The City of Thor - Le Parody

[Felypsa]

Okay, so this was Kaoru’s idea. She suggested that I make a play parodizing the current plot in the City of Thor, the one with the French title. My play-making skills are a little rusty, though, so this might not be as hysterical as my prior successes…but I hope you find it at least slightly amusing.

Two things: Firstly, before you read this parody, I highly recommend reading the actual plot. I don’t really explain anything here, so it would be best that you knew all the background before reading this. Plus, I think it’s funnier when you know what’s going on.

Secondly, this is at least a PG-13 rating. There is vulgar language, nudity (mostly on Khalid’s part because she’s weird), violence, blood & gore, what have you. I don’t this parody is any worse than the posts it’s based on, so that gives you an idea. If you are in any way unsettled by the aforementioned aspects, I apologize. But you’ve been warned.

Here we go…-crosses fingers, hopes for a few feeble laughs at least-

The City of Thor - Le Parody (I don’t know French, so I can’t parodize Kaoru’s original title completely)

Scene 1 - The Black Kitty

Dancing People: We’re partying like it’s 2001!!

Rave: Aaah, what’s so goddamn special about 2001? -mopewhine- I need some beer, yo.

Jess: Red is hott!! Don’t you think I look hott in red? -winkwinknudgenudge-

Rave: …no comment. Gimme some beer.

Voice of Zatheena: NO BEER, biotch.

Rave: Curse my nice-guy softie-heart wussy-wimp tendencies when it comes to girls who order me around…-squishes a couple of ants in frustration-

Khalid: -somewhere far away in a taxi- I felt a great disturbance in the Force…as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. -bows head in reverence-

Jess: So…-wink- how’s your -winkwink- girlfriend doing -winkwinkwink-?

Rave: SHE’S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!! She just…orders me around a lot. And what the hell is wrong with your eye? Stop winking, woman!!

Zatheena: -barging in- RAVE! I’M USING ALL CAPS WHICH MEANS THIS IS IMPORTANT!

Rave: …

Zatheena: I’ve flashed some cops and now they want me! Let’s go crash some cars while we escape!

Rave: Please tell me you’re joking.

Zatheena: No time to talk! Let’s make out, I mean, make our getaway!

Rave: -uncertain- Well, I don’t know…

Zatheena: DO IT NOW.

Rave: I love it when you order me around so that there’s no way I dare refuse…alright, let’s go!

Scene 2 - The Streets of Thor

Policemen: -singing- Track down this murderer, he must be found! Hunt out this animal, who runs to ground!

Rave: Zee, did you murder someone?! I told you, don’t murder anyone unless I have a part in it!

Zatheena: ARGH! Stop wasting time asking really important questions to the plot! No one is supposed to know anything yet!

Rave: Well, if we’re going to crash cars, we have to do it in style! Let’s take my super-hott motorcycle. It’s super-hott! -pose- Like me.

Zatheena: I love a man with style…GO FASTER, BIOTCH!

Rave: 100 mph on a quiet road not good enough for ya?!

Floating Police Cars: Tires are so old-fashioned. The future is NOW.

Rave: Woohoo! I can do crazy moves that no one in real life would ever do and get away with it! Like driving on the wrong side of the road!

Zatheena: -sings- Oh what fun it is to ride on a one-man open motorcycle! …Being chased by 15 floating cop cars and a Doberman pinscher!

Dober: Hey! That was supposed to be a surprise! You don’t know that yet! Grr…there goes my dramatic entrance.

Rave: Don’t worry, Zee! We’ll almost die several times in the next fifteen minutes, but because we’re the protagonists, we can’t really die.

Zatheena: I feel so comforted.

Scene 3 - Gage’s Taxi

Khalid: Oh my god…That’s the guy who squished those ants! I have to go after him.

Gage: Why is it that in these exhilarating chase scenes, the criminal always drives on the WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD?! And gets away with it, too!!

Khalid: Brace yourself—I’m about to say the biggest taxi cliché ever!

Gage: Listen, lady, now is not a good time to start haggling the price with me…

Khalid: Follow that motorcycle!!

Gage: What else to taxi drivers live for?

Khalid: -strips off all her clothes-

Gage: That, too, apparently. Holy toledo! Nice—

Khalid: Shut up and drive.

Gage: Ah, another dominating woman! Your wish is my command.

Scene 4 - The Donut Shop

Dober: Mmm…donut…

Audience: Aww, how cute. A Doberman pinscher cop stereotypically eating a donut…

Dober: -ears twitch- I AM NOT STEREOTYPICAL! I just like donuts!! Is that such a crime?! Huh?! Is it?!

Audience: O.O;

Dober: Yeah, that’s what I thought…-gets out guns- You wanna piece of this?

Audience: …no, sir…

Dober: Then DON’T mock the donut!

Audience: …yes, sir…

Kate: -via radio- Hey Dober! Stop pigging out and intimidating the audience! Get yer butt over here! We’re all pathetically hopeless when it comes to chase scenes, so we need your help!

Dober: What’s the point? My dramatic entrance was ruined!

Kate: Who the hell cares? You’re too adorable for dramatic entrances anyway.

Dober: I don’t know whether to be complimented or insulted…

Kate: GET OVER HERE. NOW.

Dober: Sheesh, what’s with the dominating women in this play? Ok, ok, I’m on my way!

---

Well, whaddya say? Should I continue? Or is that more than enough? You be the judge!!

[Wyndbain]

*laughing ass off while miraculously clapping applause*

That was great! Yes! Encore! Continue! More! That is, once everyone has posted enough for more scene parodys. xD

[Mama Z]

Haha brilliant..bloody flippen brilliant..

[Aveilthé]

OMG! U CALL URSELF RUSTY LOLLOOLOLLLLL?!??!/1//1ONEONETWOSIXTEEN

That was friggin brilliant! Like, I laughed so hard that my sides are split apart. Hmmn. One of my favourite parts:

"Zatheena: -barging in- RAVE! I’M USING ALL CAPS WHICH MEANS THIS IS IMPORTANT!"

Brilliant, Foxie. Brilliant. *Applausescreamandencore* Do more! XD Ooh, and I can give you a pretty good translation site for French. Hee.

Me love your plays. <333333

Edit: Like all good plays, I'm gonna read this again.

Edit #2: I just bought the POTO book with my Christmas money, and, I'm totally neglecting it because I'm reading this play. Again.

;D

[kit]

Lmao that's great.. *snickersnort* Totally awesome. Made me laugh really hard. Continue!! =D

[Relairah]

WAOW! I was literally laughing the whole time I was reading it! It's HILARIOUS! xDDD And then I was laughing harder cause my sister told me to shut up just about the time I was reading the part where Khalid tells Gage to shut up and drive, and now I am laughing right now o.o.. xPP

YOU MUST DO MORE! MOREMORE! *JUMPSUPANDDOWN* xD ENCORE ENCORE!

Lesee, I don't have a favorite part, because the whole thing is so dang hilarious =P

[Felypsa]

Omigosh...I'll tell you one thing, I was not expecting such positive reactions! I want to bow to all of you, but I'm afraid of being stuck permanently in that position! XD Ok...well, actually, I have another installment up. I decided that even if you guys hated it, I was going to continue it anyway ^^'

Yeah, there are a lot of random cultural references in this one...and I just realized that the characters sing way more often than they should. Oh well! They're still cool.

Scene 5 - Back on the Streets of Thor

Khalid: -in her fire ant form, tearing up police cars- I’ve always wanted to do this…it’s been a dream of mine since I was a larva…

Zatheena: -looking back- Hey, Rave! A giant ant is totally crashing the cars we were gonna crash!

Rave: THAT BITCH! I’m so hopping mad, I’m gonna drive right into this truck here!

Zatheena: …yeah, all that comfort and reassurance? It’s gone!

Rave: Relax, Zee, I’m the super-hott protagonist…I can get away with things like this. -talks to motorcycle- Fly, my pretty! Fly!

Motorcycle: -sings- I believe I can fly! I believe I can touch the sky!

Rave: Dramatic successful landing in 5…4…3…2—

Truck: Ha-ha-ha, you’re not fast enough to escape me!

Rave: -crash-lands on truck- DAMMIT! My dramatic successful landing is ruined! Now how am I supposed to get some hot chicks?

Zatheena: Uh, Rave? Hot chick dangling on side of truck here!

Rave: Who? Where? -looks around cluelessly-

Zatheena: -_-'

Rave: Oh, hi Zee! Have you seen a hot chick dangling on the side of the truck somewhere ’round here?

***

Dober: My motorcycle may not be as super-hott as Rave’s, but I can still kick some serious ant ass! -shoots at Khalid- Take that! And THAT!

Khalid: …did someone poke me? I thought I felt something.

Dober: -_-'

Khalid: -shrugs, tosses a car in the air-

Dober: -barely dodges the car- Holy hell, man! Watch where you’re throwin’ them things!

Khalid: I’m cruisin’ on a cruiser! How cool is that?!

Dober: Grr…I wish I had some of Gandalf’s awesome backlighting. That would show ’em! But I guess I’ll have to go with modern technology instead. I’ll use…a flare! That oughta show them who’s boss! No one can withstand the Power of the Flare! -dramatic music in background-

Khalid: That’s way too easy to make fun of, so I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that…

***

Monet: Life sucks. People suck. As a matter of fact, everything sucks except beer, drunkenness, the word "muck," the word "[grrr]," and the word "suck." -pause- Hey, I made a rhyme! -wistful sigh- I wish I could do that all the time…-pause- Oh my god, I’m awesome!

Rave: Zee, you’re real lucky to have a super-hott protagonist like me to save your life.

Zatheena: Yeah, I’m so lucky to have a guy looking everywhere for a hot chick to save while I’m dangling alone on the side of a truck…everyone should envy me.

Rave: Speaking of hot chicks, there’s one now! -stares at Monet-

Zatheena: Rave, if you value your life…look away. NOW.

Monet: Dammit! I dropped my beer because I was staring at that super-hott protagonist over there! YOU SUCK TOO, BY THE WAY!!

Rave: I hear the mating call of a lovelorn hot chick…

Zatheena: -fumes- RAVE! STOP! LOOKING! AT! THAT! SLUT!!

Monet: I think I’ll walk into the middle of traffic and pass out. That’s the most effective way to meet this super-hott protagonist and, if I’m lucky, to kill a bunch of innocent people.

Rave: Whoa, Zee! She passed out in the middle of traffic! My protective male instincts are kicking in! -Superman music in the background- SUPERHOTTRAVE TO THE RESCUE!

Eagle: Wow. People are stupid. No wonder I hate everything! Except my bestest fwends! -hugs knives, cuts herself in the process- Ow…I wuv ’oo!

Rave: -flies dramatically off the truck- I wish I had a cape. All the hot chicks in the audience would be sighing lovingly if I just had a cape…

Zatheena: -grumbleglowerglare- Men…on the bright side, cars are crashing! -truck crashes into red car, red car explodes!- Whoa! Pretty fireworks!!

Rave: Sweet! I caused a major traffic jam and explosion just by flying! Beat THAT, giant ant!!

Khalid: -kssnort-…hmmwhat? Oh, I’m still cruisin’ on a cruiser. -giggles- That’s so much fun to say!

Rave: Who the hell paints their car purple?

Lady In Purple Car: Hey! Don’t diss the purple, freak!

Rave: That’s super-hott freak to you, bitach.

Policemen: Let’s shoot at Rave so that he becomes super-pissed and blows up the whole block!

Rave: -twitch- You guys…are succeeding. -flashboomyelloweyeslikewhoakillspolicemen- Now I’ll apologize to your dead bodies so that it looks like I have a conscience. Chicks dig consciences.

Lady In Purple Car: This chick don’t. -shoots at Rave-

Rave: C’mon! Where’s the love? -sings- Where is the love? Do you practice what you preach, or do you turn the other cheek?

Lady In Purple Car: Oh my god…Justin Timberlake is on my roof singing a Black Eyed Peas song! Die, Justin, DIE!! -shoots crazily-

Rave: Really? You think I could be Justin? Well, you know…-slicks back hair- I am super-hott.

Lady In Purple Car: …freakazoid.

Rave: Hey, Freakazoid is the coolest superhero, aside from Elmo! Elmo talks in the third person, just like Rave does. But Rave’s got to pick up a hot chick, so Rave says byebye, lady!

Voice of Monet: -sings- I need a hero…C’mon, Shrek, where are you?

Rave: Did she say…Shrek? o.o;

Cars: -swervealmostcrashintoMonetandRave-

Rave: Not so fast, you puny cars! My yellow eyes and mad ravin’ skills and glowing purple hands will stop you in your tracks!

Rave’s Hands: -glowinglightssuddenexplosion!chaosandflameseverywhere-

Rave: Holy crap, I overestimated my own power and killed a bunch of innocent people. Oh darn -snaps fingers-…that totally wasn’t my intention at all…-shifty eyes- Um, yes, I’m a hero! Superhottrave has arrived! -Superman music again-

Monet: Wow, look at all those innocents dying…I sorta kinda feel something that slightly resembles guilt. But I’ve got my hero now! And he’s so manly, the way he ruthlessly kills innocent bystanders! Oh, Rave! If I weren’t passed out, I would kiss you! -eyes become big hearts, anime-style, as little hearts float around her head-

Eagle: I wish my knives could do that! Then I’d have everything! …But I still hate everything.

Zatheena: Dammit Rave, you’re crazy, you’re so—gasp, pretty fireworks! Ooooh! Aaaah! More, Rave, make more fireworks!

Rave: Er…not now, Zee, I think I’ve killed enough people and wreaked enough havoc for one night ^^;

***

Cop: Ahahaha! I laugh at you, taxi, with your inferior, old-fashioned tires! -shoots at tires-

Gage: Pah, floating cars are no fun in chase scenes…it’s good, old-school fun to have your tires get shot at! Anything else is just cowardly.

Khalid: Hey! You’re shooting at the vehicle that contains my clothes! I need those clothes, you know!

Gage: Well…you don’t really have to wear clothes…-leersmirk-

Khalid: Good point…Hey, cops! I’m flashing you! Check it out! I have no clothes on!!

Cop: AAAAAAHMYGAWDIT’SAGIANTANTFLEERUNAWAYRUNAWAY!! -car swerves and crashes-

Khalid: I guess interspecies sex appeal just doesn’t work…seems to have the opposite effect, actually…

Gage: My taxi! My baby! It’s exploded into smithereens! -sobs-

Khalid: -in human form- Well, hey, I know something that’ll cheer you up! I’m about to strip again…

Gage: -wails- MY BABY’S GONE!!!!

Khalid: No, your baby’s right here…your inner baby, anyway…gawd, I’ve never heard an adult cry that loudly.

Gage: -snivels pathetically-

Khalid: -sings- Hush little baby, don’t you cry…Khalid’s gonna sing you a lullaby…if that lullaby don’t…uh………grab, Khalid’s gonna get you a brand new cab…

Gage: -wipes away tears- You will?

Khalid: -sings- If that brand new cab don’t…uh…withstand-the-rain, Khalid’s gonna let you drive a train…

Gage: YIPPEE! –sings- Let’s…go…fly a kite! Let’s…go…drive a train! To Meriton! They’ve got nice, um…hotels, among other things…-winkwinknudgenudge-

Khalid: There’s my good ol’ pervy cab driver back. Let’s fetch us a coupla murderers and a drunken idiot and bust this joint!

Scene 6 - The Marble Building

Rave: I have to find the highest room in the tallest tower…there my true love awaits me, held prisoner by a dragon in a volcano…

Zatheena: Great. Now he thinks he’s Shrek! Why does the super-hott protagonist have to be doggone crazy too?!

Rave: -sings- I’m like a bird! I always fly away! -flies up the huge building-

People Down Below: It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No…it’s…

Rave: Monty Python’s Flying Circus!! -Monty Python’s theme song (The Liberty Bell) starts playing-

Zatheena: Rave. Stop. Singing. Now.

Rave: -salutes- Aye, aye, captain! -takes off his jacket- Check out these muscles! And the abs!

Zatheena: Modesty, Rave…

Rave: Right, right. I’m modest. What makes you think I’m not modest? In fact, I would say I’m the most modest person out of all of us. Was there ever anyone more modest than I? No one has madder modesty skills than I do…

Monet: Check out those muscles! And the abs! -loving sigh-

Rave: See, Zee? I’m not the only one!

Monet: My god, I’m smitten like a kitten. Hey! I rhymed again! I’m too cool for school. I’m a poet and I didn’t know it. Wow, I’m on a roll! Um…with heart and soul! Yeah!!

Khalid: -in fire ant form- Check out my mad climbing skills! I AM KONG!!!

Gage: Peter Jackson, where are you? Pay close attention, now, and take notes! This is how the pros do things!

Zatheena: -jumps away from the edge- Oh my god, it’s King Kong! And he’s got antennae!!

Rave: Since when does King Kong have antennae…?

Khalid: Hey, who’s shooting at me? What a ripoff! Where’re the airplanes?

Dober: I unleash the awesome, mighty POWER OF THE FLARE!! (In lieu of backlighting.) BEHOLD!! -shoots flare-

Rave: A flare? Is that all? Backlighting would’ve been more impressive! –in an outrrrrageous French accent- Hah! I fart in your general direction! I unplug my ears at you! You English knnnnnnnniguts! Now go away or I will taunt you a second time!

Dober: DON’T MOCK THE POWER OF THE FLARE! That’s it…no more Mr. Nice Doggy…I’m coming up, and this time…I’m bringing DONUTS with me!!

---

Dun dun dun! What a cliffy, huh! Well, you'll just have to stay tuned to find out what happens with Dober's donuts, and hope that Rave will stop speaking with such an outrageous French accent. And wait until people continue posting on the real plot. Thanks for reading!

[Wyndbain]

*gigglesnort* Dober's donuts...
Once again Fely, brilliance!! Pure genious!

Flare: *sniffles* No one understands me...

[Relairah]

BRAVA! BRAVA! STUPENDA! MAGNIFICA!

Ok, enough with the French LOLOLOL xP

I keep laughing so hard when I read this...it's HILARIOUS! xD

*reads both again* o.o LOL

[Aveilthé]

Again, that was superb! Indeed as the lovely Hikaru has put it,

"Stupenda!" Yeah.

But on a much grander scale, I will now fashionably reaxert the above in size 9 font.

"Stupenda!"

Cela a basculé tellement dur!

C'était brillant!

[Warlock]

Somebody's seen Monty Python. -pokes the Foxie-

[kit]

Rofl! Hahaha I love how Eagle is portrayed *snickersnort* Hilarious!

Lady In Purple Car: Oh my god…Justin Timberlake is on my roof singing a Black Eyed Peas song! Die, Justin, DIE!! -shoots crazily-

*loves that line* *dies laughing*

[khoyote]

omgomgomg. I was laughing my ass off reading this. Hahaha. greatest parody by far. Monet is so funny as if the lady in the purple car. omg. those quotes make me still laugh. This all reminds me that I need to post a reply in the plot with Monet's next move. har,