Post by Felypsa on Jan 19, 2008 22:14:23 GMT -6
So, it's been a while since I've been in the playwriting business here on Shinkou. I'm thinkin' of getting into it again. Starting with A Blind Destination, a roleplay between me, Death, Kaizoku, and later Kiroro. (I might do Romance, Life, and Demons later, but that's just so damn long I'd be writing the parody for the rest of my life.) I hope y'all enjoy, whether you've been following the roleplay or not.
Also, if you want me to parodize one of YOUR roleplays, let me know. I might take a while to read it (if I'm not already a part of it) and then come up with ideas with which to make fun of it. xD
Anyway, I'm a little rusty, but I still hope you'll enjoy this first part so far. -bobs head- So, without further ado...
Fely Productions Presents
A Blind Destination: The PARODY
---------------
Shadow: Hmmlala. ’Tis fun to run into random crowds of people who obviously have no compassion for my plight, even though my veil makes it totally obvious that I’m blind. Oh! Random alleyway! This seems like the perfect place to meet girls.
Dyrani: Ooh, alleyway! I wonder if there are any guys waiting there to pick me up?
Shadow: I sense a female approaching. -tenses-
Dyrani: Whoa, he’s blind. ShaZAM! Maybe he wants compassion? Yo, blind kid! Need any help?
Shadow: Help with what?
Dyrani: Wow, he’s a slow one too.
Shadow: Oh, you mean my blindness? Heh. Heh. I don’t notice that anymore. Being blind, y’see.
Dyrani: Okay. Awkward. Let’s make small talk now.
Shadow: Works for me.
Lorelei: Duuude. Being back in this city gives me major flashbacks from my teenage years! It’s so…frickin’ white. Whoa, what’s this? Two random kids my daughter’s age? I’ve GOT to find out what they’re up to.
Dyrani: Don’t look now, but some random woman just came over and started talking to us.
Shadow: “Don’t look”…is that your idea of a joke? ’Cause I don’t find it funny! See? Not laughing, sister!
Dyrani: Chill, homeslizzle. BTW, I’m Dyrani.
Lorelei: And I’m…-dramatic pause- Lorelei.
Shadow: What’s with the dramatic pause? Did you ferget yer name? -snickers-
Lorelei: No, a-hole. Aren’t you gonna introduce yourself, or just sit there and be a jerk?
Shadow: I’m Shadow. Well, actually, that’s not my real name, but I chose it ’cause it sounds cooler and more mysterious-like. Uh oh. Thinking about my real name is giving me major flashbacks of that traumatic incident in my youth. Whatever you do, don’t eavesdrop on my sudden brainwave.
Lorelei: Because I’m awesome and I eat plot conveniences like it’s my job, I will now eavesdrop on your sudden brainwave. Ooh, do I smell chicken?
Past Shadow’s Mother: Of course, the last thing you remember about me is about FOOD. You males are all the same.
Past Shadow: Later, Mums. Keep workin’ on that chicken. Oh, and I’d tell you that I love you, but I don’t have any foresight. Besides, you’re not done with that chicken yet. Tell you what. I’ll tell you I love you after you’re done with that.
Past Shadow’s Mother: Y’know, if it weren’t for this damn chicken dinner, I’d just be the source of Shadow’s emotional trauma. Good to see that I have some character depth…NOT.
Past Shadow: “Follow the Leader” never gets old. Hey, random friends who’ll ditch me in my time of greatest need, follow me to that group of badass-looking guys there!
Past Badass-Looking Guys: Dude, the son just ran smack-dab into us! Sweet, now we don’t have to think! We also say the exact same thing at the exact same time! Aren’t we badass?
Past Random Friends: Time to show our true friendship. FLEE AND RUN AWAY AND DITCH OUR LEADER!
Past Shadow: Wait for meeeee! I don’t know if you get the rules, but I’m supposed to lead!
Past BLG: DOG-PILE ON SLOW KID! -jump on Shadow-
Past Shadow: This is unorthodox and more than a little awkward. Plus it hurts.
Past BLG: Now he can’t score a touchdown! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! The Superbowl is OURS!
Patriots: Um, hell no bitches.
Past BLG: Let’s tie him up and throw him around! Nothin’ like tossing an innocent boy around like a football to get the adrenaline rushin’…
Past Shadow’s Parents: And this is the end of our cameo.
Past BLG: You wish! You’re gonna get tied up and tossed around like footballs too! WE’RE GONNA OWN THE SUPERBOWL!
Past Shadow: Not if there’s anything I can do about it!
Past BLG: Well, there’s not.
Past Shadow: Oh right. Damn.
Past BLG: No one can handle our BAMF-ness! So let’s kill the parents and randomly blind the kid. Why don’t we kill the kid? Umm…plot device!
Past Shadow: I will not faint, I will not faint, I will not -faints-
---------------
Shadow: Oh snap, I’m back. Didja miss me?
Dyrani: You didn’t go anywhere. Freak.
Shadow: Oh, right. Hmm, I wonder why we all ran into each other at the same time in the same place?
Lorelei: It’s called a plot device, you idiot. Geez you’re slow.
Dyrani: So…what now?
Lorelei: I’m going to drag you to my magical institute whether you like it or not. You both have teh skillz and besides, it’s the only thing I can think of doing right now.
Shadow: Or we could smoke pot in this sketchy alleyway that was clearly made for people to smoke pot in. Then I can make out with both of you to satisfy my obviously raging hormones.
Dyrani: I like that idea better.
Lorelei: Um, dude, I’m like…30 years older than you.
Shadow: You are? Damn! I never know who’s pretty and who’s ugly these days. I can’t discriminate based on physical appearance, and it’s bugging the hell out of me!
Lorelei: -twitches- Did you say…“ugly”?
Shadow: Well, when I say “ugly,” I mean, “old.”
Lorelei: Did you say…“old”?
Shadow: Well, when I say “old,” I mean…not my type.
Lorelei: …
Dyrani: …
Tumbleweed: -drifts by-
Shadow: Uh, right, so, who knows the way to the institute? And by the way, what was that noise that I so perceptibly picked up?
Dyrani: What noise? OH OH! Do you have a special friend who talks only to you in a secret language only you two know too?
Shadow: Um…no.
Dyrani: Oh, really? Heh, never mind…-listens- What was that, Cedric? -laughs- Yeah, he is funny-looking, isn’t he?
Shadow: I’m BLIND! And you’re insensitive, Cedric!
Lorelei: Well, I can tell you what that noise wasn’t. It wasn’t my magical flute that let me eavesdrop on your major flashbacks.
Shadow: Oh, okay.
Lorelei: Damn, I could go for some chicken right now.
Shadow: You know, that noise was coming from right…here. -points at Lorelei’s chest-
Lorelei: -judo-chops Shadow’s hand all badass-like- Don’t you point there, crazy hormonal boy!
Shadow: OW! -whimpers and holds hand- Hey, I’m blind. Why are you people so damn insensitive?
Lorelei: Oh, fine. I guess I’ll tell you just because I don’t want that freaky kid pointing at my bust anymore. -holds up flute- This is my magic flute.
Mozart: A…magic flute? -gasps-Sheer genius! I am suddenly inspired to write a very famous opera!
Shadow: Hey, get out of here, Mozart, there’s only room enough for two handicapped people in this thread.
Mozart: …um, you’re thinking of Beethoven, who’s deaf.
Beethoven: WAS? Did someone say my name?
Shadow: Whatever. All you damn classical composers are all the same.
Mozart: NOW who’s being insensitive?!
Lorelei: ANYWAY. My magic flute makes magic happen. It pwns you both.
Shadow: Oh, now I see.
Lorelei: No you can’t. It’s not THAT magical.
Shadow: …damn you and your insensitivity.
Dyrani: Speaking of insensitivity, I’m going to make conversation by asking you the most painful question I could ever ask. So, how’d you become blind?
Shadow: Yer mom.
Dyrani: Excuse me?
Shadow: You’re insensitive to me, I’m insensitive right back.
Dyrani: Bitch! You can forget that make-out session now. Go kiss Lorelei’s daughter.
Shadow: -whiningly- Aw, but that’s not till, like, 22 pages later! I can’t wait that long!
Dyrani: Well, tough knives, buck.
Shadow: Speaking of knives…-MAJORFLASHBACKPARTDEUX-
Lorelei: Oh dammit, here we go again. Why’re blind people always so self-absorbed?
Shadow: Okay, that’s crossing the line, bitch.
Lorelei: Remember Mr. Magic Flute, and how he pwns you.
Shadow: …Damn.
Also, if you want me to parodize one of YOUR roleplays, let me know. I might take a while to read it (if I'm not already a part of it) and then come up with ideas with which to make fun of it. xD
Anyway, I'm a little rusty, but I still hope you'll enjoy this first part so far. -bobs head- So, without further ado...
Fely Productions Presents
A Blind Destination: The PARODY
---------------
Shadow: Hmmlala. ’Tis fun to run into random crowds of people who obviously have no compassion for my plight, even though my veil makes it totally obvious that I’m blind. Oh! Random alleyway! This seems like the perfect place to meet girls.
Dyrani: Ooh, alleyway! I wonder if there are any guys waiting there to pick me up?
Shadow: I sense a female approaching. -tenses-
Dyrani: Whoa, he’s blind. ShaZAM! Maybe he wants compassion? Yo, blind kid! Need any help?
Shadow: Help with what?
Dyrani: Wow, he’s a slow one too.
Shadow: Oh, you mean my blindness? Heh. Heh. I don’t notice that anymore. Being blind, y’see.
Dyrani: Okay. Awkward. Let’s make small talk now.
Shadow: Works for me.
Lorelei: Duuude. Being back in this city gives me major flashbacks from my teenage years! It’s so…frickin’ white. Whoa, what’s this? Two random kids my daughter’s age? I’ve GOT to find out what they’re up to.
Dyrani: Don’t look now, but some random woman just came over and started talking to us.
Shadow: “Don’t look”…is that your idea of a joke? ’Cause I don’t find it funny! See? Not laughing, sister!
Dyrani: Chill, homeslizzle. BTW, I’m Dyrani.
Lorelei: And I’m…-dramatic pause- Lorelei.
Shadow: What’s with the dramatic pause? Did you ferget yer name? -snickers-
Lorelei: No, a-hole. Aren’t you gonna introduce yourself, or just sit there and be a jerk?
Shadow: I’m Shadow. Well, actually, that’s not my real name, but I chose it ’cause it sounds cooler and more mysterious-like. Uh oh. Thinking about my real name is giving me major flashbacks of that traumatic incident in my youth. Whatever you do, don’t eavesdrop on my sudden brainwave.
Lorelei: Because I’m awesome and I eat plot conveniences like it’s my job, I will now eavesdrop on your sudden brainwave. Ooh, do I smell chicken?
Past Shadow’s Mother: Of course, the last thing you remember about me is about FOOD. You males are all the same.
Past Shadow: Later, Mums. Keep workin’ on that chicken. Oh, and I’d tell you that I love you, but I don’t have any foresight. Besides, you’re not done with that chicken yet. Tell you what. I’ll tell you I love you after you’re done with that.
Past Shadow’s Mother: Y’know, if it weren’t for this damn chicken dinner, I’d just be the source of Shadow’s emotional trauma. Good to see that I have some character depth…NOT.
Past Shadow: “Follow the Leader” never gets old. Hey, random friends who’ll ditch me in my time of greatest need, follow me to that group of badass-looking guys there!
Past Badass-Looking Guys: Dude, the son just ran smack-dab into us! Sweet, now we don’t have to think! We also say the exact same thing at the exact same time! Aren’t we badass?
Past Random Friends: Time to show our true friendship. FLEE AND RUN AWAY AND DITCH OUR LEADER!
Past Shadow: Wait for meeeee! I don’t know if you get the rules, but I’m supposed to lead!
Past BLG: DOG-PILE ON SLOW KID! -jump on Shadow-
Past Shadow: This is unorthodox and more than a little awkward. Plus it hurts.
Past BLG: Now he can’t score a touchdown! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! The Superbowl is OURS!
Patriots: Um, hell no bitches.
Past BLG: Let’s tie him up and throw him around! Nothin’ like tossing an innocent boy around like a football to get the adrenaline rushin’…
Past Shadow’s Parents: And this is the end of our cameo.
Past BLG: You wish! You’re gonna get tied up and tossed around like footballs too! WE’RE GONNA OWN THE SUPERBOWL!
Past Shadow: Not if there’s anything I can do about it!
Past BLG: Well, there’s not.
Past Shadow: Oh right. Damn.
Past BLG: No one can handle our BAMF-ness! So let’s kill the parents and randomly blind the kid. Why don’t we kill the kid? Umm…plot device!
Past Shadow: I will not faint, I will not faint, I will not -faints-
---------------
Shadow: Oh snap, I’m back. Didja miss me?
Dyrani: You didn’t go anywhere. Freak.
Shadow: Oh, right. Hmm, I wonder why we all ran into each other at the same time in the same place?
Lorelei: It’s called a plot device, you idiot. Geez you’re slow.
Dyrani: So…what now?
Lorelei: I’m going to drag you to my magical institute whether you like it or not. You both have teh skillz and besides, it’s the only thing I can think of doing right now.
Shadow: Or we could smoke pot in this sketchy alleyway that was clearly made for people to smoke pot in. Then I can make out with both of you to satisfy my obviously raging hormones.
Dyrani: I like that idea better.
Lorelei: Um, dude, I’m like…30 years older than you.
Shadow: You are? Damn! I never know who’s pretty and who’s ugly these days. I can’t discriminate based on physical appearance, and it’s bugging the hell out of me!
Lorelei: -twitches- Did you say…“ugly”?
Shadow: Well, when I say “ugly,” I mean, “old.”
Lorelei: Did you say…“old”?
Shadow: Well, when I say “old,” I mean…not my type.
Lorelei: …
Dyrani: …
Tumbleweed: -drifts by-
Shadow: Uh, right, so, who knows the way to the institute? And by the way, what was that noise that I so perceptibly picked up?
Dyrani: What noise? OH OH! Do you have a special friend who talks only to you in a secret language only you two know too?
Shadow: Um…no.
Dyrani: Oh, really? Heh, never mind…-listens- What was that, Cedric? -laughs- Yeah, he is funny-looking, isn’t he?
Shadow: I’m BLIND! And you’re insensitive, Cedric!
Lorelei: Well, I can tell you what that noise wasn’t. It wasn’t my magical flute that let me eavesdrop on your major flashbacks.
Shadow: Oh, okay.
Lorelei: Damn, I could go for some chicken right now.
Shadow: You know, that noise was coming from right…here. -points at Lorelei’s chest-
Lorelei: -judo-chops Shadow’s hand all badass-like- Don’t you point there, crazy hormonal boy!
Shadow: OW! -whimpers and holds hand- Hey, I’m blind. Why are you people so damn insensitive?
Lorelei: Oh, fine. I guess I’ll tell you just because I don’t want that freaky kid pointing at my bust anymore. -holds up flute- This is my magic flute.
Mozart: A…magic flute? -gasps-Sheer genius! I am suddenly inspired to write a very famous opera!
Shadow: Hey, get out of here, Mozart, there’s only room enough for two handicapped people in this thread.
Mozart: …um, you’re thinking of Beethoven, who’s deaf.
Beethoven: WAS? Did someone say my name?
Shadow: Whatever. All you damn classical composers are all the same.
Mozart: NOW who’s being insensitive?!
Lorelei: ANYWAY. My magic flute makes magic happen. It pwns you both.
Shadow: Oh, now I see.
Lorelei: No you can’t. It’s not THAT magical.
Shadow: …damn you and your insensitivity.
Dyrani: Speaking of insensitivity, I’m going to make conversation by asking you the most painful question I could ever ask. So, how’d you become blind?
Shadow: Yer mom.
Dyrani: Excuse me?
Shadow: You’re insensitive to me, I’m insensitive right back.
Dyrani: Bitch! You can forget that make-out session now. Go kiss Lorelei’s daughter.
Shadow: -whiningly- Aw, but that’s not till, like, 22 pages later! I can’t wait that long!
Dyrani: Well, tough knives, buck.
Shadow: Speaking of knives…-MAJORFLASHBACKPARTDEUX-
Lorelei: Oh dammit, here we go again. Why’re blind people always so self-absorbed?
Shadow: Okay, that’s crossing the line, bitch.
Lorelei: Remember Mr. Magic Flute, and how he pwns you.
Shadow: …Damn.
