A Winter Solstice Celebration

[Felypsa]

So, just so that I'm not completely stealing Wom's thunder, the idea to write a Christmas-themed play was inspired by Wom's "The Night Before SO-mas," which you should all read because it has kickass rhyming skillz.

Also, this play turned out WAY more epic and long than I had intended. Deal with it.

Also, even if you're not in the play, it doesn't mean I don't love you. I just thought that the cast was crazy enough as it was. A very Merry Christmas to you all!

Without further ado...

---

Felypsa Productions presents

A Winter Solstice Explosion Celebration

Wom: -tiptoes into the SO clubhouse- I can't believe this thing is still here after all the years...and explosions...

RANDOMFLASHBACKMONTAGE

Everyone: Happy Birthday, Wom! xDD Have cake!

Ave: I baked it for you and put the bomb in and everything!

Wom: Aw, thanks, that's – wait, what did you say?

SO Clubhouse: -EXPLODES-

Wom: Wtf??

LATER

Everyone: Happy Halloween, Wom! Do you like our costumes?

Kiku: I'm a sexy man!

Z: I'm a giant toe!

Fely: I'm...Yer Mom.

Ave: And I'm a gigantic stick of dynamite!

Wom: Wow, you guys's costumes are so cool – wait, what did Ave say she was?

Ave: Ooh, a candle! -bends down to look at it-

Wom: Ave, your fuse, no!

SO Clubhouse: -EXPLODES-

Wom: Not again!!

EVEN LATER

Everyone: Merry Christmas, Wom! We got you a Christmas tree!

Ave: And as a special surprise, I filled all the Christmas tree lights with ammonium nitrate!

Wom: Wow, it's so purdy – wait, what did Ave just say?

Ave: ^_^ -turns on Christmas lights-

SO Clubhouse: -EXPLODES-

Wom: Aw, DAMMIT!

RETURNTOPRESENT

Wom: -shakes head and sighs- Not this year. This year...we're going to have a very UNexplosive Winter Solstice Celebration.

Narrator from "The Night Before SO-mas": Why not "Christmas"? Why don't you just say the damn word? Stop trying to be so PC, everyone knows that what we're really celebrating is –

Wom: I thought you quit!!

Narrator: I came back!

Wom: Well, quit again!

Narrator: No! I'm narrating this story the way I damn well want to!

Wom: But I'm the one in charge –

Narrator: -in a loud voice- And then Wom stopped arguing with herself and started to prepare the long-abandoned SO clubhouse for the CHRISTMAS party.

Wom: Winter Solstice Cele –

Narrator: That was when AVE came in!

Wom: -pales- Oh no!

Ave: -kicks down the door- Oops, sorry about that...I wanted a dramatic entrance ^_^;

Wom: Ave, you haven't...er, brought any explosive material to this year's party, I mean, celebration, did you?

Ave: Explosive material? Hmm, none...-spins around and reveals Blitzy standing there- Except for BLITZY'S HOT BOD!

Blitzy: Hellz yeah! -poses in a very explosively sexy way-

Wom: ...

Crickets: -chirp-

Tumbleweed: -tumbles by-

Wind: -blows through-

Narrator: -snores-

Blitzy: Oh come on, people! -pouts- That shoulda lit the whole place up!

Wom: The clubhouse survived! Thank the stars!

Narrator: -mutters- Just say "thank God," dammit.

Blitzy: This place is a total dump.

Wom: It hasn't been used for years! After the last explosion, I gave up!

Ave: That's okay, we can clean up in no time!

Blitzy: Well, I'm not helping. I'm going to go back out with the Jeff, see you guys when the work's all done. -grabs Jeff out of nowhere and drags him to the closet-

Narrator: And so the two with ADD worked together to clean up the entire messy house, while the two who could have really done something about it made out in Blitzy's closet.

Ave: I'm done with this. I want cookies!

Wom: But it's only been...

Narrator: Five seconds.

Wom: -.-' Thanks.

Narrator: I have my uses.

The Closet: -makes sketchy loud noises-

Wom: -blushes- Oh goodness.

Ave: Wooo! Go Blitzy! Yeah girl, tap that sexy ass!

The Closet: -groans really loudly-

Narrator: And two seconds later...

Blitzy: -comes out of closet with disheveled hair and clothes looking bright and glowing- Merry [grrr]ing Christmas, everyone! -pause- Aw, come on! The clubhouse didn't explode after all that hotness?

Ave: That was some chess game, eh, Blitzy? -winkwinknudgenudge-

Wom: You know, I used to like chess. Now it's been ruined for me.

Blitzy: Oh I can change that up...-winks at Wom-

Wom: ...I think NOW'S a good time for the rest of the guests to show up.

Ave: But we haven't cleaned up yet!

Narrator: Too late, dumbasses. The doorbell rings –

Wom: Why ring the doorbell? The door's open! Hell, the door's destroyed!

Narrator: – and the VIPs and VUPs alike rolled in.

Wom: VUP?

Narrator: Very Unimportant Person.

Wom: Pfft, they're ALL VUPs.

Z: I heard that, you bish! -tackles-

Wom: Argh!

Fely: Hey, what's he doing here? -points to Narrator-

Narrator: Oh. It's you. -glares at her-

Fely: -glares right back-

Z: What, are you two estranged lovers or something?

Fely: No...but I don't get along well with narrators.

Narrator: This is true, but Fely sucks it up because the story needs to go on without her whiny complaints.

Fely: -twitches- YOU AREN'T IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE!

Narrator: As the guests –

Fely: -interrupting- Wom, do you have a toilet?

Wom: Wolves don't need toilets!

Fely: ...

Wom: ...

Fely: ...

Wom: Fine, it's down the hall to the left.

Fely: Thanks. I think I'm going to need it soon.

Z: Been hittin' the bar already, eh? -nudgenudge-

Fely: No...-glares ominously at Narrator- I have a different use for it.

Blitzy: What bar? There's a bar?! -looks around-

Wom: There's no bar! We have under-21 Americans and under-19 Canadians coming...

Z: Hey, what's this curtain here? -approaches it-

Wom: Pay no attention to the bar behind the curtain! I mean...dammit...

Z: -whisks open curtain- I found the bar!

Blitzy: WOOOOOOO!

Narrator: ANYWAY, more guests enter. Twilly and Lexi, who sit down in the nearest loveseat and become oblivious to the world –

Twilly: I love you, my honey bunches of oats.

Lexi: And I love you, my lucky charms.

Twilly: Well, I love you more, my frosted flakes.

Lexi: Still not as much as I love you, my cocoa puffs.

Demin: Stop! Stop with the cereal! ALMIGHTY GOD IN HEAVEN, MAKE IT STOP! -smites both Twilly and Lexi-

Narrator: Oh yeah, Demin came too. And he brought his rifle.

Demin: -shoots up the place- >=D

Wom: No! The clubhouse! -runs at Demin and takes away his rifle- No harming the clubhouse. I FORBID it.

Demin: D'awww, no fun.

Wom: Everyone needs to calm down so we can clean up.

Narrator: But unfortunately, that was when Kiku entered...

Kiku: OMGENERGY! -pounces and slobbers over Wom-

Wom: Kiku! I love you but gah!

Kiku: n.n; Gotta run! So many other people to pounce and slobber upon!

Narrator: Kiku bounds away to do such...and Wom steps back to survey the chaos.

Wom: -steps back- That seemed unnecessary. Anyway...-surveys chaos-

Z: -is hitting on Kiku at the bar- Yer such a sexy man...are you into handcuffs?

Kiku: -slobbers over Z-

Z: Rawr, baby.

Blitzy: Jeff? Jeeeeeff? Where aaare you? I want to play chess again!

Demin: I ate him with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

Blitzy: Demin, you whore! I hate you!

Demin: -makes a sad face and lip trembles, about to cry-

Blitzy: Just kidding! You want to come to the closet with me?

Demin: ...oh the choices.

Blitzy: -grabs Demin and drags him into closet-

Ave: -is also in closet- Hullo, guys! n.n

Demin: GAH!

Blitzy: This is such an amazing fantasy that I could piss myself. -pause- Whoops, I did!

Demin: Wait, no, I need to get out of here –

Blitzy: -slams closet door shut before he can- Now...let's make the clubhouse explode, eh guys? ;D

Ave: Oh bby.

Demin: ...help.

Twilly: LEXI! Lexi, where are you?

Lexi: -muffled voice- Um, coming, Twilly!

Twilly: Lexi?

Lexi: -is zipping up pants and whispering to Narrator- Tell no one.

Narrator: The secret's safe with me, baby.

Lexi: You'll be here after the party?

Narrator: I'll always be here for you, hun.

Lexi: Good. -pause- One more kiss. -starts making out with Narrator-

Twilly: -stumbles upon them- O.O God, Lexi! What are you doing? Or, rather – who are you doing?

Lexi: -yelps and jumps apart- It's not what it looks like –

Narrator: Except it is!

Lexi: -glares at him- Why are you spilling the truth? I thought you said you'd keep the secret?

Narrator: I'm a narrator, honey. I narrate what happens. It's what I do, it's who I am...I can't change that.

Twilly: Lexi...I...I can't believe you would do this to me...and at Christmastime, too...

Lexi: No, Twilly! Don't –

Twilly: Damn you, Narrator! -advances toward him-

Narrator: Uh, unfortunately, that was when Wom decided to put an end to all the chaos.

Wom: All right, EVERYBODY SHUT UP AND STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING!

Twilly: Dammit!

Narrator: Everyone froze in the middle of what they were doing.

Twilly: -freezes midstride- Double dammit!

Lexi: -is wrapping her exposed torso in a Christmas garland-

Z: -is handcuffing Kiku-

Kiku: -is standing a puddle of her own slobber-

Blitzy, Demin, and Ave: -are in a very awkward position-

Blitzy: That was probably...the worst time to stop us.

Wom: Okay, now that I have your attention...we need to prettify the clubhouse, make it more Chr – more festive! Like the winter solstice! Because this is a Winter Solstice Celebration!

Demin: Are you serious?

Wom: Yes!

Twilly: Is this going to be some kind of cheap Christmas special ripoff, where we all have to work together and end up getting along and singing about it?

Wom: Hopefully!

Everyone: -groans-

Wom: What's wrong with that? Don't you want to celebrate the Chr – the winter solstice spirit?

Ave: Yes, but not to a godawful cheesy extent!

Narrator: Well that was just tough beans for everyone, because they were going to have to go through with it and like it, so that they can all sing Christmas carols and say "God bless us, every one" at the end!

Fely: No! NO! I refuse! I rebel! I won't let it happen this way!!

Narrator: You don't have a choice –

Fely: Yes, I do have a choice, dammit! And I choose...that you will go down the toilet in a glorious Christmas flush!

Narrator: Unfortunately, before Fely could do that, everyone tackled her to the ground and dogpiled on her.

Fely: No! Everyone, don't!

Everyone: -does-

Fely: Dammit!

Narrator: Now...you WILL all be happy and Christmas-y. Got it?

Wom: And no explosions!

Ave: No...explosions? -pause- Screw that! -steps away from Fely-

Narrator: What?

Blitzy: Yeah, please, this party would be lame if we just had to clean up stuff. -steps away-

Demin: Really, really lame. -steps away- I want my rifle back!

Twilly: Besides, why should I listen to the guy who stole my girlfriend? -steps away-

Lexi: He didn't steal me! I've been yours all along, Twilly! -jumps into his arms-

Z: I dun wanna let go of my Fely.

Kiku: -is sitting in Fely's hair- Me neither!

Fely: That's fine...I only need one hand to flush. -glares dramatically at Narrator-

Narrator: You can't do this to me.

Fely: Watch me. -drags Narrator down the hall and to the left-

Narrator: Stop! Fely was thwarted in her efforts! She was unable to flush the very handsome and very likeable Narrator –

Fely: Eat sewer pipe, Narrator. -flushes toilet-

Narrator: Nooooooooooooooooooooooo.........!

Everyone: -cheers-

Blitzy: That was hot!

Z: I wanna hold hands and sing songs now!

Kiku: -reaches into Fely's hair and throws dandruff everywhere- It's snow!

Twilly: Snow? Inside? It's a Christmas miracle!

Wom: Winter sol –

Demin: Don't say it, Wom!

Wom: ...fine. A Christmas miracle.

Everyone: Yay!

Wom: The real Christmas miracle, though, is that the clubhouse didn't explode.

Blitzy: In spite of all my best efforts. D:

Wom: Haha, yeah...wait...has anyone seen Ave?

Fely: She hasn't spoken in, like, twenty lines.

Wom: Wait...

Ave: Guess what I got everybody for Christmas? Grenades! -throws them around at people-

Wom: Cool! Wait...pins in or out?

Ave: Oh, they were annoying, so I took them out. Merry Christmas, everyone!

Wom: Oh fu –

SO Clubhouse: -EXPLODES-

Z: Wow, look at the snow!

Wom: That's not snow, that's debris and ash!

Lexi: It's so beautiful...

Wom: Wtf is wrong with you people?!

Demin: Nothing like total destruction to celebrate Christmas properly.

Blitzy: I'll drink to that. -does so-

Fely: A toast! To freedom of choice!

Z: To alcohol!

Kiku: To sexy people and to hair!

Twilly: To girlfriends!

Lexi: To whipped boyfriends!

Demin: To rifles!

Blitzy: To hot, sweaty sex in the closet! I mean...to chess! >.>

Ave: To explosions! And snow!

Everyone: -looks at Wom-

Wom: -grumbles- All right, I'll do it...to Christmas!

Everyone: -cheers and tosses one back-

MEANWHILE
in the sewer

Narrator: And they all had a very merry Christmas...except me...-sighs- God bless us, every one.

THE END
(it's finally over!)

[Aveilthé]

That was the epicest of all epic plays! Yours and Wom's play kicked so much ass. I pissed an ocean after reading this xD

[Foxfire]

EPICEPICEPICPEICAAAHH *explodes*
Best story evar! I almost died reading this <3333333