Monk]

Hawk slowly closed his eyes and turned his head, finding himself
unable to look at Ammolite directly to her gaze. He took a deep
breath before speaking out once more. "Icewolf is training new
Defenders. His friend Yueh has fallen. There is much death
around, much corruption. One who you have called friend for
many years can be dead or your enemy the next time you turn
to gaze at them. Shanto is called The Disease for a reason. His
soul craves for the eternal rest of death, but is denied it
because of the oath he swore back in those accursed northern
mountains. With each death to his body, his soul passes to the
realm of the spirits for but a moment. Then the magic of the
Blood Oath brings it back. With each death, the body is modified.
The Blood Oath will not allow Shanto to stop until the balance is
met.

"I guess I should describe the workings of this magic. Azarak
might understand it better than even I do. Everything thing
needs balance. Where there is drought, there will eventually be
rain. Where there is destruction, there will eventually be life. The
Blood Oath has to follow these rules of balance. It is one of the
seven Sacred Oaths. My family swore the Light Oath. In return
for a guardian and a power that is passed down through each
generation, we must serve the Gods when we are called upon.
With the Blood Oath, one must burn the remains of those they
want to avenge. Then they must mix their own blood into the
ashes and coat himself in it. The result is immortality and
immense power. However once revenge has been met, the user
loose not only their immortality and power, but their life as well.

"Shanto wants to avenge his mate and children. He knows his
mate to be dead and only assumes the same for his children.
There lies the problem. His children are still alive and so the
Blood Oath has manifested. Because he swore vengeance on
that which is not dead, the Blood Oath needs more victims in
which to keep the balance. Kenei was one of those Infected. The
Infected receive powers, but not immortality. Shanto can Infect
countless souls which have to serve him, and effectively the
Blood Oath in their entirety. If one is Infected and told to kill
himself, they have to do it. Usually it takes a while for the
Infection to spread through the body. That is why Shanto tries
to infect one when they are fighting or running. The blood works
faster during those activities and spreads The Disease quickly.

There is no way to truly kill Shanto until his vengeance is met. He
will keep his war campaign until all of us original Elite die by his
hand. Taggerung, DeathBlood, Icewolf, Zues, Thor, Eagle,
Savage, Falchion, and myself. There was another, Raven, but
Shanto already killed him and used that death to steal Raven's
soul and powers for his own. Savage and Falchion are dead, but
they died by Taggerung which only further complicates the
situation. We thought we had killed Shanto. That night when he
murdered Icewolf's first mate and son and we pushed him over
a cliff. I watched as he was impaled on the spires of stone far
below, and that knowledge, along with what Phoebus told me in
the limbo he took me to after his death, is how I know all this."

Slowly Hawk's voice began to trail off. He at last lifted his gaze to
look into Ammolites. He spoke out in his same broken, seemingly
life-less voice as he had. "So tell me. Do you honestly want to
stand against that force? There are only two choices. Die or run.
Shanto will press on driven by the Blood Oath until he has
fulfilled the balance. There will be no where to hide. All will
succumb to his Disease unless he is somehow stopped. You ask
me what I will do? I tell you this. I will return to my children. I will
spend as much time as I can with them. And when the inevitable
day comes, I will trek out to face Shanto and my death. Love has
abandoned me. My soul, my heart...they are shattered. I have
but one use left in this world at the moment. That is to try my
best as a father to keep my children alive. Stand by me if you
wish, but know that death would very likely come from that. Fear
not if you do not wish to any more. I feel so much pain right now
that I doubt I could have any more..."

[Felypsa]

When Hawk began to speak of fierce magics, and the evil force behind Kenei, Ammolite took a deep breath and tried to listen, tried to understand. Azarak surely understood this all, but Ammolite had not felt the little lizard’s usual presence on her back. It seemed he had skipped out while she and Hawk dialogued so passionately. Nevertheless, Ammolite slowly began to understand what Hawk was telling her. Truth be told, it horrified her. Truth be told, she was terrified of Shanto and the inevitable destruction and havoc he would cause on so many people’s lives.

But one fact remained. It was no longer a whimsy, no longer an idea. It had solidified into something true and something real, even if she was the only one to acknowledge it. She decided to speak. “Hawk, these forces…they’re frightening. Maybe it is true that you’ll have to give yourself up to Shanto eventually. But truly, you died once already.” She looked him in the eye, as if she were trying to force him to remember it. “But you came back. And then you met the creature who brought you back. He was very evasive, as I recall, but you must be assured that he brought you back for a reason. Maybe more than one reason. Your friends all returned as well. You have been given this second chance. You must not throw it away just yet.

“And maybe the day will come when we will say goodbye. And maybe I will die because if this Blood Oath and the depth of Shanto’s revenge. But I will never regret it for a moment. Do you know why, Hawk?” She stepped closer to him, feeling oddly calm. “Because I’ll have spent the remainder of my life with you, helping you to raise your children. There is nothing greater. Hawk, this may seem petty now, and there is nothing I can do to mend your shattered spirit, because, simply, of who I am…”

She paused, but she couldn’t let it hang now. “Hawk, I love you,” she said simply. “I have loved you for a while. You are my greatest friend, and we’ve been through a lot together. I won’t quit on you now, or ever. You’ll always have me. And I’ll never regret it if I give my life for you. My only regret is and will be that I cannot save you from this pain.” She finally stopped, for she feared if she kept talking she would reveal things that Hawk would not like to hear. So she merely said, “Now you know. Now I know. Shall we go on? I would very much like to be free of the influence of this dark place. And I’m sure Azarak is waiting somewhere, not too patiently, either.”

[Monkey Monk]

Ammolite's last confession made Hawk even more confused than
he had been before. How could he have been so blind as to
have missed his friend's feelings? How could he have been so
blind so as to missed his own? Slowly he shook his head to
steady himself. He couldn't allow love into his life again, not yet
at least. He had just lost the one who he had thought he would
spend the rest of his life with...Oh how much he missed Istariel.
How much he missed Phoebus, his parents, and even Fiendark.
Hawk for a moment wished for the times when everything had
been simple, the times when he had been an Elite. Yet that wish
was quickly casted away. He would not go back to a life of
senseless killing. In truth, if he never had to take another life in
his own then he would be happy.

Without speaking a word, Hawk began to walk toward the edge
of the clearing. Ammolite's words had set his world off-center.
Now he didn't know what was right. He didn't know where the
sun set nor where it rose. Everything was so confusing, and
what was worse was the feeling that he would not have much
more time to try and decipher this seemingly new realm. His
golden head slowly sank to the earth as he walked. Now he
knew why Icewolf had told them that love was more dangerous
than anything when they had walked forth from their home in
the North Mountains. Love could make the sharpest of minds
stupid, the quickest of reflexes slow, and the strongest of
warriors weak. This world was cruel and unforgiving. It gave
great things and took them away when they were needed most.
Hawk sighed as he wished that he had Istariel. That he had
someone to love unconditionally and be loved the same way in
return.

[Felypsa]

Ammolite’s first response was despair, when Hawk walked away from her without a word. And even after all that, were her feelings never to be returned? But a few moments later, that old emotion of hopeless yearning was replaced by something more…content. As she gazed at Hawk, sitting there alone, she was filled with a sense of peace.

She had nothing more to hide. She hadn’t realized how that great secret had burdened her until now, when she was at last free of it. And whether Hawk felt the same way or not (and of course he did not! He still loved Istariel), Ammolite’s feelings would not change. Now, at least, he knew. Now the air was clear. Now there were no secrets between them, unless Hawk was still hiding something, which Ammolite very much doubted.

But she sensed some distress on Hawk’s part, and realized how tactless she had been. Well, she would not take it back, but she could try to make amends. She walked over to Hawk slowly. “Hawk, please don’t think you have to feel or say or do anything,” she said softly, sincerely. “Really, I understand. You love Istariel, and you always will. I have made my peace with that, and I don’t intend to attempt to replace her in your life. I’d never do that.” She said this last with such passion that it was impossible to disbelieve her.

“I only told you that I love you so that you’d know I’d never leave you.” She drew in a shaky breath. “I feel you should have someone you know you can trust, at all times. I am that one. And don’t think I’m swearing myself to be at your side out of sheer blind love. Even if I didn’t love you as much as I do, I’d still do this. Because the fact remains that you are my greatest friend, and we have stood together for so long, that I won’t desert you now.” She managed a small smile.

“So now you know. But please don’t feel ashamed that you don’t return my feelings. I understand.” She sighed. “When you are ready, we shall return.” Ammolite had nothing more to say, so she walked away and let Hawk muse everything on his own. She found Azarak waiting in the grass, and laid down beside him, though they did not exchange words. They did not need to. Ammolite’s eyes said it all.

[Monkey Monk]

For hours Hawk simply sat where he was. Was Ammolite right?
Did he not return her feelings? For some reason he felt that was
not true, and a part of him feared that. It was too early for him
to fall in love again. What would others think? What would his
children ask? Could he let his heart be put on the line once more
when it was still shattered? Questions swarmed his mind like a
cloud of locusts, picking away at every grain of the field of his
mind. Life was too confusing, too muddled. He didn't know what
to do and there was no longer anyone to guide him. That
knowledge left a sinking feeling within his chest. Slowly he
closed his eyes and tried to make some sense out of anything.
However at the moment it was a fool's dream. A fool was what
he labeled himself.

The moon was high in the clear night sky when he finally began
to move. The silence about was deafening, if such an oxymoron
can be true. All the creatures of the forest had gone to bed, and
those that were awake were designed for silence. Slowly Hawk
walked toward where Ammolite and Azarak were. He looked
almost like the golden ghost of a broken spirit. The sad thing
was that he felt like one. Without saying a word, he began to
walk past them toward the direction of the entrance to the
underground. He didn't trust his voice for he thought if he
uttered one word all his thoughts would pour out as they had
before. He had told Ammolite many, many things. Some of them
he had kept secret and others were little known facts. Still, she
was unaware of a vast part of his life. He still did not touch upon
those years as an Elite when conversation for he did not want
to.

[Felypsa]

Ammolite did not mind spending so much time waiting for Hawk. Truthfully, she needed the time alone as much as he did. Though she felt at peace, she was still very worried for Hawk. It was easy enough for her, despite all she’d lost…it was nothing compared to the pain and inner conflict that Hawk must daily endure. Yes, she grieved for her father. They had been reunited only to be torn apart again. Yet, that strange sense of peace that pervaded the rest of her also softened her sorrow. Fiendark was where he belonged: with her mother, whom he loved with his entire being. It was hardly right that one parent lived while the other was dead. And though Ammolite missed them both terribly, she was content to know that they were together, looking down at her, looking out for her.

When Hawk finally came over, Ammolite looked up and smiled, even though the atmosphere was not one for smiling. She could tell he was still far from mended, and that inner turmoil was threatening to break him even further. That was partly why she smiled: she conveyed so much warmth in it, telling him that no matter what happened, everything would be okay.

“Let’s go,” said Azarak tersely, as if they had not just endured a long, trying day, full of death and sorrow and everything in between. The lizard hopped onto Ammolite’s back and pointed in a certain direction. “I can remember the way we came. If we hurry, we’ll be there by midnight, but there’s no rush.” He fell silent as Ammolite began to walk in the direction of the Underground. Ironic, he reflected. This was how it all began. The three of us heading to the Underground. Strange how we’ve all come so far in so short a time…

[Monkey Monk]

Hawk did not change his pace, but kept a slow trot toward their
goal. His eyes seemed glued to the grounds. So many thoughts
and so much confusion plagued his mind. When Ammolite smiled,
he had barely registered it. What was he going to do now?
What was he going to tell his children? Mommy died giving
birth to you and when once she was dead I wanted to run off an
abandon you. The truth struck a blow deep to him. What had
he done? What could he do? Would his children grow to hate
him? Surely if he told them the truth they would. However if he
kept it secret when they discovered the truth they would still
hate him. The thought of the last memories of his Istariel and
Phoebus hating him was horrifying. These thoughts are what
sent him further into the ravine of depression and self-isolation
he was falling into.

[Felypsa]

oOc| -shakes head- Dude, Hawk, like...get some Prozac or something...totally look in the bright side of life, man.

Once or twice Ammolite would sneak a look at Hawk as they traveled along. What she saw disrupted her inner peace. He is far too gone for me to save him, she realized sadly. I do all I can, but that won’t be enough. There was a hint of frustration building up in her: after all, would she ever be enough? She was tired of never being truly good enough to help. She was sick of being helpless, watching the one she loved the most slowly fall the downward spiral into despair.

Istariel, Phoebus, why did you have to die? she asked the sky silently. You’re the only two who could save him from himself. I can’t do this alone! I can’t convince him to move on! I can’t be the only one who cares to try to help him. I’ll do everything I can, I’ll give my life for him, but that’s not enough…I need you, too.

Night had long since fallen by the time they reached the Underground. None of them had exchanged so much as a word. Even Azarak was respectfully and thoughtfully silent. Ammolite began to lead the way down the familiar tunnels into the deep Underground, bracing herself for what she’d find. The deceased corpse of her sister-friend, the distraught faces of the monarchs…the sorrow-stench only increasing as Ammolite would have to tell the news of her own father’s death. Fiendark had been a well-respected and well-liked cave-demon, for all his eccentricities. Ammolite hated to be the bearer of bad news…especially when she still in mourning herself.

But maybe…the glimmering lights of the jewels in Dalia’s Lake danced across Ammolite’s multicolored eyes. Maybe there was hope. Though the odor of grief was still thick in the air, as all demons mourned the passing of their beautiful beloved princess, there was a single ray of hope. The children. The newborn pups of the lovely Princess Istariel and her consort, the warrior, Hawk. Ammolite found herself looking forward to seeing the children of the two friends she loved the most. They were bound to be beautiful, filled to the brim with love and hope for the future.

[Monkey Monk]

Hawk paused as he walked past Ammolite in the underground.
So many things ran through his mind. He wanted to do so many
things, say so much. However when he opened his mouth to
speak, his voice failed him. A sigh was all that escaped his
mouth before he walked past her. What was wrong with him?
Those feelings he had felt before on their many adventures
were running rampant throughout his body and mind. What was
he to do? What was he supposed to do? It was all too much for
his broken heart. Could it be possible that he had made a
mistake in mating Istariel? How could he even think that?! Poor
Hawk felt like he was going to break down. Slowly he walked
toward the ward where he hoped his children would be.

OOC: Sorry, my mind just died xD

[Felypsa]

oOc| lol, I understand ^^

“Now that we are here,” Azarak said, breaking the ominous silence around them, “I must speak with the monarchs about several things. You two should get some rest in the ward. Hawk, I believe your children are waiting there, being watched over by a nurse cave-demon. I will catch up with you all later.” The lizard leaped down and scurried off to where the monarchs were. Even though he could communicate with them via mindspeech, he preferred to say his news face-to-face. Besides, he was giving Ammolite and Hawk a gift. They wouldn’t have to confront anybody else yet, except for Hawk’s children.

Ammolite sighed in relief when Azarak went off on his business. I am so glad I don’t have to face Melkior and Valkyrie yet, she thought. I really didn’t want to be the messenger of such sad tidings. She glanced at Hawk warmly and walked off to the ward. There was a nurse cave-demon there, but she bowed to them both and departed without a word. Slowly, hesitantly, Ammolite approached the soft bed of feathers and leaves, where there were three young newborns waiting. She caught her breath. They were all three of them so beautiful. “Oh, Hawk,” she said, “you are so blessed.”

Yes indeed, the children of Hawk and the princess Istariel were just as lovely as their parents. There were two females and a male. One female squeaked loudest of them all, shoving her siblings aside so she could get closer to the two new arrivals. She was as sleekly black as her mother had been, except there were curving golden stripes in curious patterns all over her body. Her eyes, which were pale orange, were surrounded by patches of gold fur, giving her the appearance of huge golden eyes. She had small silky butterfly wings that draped along her body, as black-gold as the rest of her. Her tail was long and sinuous like a snake, and was black save for the very tip, which was gold. She wagged her tail happily, though it hit one of her two siblings in the nose. She was so full of joy, so full of love, ready and willing for the world…a true daughter of a princess.