Post by Felypsa on Dec 10, 2011 21:46:03 GMT -6
Playwright's Note: Happy Holidays! Every year I try to write an end-of-year/Christmas-themed play. This year, I was assisted by the awesome possum Aveilthé, who made a bunch of SO puppets (soppets: it's a thing now) to go with this play! <3
A couple of brief notes:
1. The usual disclaimer that the people represented in this play are used as character parodies and are not necessarily related to their real-life personalities. Forgive me if you're offended by your portrayal, everything was just all in good fun.
2. My apologies to those not included, there are just too gosh-darned many of you :c
3. Beware of extreme silliness.
4. Enjoy!!
Felypsa Productions presents
(in conjunction with Aveilthé Art Studios)[/b]
A Very SOPPETChristmas Winter Solstice
Narrator: 'Twas the night before Christmas—
Wom: -mutters- Wolves don't celebrate Christmas.
Narrator: You never yield on that point, do you?
Wom: Not in these plays I don't! Consistency of character, aww yeah.
Narrator: As you wish.
"'Twas the night before the winter solstice,
And all through the clubhouse, not a creature was stirring, except for the hostess."
-to Playwright- You do realize that's not the original rhyming pattern, right?
Playwright: Not listening, too busy being brilliant.
Narrator: -sigh-
Ave: -runs around, picking things up- Argh, why the hell did I agree to host this damn party again?
-HELPFUL FLASHBACK-
Wom: Ave, this year, I'm leaving hosting duties to you.
Ave: WOOHOO!
Wom: Yes, see how you like it when you put all this thought into planning a party, and some unruly guest just BLOWS IT ALL UP.
Ave: When has that ever happened?
Wom: Are you serious?
-FLASHBACK WITHIN A FLASHBACK (ZOMG INCEPTION FLASHBACK)-
Wom: Happy Winter Solstice, everybody! -lights up the Christmas Solstice Tree-
Ave: I stuffed everyone's stockings with dynamite!
Wom: What? FUUUUUU—
Clubhouse: -EXPLODES and then burps out ash-
Ave: Another White Solstice. <3
-END INCEPTION FLASHBACK-
Ave: Oh yeah. I love White Solstices. <3
Wom: Well, maybe this time, I'll blow up your stinking party.
Ave: Not if I blow it up first!
Wom: First you have to host it!
Ave: WOOHOO!
-END HELPFUL FLASHBACK-
Ave: Oh yeah. Now I remember. It's a good thing that I'm so forgetful so that I can have exposition memories like that.
Narrator: "The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Chutra, Goddess of Winter, soon would be there.
The wolvies were nestled all snug in their dens—"
Playwright: Ahhh crappity crap, I ran out of pens.
Narrator: ...
Playwright: What?
Narrator: I see what you did there.
Playwright: Oh bugger off.
Narrator: -sigh-
"And Ave in her nightie, leaving the cake to bake,
Settled down to the toilet for a quick pee break."
Ave: GET OUT OF MY WAY I GOTTA PEE!
Narrator: "When right at the door there arose such a clatter—"
Demin Doorbell: Dingity dongity, come open the door, ho.
Ave: -grumbles- Need to change the ringer on that...
Narrator: "Ave sprang from the toilet to see what was the matter."
Ave: -drags self out of the bathroom-
Narrator: Nice springing.
Ave: I can't hear you, O Disembodied Voice. You're not a real person.
Narrator: ...ouch.
"Away to the door she flew like a bird
Peered out the peephole and said a bad word."
Ave: Aw, ffffffffffibberty gibbert!
Carolers: We're heeeeeeeere!
Ave: I hate carolers. Go away!
Demin Doorbell: Oh whoops, I "accidentally" opened the door anyway.
Ave: Ffffffff—
Moon_Song: We wish you a merry Solstice!
Mad: We wish you a merry Solstice!
Oki: We wish you a merry Solstice!
Sanka: And a happy new beeeeeeer.
Ave: I said I hate carolers! I hate them so much I could—hang on, did you say "beer"?
Sanka: Locked and loaded. -lifts up two six packs-
Ave: Awww yeaaah. Come on in!
Demin Doorbell: There is one person crossing the threshold. There is a second person crossing the threshold. There is a third person crossing the threshold. There is—
Ave: Jeez, do you have to do that?!
Demin Doorbell: Do you have to ask me that?
Ave: -grumble-
Demin Doorbell: 8]
Mad: Whoa man, sweet pad you got here!
Moon_Song: Aww, it's all Solstice-y.
Ave: Is it? I have no idea what a Solstice party should look like, so I just...sort of sprinkled Frosted Flakes cereal and baking soda everywhere.
Sanka: You're having A PARTY?! -rips off two bottle caps at once with his bare hands and takes a big gulp from both- Why didn't you say so??
Ave: Oh, it's like...a private party. n_n;;
Oki: Too private for us? D:
Ave: Weeell...
Moon_Song: Quick, everyone! Unanimous puppy-dog eyes face!
Carolers: -puppy-dog faces of dooooooom-
Ave: Aw, shucks! I can't resist it! It's just that, there might be some explosions and stuff...there are every year...
Mad: Sounds like a bitchin' party to me.
Sanka: We are so there!
Demin Doorbell: There be more people at the door. Come get it come get it come get it come get it come get it—
Ave: SHUT UP I'M GETTING IT!
Z: -kicks down the door- Merry Christmas, bitches.
Kiku: We heard that this year, we were celebrating the Solstice—
Fely: So we're here to bring back the rightful holiday.
Rel: I just wanted to bake gingerbread cookies. ^_^
Rick Perry: Hello I'm Rick Perry and I approve this message.
Fely: Aw hell no. Quick, Kiku and Z! Make out!
Kiku and Z: -look at each other, shrug, and start making out like no tomorrow-
Demin Doorbell: Awwww yeaaaaah.
Rick Perry: Noooo! Stop! You're breaking the economy! Forget this. -leaves-
Everyone: YAAAAY!
Narrator: And that stunning victory by the SOians over Rick Perry was later known as "The Battle for Gay Christmas." Wait, really? What happened to a redoing of the classic poem "The Night Before Christmas"?
Playwright: -shrugs- Didn't follow the plotline and I got tired of looking things up on rhyming dictionaries.
Narrator: You are truly dedicated to your craft.
Playwright: Besides, Wom did this poem three years ago, and it was much better than mine.
Narrator: Of that, at least, we can agree. But back to the action.
Mad: What're you talking about? Wolves don't celebrate Christmas.
Fely: But weeee're not wolves.
Moon_Song: But we're on a WOLF site.
Rel: Don't break the fourth wall! D:
Sanka: You broke it first!
Z: No your face did!
Sanka: I...wait, what?
Kiku: Oooh, is that beer?
Oki: You can't have any! It's Solstice beer.
Solstice Beer: Alcohol, the cause and solution to all of life's problems.
Kiku: That is definitely not a thing.
Oki: -shrugs- The Playwright made me say it.
Rel: -cries, running around picking up pieces of the broken fourth wall- You're hurting it!!
Mad: You are totally ruining our party. |:
Fely: Um, excuse me, your party? This was our party, before you losers showed up.
Mad: You wanna go?
Fely: Sure! Where're we going?
Mad: Outside, to settle this like men!
Moon_Song: I second that.
Oki: Third'd.
Sanka: Fourth'd. And Oki and I are actually men.
Kiku: -cracks knuckles- Not for much longer.
Narrator: And then the eight party "guests" launched themselves at each other in slow motion, ready to clash Matrix-style.
Everyone: -rolls around on the floor grappling with one another-
Ave: Stop! You're ruining my party! -spots the beer- >> -takes a bottle and chugs the whole thing in one go before burping-
Demin Doorbell: You're gross.
Ave: What? It's the holidays!
Z: Christmas!
Moon_Song: Winter Solstice!
Rel: The birth of Christ!
Oki: Chutra, Goddess of Winter!
Narrator: Suddenly, there was the sound of someone clapping really really slowly...
Wom: -clap....clap....clap...-
Narrator: But no one heard because they were too busy arguing/bitchslapping one another.
Wom: D:< -punches Demin's nose-
Demin Doorbell: Ow! Whatcha do that for? ;-;
Wom: Announce me!!
Demin Doorbell: -grumbles- Hey ding-dongs, someone new is here!
Narrator: Everyone looked up from fighting, and Ave finally looked up from having gone through five beers already somehow.
Wom: -does the slow clap again- Get it? I'm clapping slowly, which is an ironic and sarcastic kind of clap.
Ave: -burp- Yes, very clever. What do you want?
Wom: Remember when I said, "Well, maybe this time, I'll blow up your stinking party."
Ave: -thinks- No...
Wom: ):< We did a flashback of this at the beginning of the play.
Rel: -sobs- Stop it...the fourth wall is already broken enough...
Ave: We did?
-REPEAT FLASHBACK (are we seriously doing this?)-
Wom: Ave, this year, I'm leaving hosting duties to you.
Ave: WOOHOO!
Wom: Yes, see how you like it when you put all this thought into planning a party, and some unruly guest just BLOWS IT ALL UP. Well, maybe this time, I'll blow up your stinking party.
-END REPEAT FLASHBACK-
Wom: See? That's when I said that.
Ave: Oh, that's right.
Wom: Well, I JUST DID. MERRY FRICKING CHRISTMAS, BITCHES.
Mad: I thought you supported Winter Solstice! ):<
Wom: Er, yes, that. That is what I meant.
Z: Laaaame.
Wom: What?
Fely: Super lame. This was your revenge?
Wom: It's...it's an explosion that ruined Ave's party. D:
Sanka: Tchyeah, a metaphorical explosion.
Kiku: Which is easily the lamest of all explosions.
Moon_Song: Yeah, I'd been hoping for some real ones.
Rel: Because that's what Christmas is all about :3
Oki: No, that's what Winter Solstice is all about.
Demin Doorbell: For God's sake, who cares what we're celebrating, as long as we celebrate it with explosions?
Mad: You know, he has a point.
Wom: He does? No he doesn't.
Kiku: You're right, we've been too busy arguing over which holiday it is, that we forgot the most important thing of all: Ave worked hard on this party, and we need to blow it up!
Oki: Agreed!
Ave: I REMEMBERED.
Z: A little late there, hun. >>
Ave: No, no. I just remembered what I said after Wom said that other thing.
-BACK INTO FLASHBACK-
Wom: Well, maybe this time, I'll blow up your stinking party.
Ave: Not if I blow it up first!
-END FLASHBACK-
Ave: And I did! -rushes over to the oven to get the cake and comes back-
Cake: What a niccccce everything you have. It would be a ssssssshame if ssssssssssomething were to happen to it.
Everyone: Oooh, pretty cake...
Ave: It's got a time bomb inside it! I installed it, knowing that Wom would show up and try to take revenge on me! ^_^
Wom: WHAT?
Ave: Merry Christmas Solstice, everyone!
Wom: Nnnnnnooooooooo— -reaches for cake in slo-mo-
Cake: Tic, tic, tic, SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS--
Clubhouse: KA-BLOOEY!
Narrator: Predictably, though, she was too late, and everything exploded!
Wom: ;-; The clubhouse...again...NONE OF YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR DAMAGES YOU JERKS!
Rel: Aw, no snow this year.
Moon_Song: Yeah, it's raining instead...
Kiku: -sniffs the air- Wait...that's not rain...that's beer!
Sanka: My beer!
Ave: That's even better than snow!
Narrator: And so everyone had a delightful beer-filled holiday. Disclaimer: the Playwright would like to say that she in no way supports underage drinking. Something I find hard to believe.
Playwright: Oh go suck tree sap, Narrator.
Narrator: Er...some other time. Well, the gang learned an important lesson this year: the holiday doesn't matter, just as long as they're celebrating it together.
Ave: With explosions! And maybe some beer.
Narrator: Yes. With explosions and beer.
Wom: I hate you all. You are so on your own next year. No more parties in the clubhouse.
Narrator: Oh, we'll see about that. Merry Christmas Solstice, everyone! May your holidays be explosive!
A couple of brief notes:
1. The usual disclaimer that the people represented in this play are used as character parodies and are not necessarily related to their real-life personalities. Forgive me if you're offended by your portrayal, everything was just all in good fun.
2. My apologies to those not included, there are just too gosh-darned many of you :c
3. Beware of extreme silliness.
4. Enjoy!!
Felypsa Productions presents
(in conjunction with Aveilthé Art Studios)[/b]
A Very SOPPET
Narrator: 'Twas the night before Christmas— Wom: -mutters- Wolves don't celebrate Christmas. Narrator: You never yield on that point, do you? Wom: Not in these plays I don't! Consistency of character, aww yeah. Narrator: As you wish."'Twas the night before the winter solstice,
And all through the clubhouse, not a creature was stirring, except for the hostess."
-to Playwright- You do realize that's not the original rhyming pattern, right?
Playwright: Not listening, too busy being brilliant. Narrator: -sigh- Ave: -runs around, picking things up- Argh, why the hell did I agree to host this damn party again?-HELPFUL FLASHBACK-
Wom: Ave, this year, I'm leaving hosting duties to you. Ave: WOOHOO! Wom: Yes, see how you like it when you put all this thought into planning a party, and some unruly guest just BLOWS IT ALL UP. Ave: When has that ever happened? Wom: Are you serious?-FLASHBACK WITHIN A FLASHBACK (ZOMG INCEPTION FLASHBACK)-
Wom: Happy Winter Solstice, everybody! -lights up the Ave: I stuffed everyone's stockings with dynamite! Wom: What? FUUUUUU— Clubhouse: -EXPLODES and then burps out ash- Ave: Another White Solstice. <3-END INCEPTION FLASHBACK-
Ave: Oh yeah. I love White Solstices. <3 Wom: Well, maybe this time, I'll blow up your stinking party. Ave: Not if I blow it up first! Wom: First you have to host it! Ave: WOOHOO!-END HELPFUL FLASHBACK-
Ave: Oh yeah. Now I remember. It's a good thing that I'm so forgetful so that I can have exposition memories like that. Narrator: "The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,In hopes that Chutra, Goddess of Winter, soon would be there.
The wolvies were nestled all snug in their dens—"
Playwright: Ahhh crappity crap, I ran out of pens. Narrator: ... Playwright: What? Narrator: I see what you did there. Playwright: Oh bugger off. Narrator: -sigh-"And Ave in her nightie, leaving the cake to bake,
Settled down to the toilet for a quick pee break."
Ave: GET OUT OF MY WAY I GOTTA PEE! Narrator: "When right at the door there arose such a clatter—" Demin Doorbell: Dingity dongity, come open the door, ho. Ave: -grumbles- Need to change the ringer on that... Narrator: "Ave sprang from the toilet to see what was the matter." Ave: -drags self out of the bathroom- Narrator: Nice springing. Ave: I can't hear you, O Disembodied Voice. You're not a real person. Narrator: ...ouch."Away to the door she flew like a bird
Peered out the peephole and said a bad word."
Ave: Aw, ffffffffffibberty gibbert! Carolers: We're heeeeeeeere! Ave: I hate carolers. Go away! Demin Doorbell: Oh whoops, I "accidentally" opened the door anyway. Ave: Ffffffff— Moon_Song: We wish you a merry Solstice! Mad: We wish you a merry Solstice! Oki: We wish you a merry Solstice! Sanka: And a happy new beeeeeeer. Ave: I said I hate carolers! I hate them so much I could—hang on, did you say "beer"? Sanka: Locked and loaded. -lifts up two six packs- Ave: Awww yeaaah. Come on in! Demin Doorbell: There is one person crossing the threshold. There is a second person crossing the threshold. There is a third person crossing the threshold. There is— Ave: Jeez, do you have to do that?! Demin Doorbell: Do you have to ask me that? Ave: -grumble- Demin Doorbell: 8] Mad: Whoa man, sweet pad you got here! Moon_Song: Aww, it's all Solstice-y. Ave: Is it? I have no idea what a Solstice party should look like, so I just...sort of sprinkled Frosted Flakes cereal and baking soda everywhere. Sanka: You're having A PARTY?! -rips off two bottle caps at once with his bare hands and takes a big gulp from both- Why didn't you say so?? Ave: Oh, it's like...a private party. n_n;; Oki: Too private for us? D: Ave: Weeell... Moon_Song: Quick, everyone! Unanimous puppy-dog eyes face! Carolers: -puppy-dog faces of dooooooom- Ave: Aw, shucks! I can't resist it! It's just that, there might be some explosions and stuff...there are every year... Mad: Sounds like a bitchin' party to me. Sanka: We are so there! Demin Doorbell: There be more people at the door. Come get it come get it come get it come get it come get it— Ave: SHUT UP I'M GETTING IT! Z: -kicks down the door- Merry Christmas, bitches. Kiku: We heard that this year, we were celebrating the Solstice— Fely: So we're here to bring back the rightful holiday. Rel: I just wanted to bake gingerbread cookies. ^_^ Rick Perry: Hello I'm Rick Perry and I approve this message. Fely: Aw hell no. Quick, Kiku and Z! Make out! Kiku and Z: -look at each other, shrug, and start making out like no tomorrow- Demin Doorbell: Awwww yeaaaaah. Rick Perry: Noooo! Stop! You're breaking the economy! Forget this. -leaves- Everyone: YAAAAY! Narrator: And that stunning victory by the SOians over Rick Perry was later known as "The Battle for Gay Christmas." Wait, really? What happened to a redoing of the classic poem "The Night Before Christmas"? Playwright: -shrugs- Didn't follow the plotline and I got tired of looking things up on rhyming dictionaries. Narrator: You are truly dedicated to your craft. Playwright: Besides, Wom did this poem three years ago, and it was much better than mine. Narrator: Of that, at least, we can agree. But back to the action. Mad: What're you talking about? Wolves don't celebrate Christmas. Fely: But weeee're not wolves. Moon_Song: But we're on a WOLF site. Rel: Don't break the fourth wall! D: Sanka: You broke it first! Z: No your face did! Sanka: I...wait, what? Kiku: Oooh, is that beer? Oki: You can't have any! It's Solstice beer. Solstice Beer: Alcohol, the cause and solution to all of life's problems. Kiku: That is definitely not a thing. Oki: -shrugs- The Playwright made me say it. Rel: -cries, running around picking up pieces of the broken fourth wall- You're hurting it!! Mad: You are totally ruining our party. |: Fely: Um, excuse me, your party? This was our party, before you losers showed up. Mad: You wanna go? Fely: Sure! Where're we going? Mad: Outside, to settle this like men! Moon_Song: I second that. Oki: Third'd. Sanka: Fourth'd. And Oki and I are actually men. Kiku: -cracks knuckles- Not for much longer. Narrator: And then the eight party "guests" launched themselves at each other in slow motion, ready to clash Matrix-style. Everyone: -rolls around on the floor grappling with one another- Ave: Stop! You're ruining my party! -spots the beer- >> -takes a bottle and chugs the whole thing in one go before burping- Demin Doorbell: You're gross. Ave: What? It's the holidays! Z: Christmas! Moon_Song: Winter Solstice! Rel: The birth of Christ! Oki: Chutra, Goddess of Winter! Narrator: Suddenly, there was the sound of someone clapping really really slowly... Wom: -clap....clap....clap...- Narrator: But no one heard because they were too busy arguing/bitchslapping one another. Wom: D:< -punches Demin's nose- Demin Doorbell: Ow! Whatcha do that for? ;-; Wom: Announce me!! Demin Doorbell: -grumbles- Hey ding-dongs, someone new is here! Narrator: Everyone looked up from fighting, and Ave finally looked up from having gone through five beers already somehow. Wom: -does the slow clap again- Get it? I'm clapping slowly, which is an ironic and sarcastic kind of clap. Ave: -burp- Yes, very clever. What do you want? Wom: Remember when I said, "Well, maybe this time, I'll blow up your stinking party." Ave: -thinks- No... Wom: ):< We did a flashback of this at the beginning of the play. Rel: -sobs- Stop it...the fourth wall is already broken enough... Ave: We did?-REPEAT FLASHBACK (are we seriously doing this?)-
Wom: Ave, this year, I'm leaving hosting duties to you. Ave: WOOHOO! Wom: Yes, see how you like it when you put all this thought into planning a party, and some unruly guest just BLOWS IT ALL UP. Well, maybe this time, I'll blow up your stinking party.-END REPEAT FLASHBACK-
Wom: See? That's when I said that. Ave: Oh, that's right. Wom: Well, I JUST DID. MERRY FRICKING CHRISTMAS, BITCHES. Mad: I thought you supported Winter Solstice! ):< Wom: Er, yes, that. That is what I meant. Z: Laaaame. Wom: What? Fely: Super lame. This was your revenge? Wom: It's...it's an explosion that ruined Ave's party. D: Sanka: Tchyeah, a metaphorical explosion. Kiku: Which is easily the lamest of all explosions. Moon_Song: Yeah, I'd been hoping for some real ones. Rel: Because that's what Christmas is all about :3 Oki: No, that's what Winter Solstice is all about. Demin Doorbell: For God's sake, who cares what we're celebrating, as long as we celebrate it with explosions? Mad: You know, he has a point. Wom: He does? No he doesn't. Kiku: You're right, we've been too busy arguing over which holiday it is, that we forgot the most important thing of all: Ave worked hard on this party, and we need to blow it up! Oki: Agreed! Ave: I REMEMBERED. Z: A little late there, hun. >> Ave: No, no. I just remembered what I said after Wom said that other thing.-BACK INTO FLASHBACK-
Wom: Well, maybe this time, I'll blow up your stinking party. Ave: Not if I blow it up first!-END FLASHBACK-
Ave: And I did! -rushes over to the oven to get the cake and comes back- Cake: What a niccccce everything you have. It would be a ssssssshame if ssssssssssomething were to happen to it. Everyone: Oooh, pretty cake... Ave: It's got a time bomb inside it! I installed it, knowing that Wom would show up and try to take revenge on me! ^_^ Wom: WHAT? Ave: Merry Christmas Solstice, everyone! Wom: Nnnnnnooooooooo— -reaches for cake in slo-mo- Cake: Tic, tic, tic, SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS-- Clubhouse: KA-BLOOEY! Narrator: Predictably, though, she was too late, and everything exploded! Wom: ;-; The clubhouse...again...NONE OF YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR DAMAGES YOU JERKS! Rel: Aw, no snow this year. Moon_Song: Yeah, it's raining instead... Kiku: -sniffs the air- Wait...that's not rain...that's beer! Sanka: My beer! Ave: That's even better than snow! Narrator: And so everyone had a delightful beer-filled holiday. Disclaimer: the Playwright would like to say that she in no way supports underage drinking. Something I find hard to believe. Playwright: Oh go suck tree sap, Narrator. Narrator: Er...some other time. Well, the gang learned an important lesson this year: the holiday doesn't matter, just as long as they're celebrating it together. Ave: With explosions! And maybe some beer. Narrator: Yes. With explosions and beer. Wom: I hate you all. You are so on your own next year. No more parties in the clubhouse. Narrator: Oh, we'll see about that. Merry Christmas Solstice, everyone! May your holidays be explosive!
hehe I feel loved, too. This was well done and quite funny. Pretty spot on for my personality XD
