Post by Felypsa on Jun 25, 2008 0:13:07 GMT -6
And now...the long-awaited, much-anticipated:
THE WOLF, THE BITCH, AND THE LAPTOP
Part 4
Maker of this Play: All right, so part 4 took longer than usual. Shut yer traps!
Narrator: Ah, but Maker, you're under the impression that they care...
Maker of this Play: Are you suggestin' they don't, Mr. Asking-to-be-Flushed?
Narrator: Never, ever. -clears throat- Anyway, we were last seen with Endy about to attack Zizzie and Fely's home...
Endy: -growlingly- Take them. -squees- I love that line! It was in all the trailers and everything~
Narrator: Though I fail to see how such a pink egotist can frighten anybody, he freaked our soon-to-be heroes out.
Azure: What's all the loud noise outside?
Kiku: -peeks out window- AAAHHH it's the PINK HOTNESS OF DOOM! -creams pants-
Endy: Oh, what now, White Bitch! You said it wouldn't catch on, but it HAS!!
Ave: -throws up hands- What is the world coming to.
Zizzie: Well, it's time to use movie-magic to cut to deep inside a tunnel that has no reason to be here other than it's a current plot convenience.
Fely: LIES! This is the secret tunnel you use when you go canoodling Blitzy and all the rest!
Zizzie: What rest? There's only Bl—er, you.
Fely: Bitch.
Zizzie: Oh yeah, her too.
Sakoru: o.o MOVING ON!
Zizzie: -pouts- Yer no fun.
Sakoru: No, seriously...we should be moving on...there's, like, noises...
Endy: We found your tunnel, bishes! Now you'll never escape the pink hotness of doom! Bwahahahaahhaahahahahahahaahahahhahaha (etc)
Kiku: Quick, while he's laughing his arse off!
Narrator: They escaped Endy's...er, pinkness, but barely.
Azure: God, I can still his pinkness flashing before my eyes! Dx 'Tis terrifying.
Sakoru: -pats Azure- There, there...we were all terrorized...OMGTRIP
Kiku: Wtf did you trip over? There's, like, nothing here.
Narrator: Kiku was wrong, as usual. There was something there...
Zizzie: o.o NUUUU! -clings to the thing Sakoru tripped over and cries-
Fely: -looks to the sky- Is there no justice?!
Zizzie: -slaps Fely- No! Can't you see her account's been frozen?
Justice: Of course, I was only chosen to be frozen because of the awful pun the Maker of this Play decided to make...
Maker of this Play: >.< Shush! I thought it was clever, myself. Now go back to being frozen.
Justice: Blah. I'm too awesome. I don't deserve this treatment. -is frozen-
Fely: -gasps- What is this...Neopets?!
Zizzie: -seizes her and shakes her- Don't say that! It'll never...ever get that bad.
Fely: But Shinkou is becoming more and more like Neopets every day!
Zizzie: LIES! Dammit woman, it's a lie!
Sakoru: What's Neopets?
Narrator: And then it seemed as if a dark cloud passed over everything, and everyone felt a cold shiver deep in their bones...as if this were a Lord of the Rings parody, not Chronicles of Narnia...
Maker of this Play: You gotta point there, buddy?
Narrator: Not at all, of course...anyway, back to the dark cloud and other stuff.
Zizzie: Do not speak of it. 'Tis too evil to even mention.
Fely: -sniffling- The Bitch used to hate it as much as we did. But now...frozen accounts? It's too horrible to be true.
Zizzie: And yet, look what's happened to Justice...
Crave: Tsk. That's what happens to those who annoy the hell out of the Bitch.
Zizzie: -glares- You cheater! You cheated on me with the Bitch! And now you think you can just..waltz back into my life?
Fely: -_- It works for you, apparently.
Zizzie: Er...I don't mean "cheat" as in sexually, luff...I meant--
Fely: Save it for Jerry Springer.
Crave: Please, Z-babe. I'm on your side. I always have been.
Zizzie: That's what you always said! -sniffs-
Crave: -rolls eyes- We can save our lovers' quarrels for Jerry Springer. But now we gotta get our arses out of here before Mr. Too-pink-to-be-true comes outta that hole.
Kiku: What's your grand plan? I have high standards, so I'm waiting to be impressed.
Narrator: So, brilliantly, they hid in a tree—
Kiku: Well, I'm impressed.
Azure: Shut yer trap before they hear you, dolt!
Kiku: What'd you call me?
Azure: Don't hurt me.
Narrator: —while Endy terrorized poor Crave.
Endy: -is slowly revealing more of his pink hotness of doom to Crave-
Crave: MY EYES! They're...burning!
Endy: You want it to stop? TELL ME WHERE THEY WENT!
Crave: -sniffles- That way. -points at the tree-
Endy: Wtf? In a tree? Who'd be so stupid as to hide in a tree?
Crave: LOLJK. Haha, you just got punk'd!
Endy: -gores horns into Crave- No one...punks...the pinkness.
Crave: -chokingly- All right, all right! They're...that way! -points in complete opposite direction- Really, this time!
Endy: For true?
Crave: For true, homey.
Endy: -sniffs daintily- Fine. I'll buy your obvious lie.
Ave: -banghead- I should've given him intelligence when I created him...or at least some street smarts.
Crave: Y'all can come down now. He believed me.
Kiku: ...yeah, except for when you pointed us out the first time...?!
Crave: Oh yeah, I forgot that I was supposed to lie. Teehee.
Kiku: -twitch-
Crave: -clears throat- Anyway...tea and crumpets, anyone?
Sakoru: I've still got cookies! ^^
Narrator: Time passed. Vaguely.
Fely: Poor lovely Crave-darling, having to suffer looking at all that pinkness...-snuggles Crave-
Crave: Ooh, Fely, I like that...-cuddles back-
Zizzie: -smoldering pile of jealousy-
Crave: -sticks tongue out- And you can't join.
Zizzie: -whimpers- Why not?
Crave: 'Cause I like torturing you, babe. But now I've gotta jam.
Kiku: Aw, why? You and Fely were just getting hot...
Fely: -purrs- You know it.
Crave: Yeah, but I gotta find more peeps for Wom.
Zizzie: Duuude...you've seen Wommers? -green with envy-
Crave: She's hot to trot, Z. You think the Bitch is sexy? Wait'll you see Wom.
Zizzie: -drools just thinking about it-
Kiku: She sounds hawt-tastic. Too bad we're going home...-cough-not-cough-
Crave: Why the hell would you do that?
Azure: 'Cause I said so. And what I say goes.
Kiku: O rly? -holds up fist-
Azure: Er, starting tomorrow.
Crave: Lame!
Zizzie: Yeah, y'all should join with Wommers. It's what all the cool kids are doing.
Azure: I wanna be cool...):
Kiku: Well, none of us can be cool without Demin.
Zizzie: -blinks- what planet are you living on?
Narrator: There is no answer to that question. So, let's go check up on Demin whynot. He's in the Bitch's dungeons. With Blitzy. -sighs- Fate has surely arranged that meeting...
Blitzy: Hey kid. You're sexy.
Demin: o.o O rly? Tell me more.
Blitzy: Why don't you come over here—
Demin: You made a sexual innuendo! xD
Blitzy: -waggles brows- I can do more sexual things in-your-end-o.
Demin: Oh my. I'm both extremely disturbed and oddly...intrigued. -light bulb goes off- That means you're Blitzy!
Blitzy: Uh...duh. Who else would be this hot?
Demin: Dunno. I'm Demin.
Blitzy: Demin, eh? Oooh, Sakky's brother?
Demin: The same.
Blitzy: Is your sister still as cute and sex-able as ever? She owes me a sexy sponge-bath.
Demin: Please let something spare me from having to answer that.
Ave: -bangs everything in sight on her way down- I'm COMING!
Demin: HAH she made the same sexual innuendo!
Blitzy: lololololol
Ave: Oh, I am so NOT in the mood! -tosses Demin around the cell a few times- Where the [grrr] did your family run off to? Endy, my Pink Hotness of Doom—
Endy: HAH!
Ave: Oh [grrr] now he's got me saying it—ANYWAY, he couldn't find them anywhere! And it's impossible that he [grrr]ed up and believed a stupid blatant lie along the way! Thus, it's YOUR FAULT!
Demin: o.o That logic doesn't follow. Anyway, I don't know nothin'.
Ave: Then SCREW YOU! -prepares to freeze Demin's account-
Blitzy: Stop it, you Bitch! He's sexy and I like him.
Ave: All the more reason to ban his ass! You're MINE, Blitzy!
Demin: Wait! The name "Wom" won't ring any bells with you, eh, Bitch?
Ave: -twitches violently- Did you say..."Wom"...?
Demin: Yup. And I'll say it again too. WomWomWomWomWomWomWomWomWom—
Twilly: That's enough outta you, smartass! -sledgehammers-
Demin:
You really get a kick outta that, don'tcha.
Twilly: Yessir. -sledgehammers again-
Ave: So where is that crackwhore Wom?
Demin: Can't think...head been hammered...too many times...
Ave: It's gonna get hammered many more times unless you cough up that info!
Twilly: Damn straight!
Blitzy: Pfft, that kid's too stupid to know anything important. You can see it in his eyes.
Demin: But, Blitzy...I thought you loved me...or, at least, were moderately sexually attracted to me...
Blitzy: Umm...innocent smile?
Ave: You guys's sexual tension is putting me in a bad mood. Thwiller G, get the sexyslut outta here.
Twilly: Whatever you say, Bitch. -drags Blitzy away-
Blitzy: Nuuuu! Demin, I'll always be moderately sexually attracted to you!
Demin: And I, you!
Blitzy: Pfft, only moderately? Never mind, you're a waste of time.
Ave: Oh yeah, Blitzy, Demin turned you in. In exchange for pot. Hah! Suck on THAT!
Blitzy: -hurt- Demin...how could you...?
Demin: -shrugs- It was really good pot.
Blitzy: Oh, yeah, I can see that.
Ave: You two are weird. -freezes Blitzy-
Demin: Nuuuu! That wasn't even in the movie, you Bitch!
Ave: Well NEITHER WAS MY PMS! Now gtfo. You srsly annoy me. So I really need to find your family so I can kill you all!
Narrator: And so, with powerhunger in her heart and PMS in her...er, other parts, the Bitch, Thwiller G—
Twilly: That's TWILLY to you, goddammit.
Narrator: —and Demin set off to find the others. Bringing us, once again, to a very suspenseful conclusion of this part. You know, Maker, just once you could throw us a bone and end on a happy note...
Maker of this Play: Who's making this play and paying your bills, you loudmouth excuse for a proper Narrator?!
Narrator: Hmm. PMS appears to be a theme this time.
Maker of this Play: -twitches- Did you say something that might be...flush-worthy...?
Narrator: Never, Maker! End it, end it now!
Maker of this Play: My pleasure. -curtain falls as flushing noises and screams can be heard from backstage-
THE WOLF, THE BITCH, AND THE LAPTOP
Part 4
Maker of this Play: All right, so part 4 took longer than usual. Shut yer traps!
Narrator: Ah, but Maker, you're under the impression that they care...
Maker of this Play: Are you suggestin' they don't, Mr. Asking-to-be-Flushed?
Narrator: Never, ever. -clears throat- Anyway, we were last seen with Endy about to attack Zizzie and Fely's home...
Endy: -growlingly- Take them. -squees- I love that line! It was in all the trailers and everything~
Narrator: Though I fail to see how such a pink egotist can frighten anybody, he freaked our soon-to-be heroes out.
Azure: What's all the loud noise outside?
Kiku: -peeks out window- AAAHHH it's the PINK HOTNESS OF DOOM! -creams pants-
Endy: Oh, what now, White Bitch! You said it wouldn't catch on, but it HAS!!
Ave: -throws up hands- What is the world coming to.
Zizzie: Well, it's time to use movie-magic to cut to deep inside a tunnel that has no reason to be here other than it's a current plot convenience.
Fely: LIES! This is the secret tunnel you use when you go canoodling Blitzy and all the rest!
Zizzie: What rest? There's only Bl—er, you.
Fely: Bitch.
Zizzie: Oh yeah, her too.
Sakoru: o.o MOVING ON!
Zizzie: -pouts- Yer no fun.
Sakoru: No, seriously...we should be moving on...there's, like, noises...
Endy: We found your tunnel, bishes! Now you'll never escape the pink hotness of doom! Bwahahahaahhaahahahahahahaahahahhahaha (etc)
Kiku: Quick, while he's laughing his arse off!
Narrator: They escaped Endy's...er, pinkness, but barely.
Azure: God, I can still his pinkness flashing before my eyes! Dx 'Tis terrifying.
Sakoru: -pats Azure- There, there...we were all terrorized...OMGTRIP
Kiku: Wtf did you trip over? There's, like, nothing here.
Narrator: Kiku was wrong, as usual. There was something there...
Zizzie: o.o NUUUU! -clings to the thing Sakoru tripped over and cries-
Fely: -looks to the sky- Is there no justice?!
Zizzie: -slaps Fely- No! Can't you see her account's been frozen?
Justice: Of course, I was only chosen to be frozen because of the awful pun the Maker of this Play decided to make...
Maker of this Play: >.< Shush! I thought it was clever, myself. Now go back to being frozen.
Justice: Blah. I'm too awesome. I don't deserve this treatment. -is frozen-
Fely: -gasps- What is this...Neopets?!
Zizzie: -seizes her and shakes her- Don't say that! It'll never...ever get that bad.
Fely: But Shinkou is becoming more and more like Neopets every day!
Zizzie: LIES! Dammit woman, it's a lie!
Sakoru: What's Neopets?
Narrator: And then it seemed as if a dark cloud passed over everything, and everyone felt a cold shiver deep in their bones...as if this were a Lord of the Rings parody, not Chronicles of Narnia...
Maker of this Play: You gotta point there, buddy?
Narrator: Not at all, of course...anyway, back to the dark cloud and other stuff.
Zizzie: Do not speak of it. 'Tis too evil to even mention.
Fely: -sniffling- The Bitch used to hate it as much as we did. But now...frozen accounts? It's too horrible to be true.
Zizzie: And yet, look what's happened to Justice...
Crave: Tsk. That's what happens to those who annoy the hell out of the Bitch.
Zizzie: -glares- You cheater! You cheated on me with the Bitch! And now you think you can just..waltz back into my life?
Fely: -_- It works for you, apparently.
Zizzie: Er...I don't mean "cheat" as in sexually, luff...I meant--
Fely: Save it for Jerry Springer.
Crave: Please, Z-babe. I'm on your side. I always have been.
Zizzie: That's what you always said! -sniffs-
Crave: -rolls eyes- We can save our lovers' quarrels for Jerry Springer. But now we gotta get our arses out of here before Mr. Too-pink-to-be-true comes outta that hole.
Kiku: What's your grand plan? I have high standards, so I'm waiting to be impressed.
Narrator: So, brilliantly, they hid in a tree—
Kiku: Well, I'm impressed.
Azure: Shut yer trap before they hear you, dolt!
Kiku: What'd you call me?
Azure: Don't hurt me.
Narrator: —while Endy terrorized poor Crave.
Endy: -is slowly revealing more of his pink hotness of doom to Crave-
Crave: MY EYES! They're...burning!
Endy: You want it to stop? TELL ME WHERE THEY WENT!
Crave: -sniffles- That way. -points at the tree-
Endy: Wtf? In a tree? Who'd be so stupid as to hide in a tree?
Crave: LOLJK. Haha, you just got punk'd!
Endy: -gores horns into Crave- No one...punks...the pinkness.
Crave: -chokingly- All right, all right! They're...that way! -points in complete opposite direction- Really, this time!
Endy: For true?
Crave: For true, homey.
Endy: -sniffs daintily- Fine. I'll buy your obvious lie.
Ave: -banghead- I should've given him intelligence when I created him...or at least some street smarts.
Crave: Y'all can come down now. He believed me.
Kiku: ...yeah, except for when you pointed us out the first time...?!
Crave: Oh yeah, I forgot that I was supposed to lie. Teehee.
Kiku: -twitch-
Crave: -clears throat- Anyway...tea and crumpets, anyone?
Sakoru: I've still got cookies! ^^
Narrator: Time passed. Vaguely.
Fely: Poor lovely Crave-darling, having to suffer looking at all that pinkness...-snuggles Crave-
Crave: Ooh, Fely, I like that...-cuddles back-
Zizzie: -smoldering pile of jealousy-
Crave: -sticks tongue out- And you can't join.
Zizzie: -whimpers- Why not?
Crave: 'Cause I like torturing you, babe. But now I've gotta jam.
Kiku: Aw, why? You and Fely were just getting hot...
Fely: -purrs- You know it.
Crave: Yeah, but I gotta find more peeps for Wom.
Zizzie: Duuude...you've seen Wommers? -green with envy-
Crave: She's hot to trot, Z. You think the Bitch is sexy? Wait'll you see Wom.
Zizzie: -drools just thinking about it-
Kiku: She sounds hawt-tastic. Too bad we're going home...-cough-not-cough-
Crave: Why the hell would you do that?
Azure: 'Cause I said so. And what I say goes.
Kiku: O rly? -holds up fist-
Azure: Er, starting tomorrow.
Crave: Lame!
Zizzie: Yeah, y'all should join with Wommers. It's what all the cool kids are doing.
Azure: I wanna be cool...):
Kiku: Well, none of us can be cool without Demin.
Zizzie: -blinks- what planet are you living on?
Narrator: There is no answer to that question. So, let's go check up on Demin whynot. He's in the Bitch's dungeons. With Blitzy. -sighs- Fate has surely arranged that meeting...
Blitzy: Hey kid. You're sexy.
Demin: o.o O rly? Tell me more.
Blitzy: Why don't you come over here—
Demin: You made a sexual innuendo! xD
Blitzy: -waggles brows- I can do more sexual things in-your-end-o.
Demin: Oh my. I'm both extremely disturbed and oddly...intrigued. -light bulb goes off- That means you're Blitzy!
Blitzy: Uh...duh. Who else would be this hot?
Demin: Dunno. I'm Demin.
Blitzy: Demin, eh? Oooh, Sakky's brother?
Demin: The same.
Blitzy: Is your sister still as cute and sex-able as ever? She owes me a sexy sponge-bath.
Demin: Please let something spare me from having to answer that.
Ave: -bangs everything in sight on her way down- I'm COMING!
Demin: HAH she made the same sexual innuendo!
Blitzy: lololololol
Ave: Oh, I am so NOT in the mood! -tosses Demin around the cell a few times- Where the [grrr] did your family run off to? Endy, my Pink Hotness of Doom—
Endy: HAH!
Ave: Oh [grrr] now he's got me saying it—ANYWAY, he couldn't find them anywhere! And it's impossible that he [grrr]ed up and believed a stupid blatant lie along the way! Thus, it's YOUR FAULT!
Demin: o.o That logic doesn't follow. Anyway, I don't know nothin'.
Ave: Then SCREW YOU! -prepares to freeze Demin's account-
Blitzy: Stop it, you Bitch! He's sexy and I like him.
Ave: All the more reason to ban his ass! You're MINE, Blitzy!
Demin: Wait! The name "Wom" won't ring any bells with you, eh, Bitch?
Ave: -twitches violently- Did you say..."Wom"...?
Demin: Yup. And I'll say it again too. WomWomWomWomWomWomWomWomWom—
Twilly: That's enough outta you, smartass! -sledgehammers-
Demin:
You really get a kick outta that, don'tcha.Twilly: Yessir. -sledgehammers again-
Ave: So where is that crackwhore Wom?
Demin: Can't think...head been hammered...too many times...
Ave: It's gonna get hammered many more times unless you cough up that info!
Twilly: Damn straight!
Blitzy: Pfft, that kid's too stupid to know anything important. You can see it in his eyes.
Demin: But, Blitzy...I thought you loved me...or, at least, were moderately sexually attracted to me...
Blitzy: Umm...innocent smile?
Ave: You guys's sexual tension is putting me in a bad mood. Thwiller G, get the sexyslut outta here.
Twilly: Whatever you say, Bitch. -drags Blitzy away-
Blitzy: Nuuuu! Demin, I'll always be moderately sexually attracted to you!
Demin: And I, you!
Blitzy: Pfft, only moderately? Never mind, you're a waste of time.
Ave: Oh yeah, Blitzy, Demin turned you in. In exchange for pot. Hah! Suck on THAT!
Blitzy: -hurt- Demin...how could you...?
Demin: -shrugs- It was really good pot.
Blitzy: Oh, yeah, I can see that.
Ave: You two are weird. -freezes Blitzy-
Demin: Nuuuu! That wasn't even in the movie, you Bitch!
Ave: Well NEITHER WAS MY PMS! Now gtfo. You srsly annoy me. So I really need to find your family so I can kill you all!
Narrator: And so, with powerhunger in her heart and PMS in her...er, other parts, the Bitch, Thwiller G—
Twilly: That's TWILLY to you, goddammit.
Narrator: —and Demin set off to find the others. Bringing us, once again, to a very suspenseful conclusion of this part. You know, Maker, just once you could throw us a bone and end on a happy note...
Maker of this Play: Who's making this play and paying your bills, you loudmouth excuse for a proper Narrator?!
Narrator: Hmm. PMS appears to be a theme this time.
Maker of this Play: -twitches- Did you say something that might be...flush-worthy...?
Narrator: Never, Maker! End it, end it now!
Maker of this Play: My pleasure. -curtain falls as flushing noises and screams can be heard from backstage-
I read this all in one go, and it makes it all the funnier! And it's 12:36 AM! Yaaaay! 
