Hold Your Breath and Believe

[ame]

The ancient grey sky blended with the peaks of the far-away mountains that seemed like a distant dream on another plain of existance. Several shades of grey ranging from black to nearly white mixed and half-blended and danced in the high wind of the heavens teasing the ground with rain and mist and fog. Oh, so thick it was that barely anything could see in it, and the visibility was only a few feet... If someone was to run too fast, they'd hit a tree in no time... But 'tis not a tree here, it was a monument, a sacred place almost. A hushed silence lingered here, creepily, and it seemed only a few feet back it was alive with bird songs even in the thick fog. It was quieter than a battlefeild of long years passed, from a time of hate that so contrasted the present. It was a heavy feeling, heavy for the greatest of anything. Heavier than the sea, heavier than the mountains.... Yet so light that it was scary. It was heavy with sorrow, light with greatness and honor, heavy with hate, and light with a never-dying love... Never dying love.... It could be felt by even the numbest of the numb, heartless of the heartless, ignorant of the ignorant, yet seemed like a gentle winter breeze. It was so rigid that time, the toughest of all blades, could not harm it, so delicate that you could move it with a breath, so light, so heavy, so sad, so loving, so old, so young, so hateful, so caring..... It was all that could be offered, and anyone with a brain could see that it was holy and majestic and that this place was alive. More alive than the birds, more alive than the playful pups, more alive than the whole of the earth, yet deader than the bones in the crevices of the dream-like mountains.

This was all the feelings, not describable by words in any langauge that were felt by the darker than new moon wolfen that oh so carefully and gently tread the terra. Oh, she felt it, though heartless as she was said to be, though hated as she was, though so wrongdone she was. No one could miss it, and not be humbled by it. Yes, humbled she was.... Her long fur was the colour of the new moon, and stained with many large blotches of blood-crimson... Her long, swooping tail, tagged by a bloodied red tip with a strange streak about the side of it swayed behind her, though crooked, giving her the balance needed to walk... No, she didn't walk, she appeared more as a ghost in the lonely fog in the holy clearing. Maybe the bloodied wolfen was a ghost, doomed to roam the lands searching for something she could never get. Her contrasting light, angelic, emerald eyes held so much love and longing as she scanned the clearing in vain looking for a way out. She feeared she had entered a forbidden land, and broken a taboo... This seemed like just the place she'd get killed for going in...
She stopped, a chill running down her long spine from skull to her red tail tip. She saw something.... A spirit, it seemed..... Watching from the mist... She paused, then blinked to check if it was there... No, it was strange. She carefully stepped twice, her bloodied dark coat rippling over her frame, not at all of a predator, or what she was made out to be, but of a scrawny, starved wolfen. Her ribs were visible from yaards away... And her stomach shrunken in making her hind legs look so long. Her legs were very skinny, and narrow, the little muscle left showed through the thick, mangey looking coat... At least she was lucky enough not to actually have mange, though.
How? she asked herself, how'd I get this way? Am I really dead? I must've died, a long, long time ago..... She shook her head, the thick, rather long tuft of fur on her head being tossed back and forth. "I must have died alone, a long, long time ago...." she said almost rythmaticly...
Just then after another step, a tower came into veiw. No, it wasn't a tower, it was a tree.... But, the closer her malnurished form got, the more she felt those feelings, those contradicting feelings... She wanted to just fall, just to quit on life and all. She had no one, no one would care... If she wasn't already dead, this was the place to do it... Her tired, worthless, mangy-looking legs buckled, and she fell. She fell for what felt like miles to the holy earth, welcoming the crows to come take her soul away, but they didn't come.... She was left there.... Not even death wanted this mangy, scroungey, forgotten, bitch-of-a-wolf creature knocking on Heaven's doors... It seemed even god had forgoten aboout her. One thing, though. One more thing to do before she died... Tell someone her name.

Ketsueki... The lost wolfen...

[Aveilthé]

A breeze was howling through Hakeshii Shizukesa. Then all was
silent. The many grasses upon the field then rustled, but no noise
emitted from them. A brilliant white moon seem to glow the brightest
in the heavens, many stars dotting the sky, giving off minor
light also.



The atmosphere seemed restless, for the night was very much
alive. The many white markings from Hakeshii Shizukesa gave
off a soft effervescent glow beneath the moon. Almost shimmering,
it seemed, but it had never quite shimmered in such a way as it
was doing.



Suddenly there was a small flash, and energy seem to be
gathering in midair before the tree. It was noiseless, and
in every way mysterious as a whispy, glowing orb appeared,
hovering many feet above the ground. It was transparent,
and emitted a ghostly light. In a way it was beautiful, also.



It did not seem to have life, though it was stirring and emitting
white, gossamer-like smoke around a basketball-sized orb.
It did however, flit to and fro as if it were a newborn colt
attempting to comprehend its surroundings. Something did seem
to catch it's attention, however, for it gently descended toward
a figure by the tree. It was a wolf. Alas, it was not living. It
seemed beyond death.



Though as mysterious as the orb was, it seemed to have
listened to the words that came from the wolf before it died.
The orb shimmered a soft white in lament, crying for the dead.



Suddenly, the tree that had been dormant of any other life
was instantly sprung with it. Large, beautiful white flowers
were blossoming before the world, opening up until their petals
curled elegantly about their stalks. They looked similar to cross
between cherry blossoms and roses. At that instant, one by one,
the flowers broke from their stalks and began to fall gently
down like dancers upon the breeze, but only landed around the
poor, fallen creature.



A voice, that sounded far, far away, spoke out from the
earth and the sky, "My blessing to you."

[/i]

[ame]

She lied there for hours, but it seemed like minutes, never actually asleep, but lost in though. She was as good as dead, and she knew it, if she wasn't already dead. She didn't know when, or why, or where she died, apparently. She questioned herself, too. If she was truely ded, why hadn't she seen her own body? Did she die in here sleep, and rise the next morniing and leave, not seeing herself rotting therre? Did she die in the mountain passes, buried in snow, lost forever and frozen? Her head was lost in thought, and she was very scared... What would death be like? Would it just be hell or heaven? Would it be more, nicer, happier? With the family she never knew and the friends that others have taken?...
Hours passed for her and she reviewed her life. Something was strange, strange.... She didn't remember much of it, only the latter two years..... Oh, how it must've been wasted. She had been acccused of mmurder and attrocities... She didn't even remember them. She thought it was a gift to not remember, if she was actually guilty..... Despite what she's gone through, she loved life, and loved to play, and loved to learn.... But these were never offered to her. Her puppyhood, probably the only would-be possession she had was lost with the vastness of unknown history. She wonderred why she was hated so.... By so many.....

The time past, and the sun set behind the horizon of trees, onlly darkening the sky. She didn't need to open her eyes to see that there was no beautiful golden clouds, or royalty purples. It was all just grey.... Grey as the cold soil, grey as death.... Just grey and cold...
Ketsueki had nnot moved a muscle since she collasped at the roots of the tree, offering to die here and become part of it.... Probably to add to the overwhelming emotions that this feild held.... She'd be Neglect. It must've been hours more, then something strange. she felt the place change, there was more energy around. A strange wind, howling in her ears, blew through, seeming to give energy to her... Oh, she just wanted to die, to die, and leave this all behind. She loved life just as much as any other wolf, but she was also hated more than any other wolf.... She felt strannge energies aroun her, and saw a bright flash through her eyelids.... Her heart jumped but she held still... Maybe someone would put her out of her misery, now.... She held still, and felt somethiing land on her paw.... It was a pleasant feel, soft as a newborn pup... A feeling she onnly got once..... She felt her energy gain... What a wonderful feeling, to be able to move. It was strange, she had just felt the most horrible feeling of all, like her life was drained.... Now, though... She felt as good as new...... She felt releived, and saved, and took light in the knowledge she was dead.... That was the only explaination.... She opened one eye just enough to see what touched her. It was a beautiful, strange flower, something she had never seen, and there seemed to be a light above and behind her head.... Whoever was there, was performing magic.... It felt safe, though, like protective magic.... Someone was trying to help her..... Why, though? It must've been an angel... A protective Spirit. She slowly turned her head, expecting to see a beautiful, honorable wolf.... She saw just that, or felt it, in the beautiful white orb... Yes, she thought, I've died and gotten a welcomer to the afterlife..... She looked up at it with a very sad look, and wondered what to do.... It spoke... It had spoken from the woods, the earth, the grass, the dream like mountains, the skky..... It seemed like life, and she heard it's words clearly...
She looked away, not wanting to offend whoever it was with staring. Such an awful, petty creature as she was not to look upon the very definition of honor unless told to.....
"Thank you....." she said weakly, looking at the ground, "Thank you for coming to see me at my death...."

[Aveilthé]

"Are you truly dead, child," the voice spoke, ringing deeply, "or
has your own strength brought you to yet another adventure?"
It paused, as if weighing its words. "None can be truly dead if
its spirit is alive. Alas... unfair as it is... we cannot choose to live
or die. Die, we all must. But death is only another adventure
that all must take. You came, to die beneath my tree. Whether
spirit or living, you would certainly know. You are blessed either
way."

[ame]

All this..... She'd never had anyone sit down and talk to her, explain to her anything... She'd never gotten anything more than bad attention, getting pushed away from society, chased away from rotten carrion that no one would even eat, bitten, threaten, abused, yet she held no want for revenge..... This lowly wolf, of all creatures, really understood that life's a blessing in and all on it's own. She cherished every last moment, and welcomed death at the end, and she knew, somewhere far under her doubts, that she died... Died right there where she wanted.... She'd be happy then, only to be left there, and let the earth take her back... Back...
She listened to these words, slightly confused. Yes, there was no doubt there, she had left her body. She felt stronger now than she had in two and a half weeks..... She knew no other explaination. The blood-stained wolfen sighed, still looking at the ground. She still wasn't to look upon it.... Him...... She wasn't allowed to loook, and she couldn't break another taboo.

"I...." she said slowly, still laying there, "I am not dead, I see, I've mearly returned my body to the earth. I wish one thing that I would have done, though, to have been a mother..... To feel the joy of bringing something into existance. I'd like to know too, why I was so scorned, and hated.... "

[Aveilthé]

The white orb shimmered as if listening. But in response, its glow
became stronger, and once again the voice rang through the
world. "To council matters of life would only have been in vain.
Life cannot be undone, nor can it be questioned. In another
life, perhaps, if you choose, you may find what you seek once
more. If not; of which is concealed beyond, I cannot speak,
nor can any other. One must see with eyes acuminous at
the beyond and consent to never return."



These words, indeed being as vague as they are, were left
without so much as an explanation. It was up to the wolf to
decide what the orb meant. With that said, the orb began
disolving. Soon, it looked like a watery substance floating in
midair, and as soon as it seem to turn to clear liquid,
dissapeared entirely from view. It was gone. The tree, however,
remained glowing unremittingly, the dark on white agape
with blackness in a sinister manner.

[ame]

Ketaueki was amazed beyond comprehension. She felt him leave, go somewhere else that was special to him... Probably somethin he had left behind. She left nothing behind, though, nothing to bind her here or imprison her. Nothing to anchor her here. She silently laughed to herself, not at anything funny but just the fact she was still here, and wasn't wisped away to wherever. She so badly wanted to thank him for the information and help. Thank him for the help to understand, and the chance to change her ways... She loved the earth so much, though, and she was so glad to have stayed.
"Thank you," she called out, bowing to the monument to all that is. "Thank you for helping in whatever way you have...."

She stood up now, gazing at the tree like it was a good friend that she was leaving behind. Gazing like a home she was leaving, of one of the very few that gave her a chance. Turning around, she licked her paw, the right one, the one with a boot of bloody crimson on it. Just as she thought, the sheen had returned. Yes, she looked healthier than she had in quite a while, but dared not look back at the vessel she gave back to the earth. She called one last thank-you to the tree and it's kind, positive spirit and broke into a free run, something she wanted to do for a while, but couldn't due to her formerly rapidly declining health. Yes! She was free again! She could try to actually help someone... Save someone... To show how much better she was than those who mistreated her by showing kindness, even to those that had once done her wrong...

All the while, something was wrong. The bloodied spots of fur. What were they? Could it be an ever-lasting mark of what she was accused of doing? Or horrid reminders of a massacre... But, these thoughts where the farthest from her mind. She was free, and she was happy, and she could finally do what she always wanted. She left the abused, malnurished, petty wolf she was lying at the roots of the Life Tree, as she called it, and she, the new Ketsueki, the renaissanced ketsueki, the upstanding, beautiful wolf that was buried underneith the petty ran free, away. She would forever be in debt to the Positive Spirit of that Tree, and she'd promissed to do what's right... She no longer needed that body, and she had given it back to who gave it to her, as well as the Life Tree. She had gone, with knew hopes...

Thank you, Sir, I'll meet you again...