Mercenary Among Merchants - The Play

[Felypsa]

Mercenary Among Merchants: The Play

Part VI

by Fely/Foxie[/i]

_____

Random Narrator: And we return to the world of Fortuné's strange past...

Past Fortuné: ...and then while I was showing off my mad equestrian skillz, she totally like looked the other way at some other guy who wasn't even as pretty or as skilled as I was, and then like my stupid horse tripped and I ended up breaking, like, seven nails...it was so traumatic, it scarred me for life--

Past Ron: Do you want me to impale you on my sword?

Past Fortuné: Uhh...not really, it might get blood over my shirt, which my mom gave me for my last birthday, doesn't she have excellent taste? Except it's getting ruined now that we're traveling over such rugged land, I had no idea vampires would live so far from civilization--

Past Ron: If you don't want me to introduce my sword to your stomach, then SHUT UP!!

Past Fortuné: Meep! Okay, I'll be quiet.

Past Ron: -mutters- Boys...

Past Fortuné: Hey, look, it's nighttime! Since vampires come out at night, wouldn't it be smart of us to go to sleep and be vulnerable while the vamp comes out to kill us?

Past Ron: Good idea!

Past Fortuné: I thought so, myself. I wonder if I'll have a dream within a dream while I'm sleeping...-falls asleep and snores-

Past Ron: Gods, even in his dream he snores loudly enough to warn ships away from the shore! -twitches and reaches for sword-

Eerie Singing: Ploooot deviiiiiiice!

Past Fortuné: -shoots up awake- Omiguh, it's December! Wait a sec...December wasn't even born yet...

Past Ron: Pretty song...must...walk like zombie...and yell at Fortuné...

Past Fortuné: I get no love. Except from Meadow-flower! -love-

Past Meadow-flower: Y'know, if you had ANY SENSE AT ALL, you'd listen to the horses.

Past Fortuné: Don't be silly, Meadow-flower, you know I don't have any sense! I have to find my one love!

Past Ron: No, she's MY one love!

Past Fortuné: Nuh uh, you're old!

Past Ron: So? I could totally kick yer arse any day!

Past Fortuné: Let's make her choose!

Past Ron: You're on!

Past Meadow-flower: The testosterone...so thick in the air...-keels over-

_____

December: I miss my ol' mercenary buddies...they were so much ruggedly sexier...

Zayn: -TOTALGLOOM-

December: So, um, what's with the broken mirrors and the burnt wood?

Zayn: None of yer friggin' beeswax, ho! -MORETOTALGLOOM-

December: Oooookay...I think -someone- needs a nappie!

Jolene: Yo, anyone want to come and save me from the Snores of DOOM?!

Zayn: THANK GOD SOMEONE'S AWAKE!!

December: Yup, you definitely need your nappie.

Zayn: A little bump? A LITTLE BUMP? Fortuné, where in hell is your honor?!

Fortuné: -snoresofDOOM-

Rosaline: WHOA. That gloomy guy is totally HOT. -drops Fortuné's head-

Fortuné: -snoresofDOOM-

Zayn: I am going to pretend I do not notice that this totally hot girl is staring at me...

Rosaline: -STARE-

December: Y'all are so immature. Are any of you hurt? No? Damn. And I was so hoping.

Rosaline: -STARE-

Zayn: -NOLONGERTOTALGLOOM-

December: Wake up, Fortuné. I've been dying to make out with you since your brother grabbed me most inappropriately back there...err, no one heard that.

Jolene: Anyone else feel like the fifth wheel here?

Imi: Don't worry, Jolene, you and me, we can totally make out.

Jolene: O.O? BESTIALITY IS ILLEGAL!

Imi: I'm just kidding. -whispers- But seriously, think we should get a room?

Jolene: HELP!

_____

Past Fortuné: -walks into low-hanging branch-

Past Ron: Y'know, if there were a big open plain with JUST ONE ROCK in it, you'd definitely trip over it.

Past Fortuné: Hitting my nose has just given me an epiphany! Suddenly I think that what we're doing is not a good idea!

Past Ron: Good, then I can have the girl, and you can rot in hell.

Past Fortuné: Wait, Ron! -whacks Ron's nose with a branch-

Past Ron: ...the hell?

Past Fortuné: Well, it worked for me.

Past Ron: Hark! An epiphany! We were so stupid to follow the voice!

Past Fortuné: You're right! And since it's obviously coming from that clichéd old dark tower over there, we should continue to follow it!

Steve Irwin (may he rest in peace): I agree! Going directly to the source of danger is the best course to take!

Past Fortuné: Well, the Croc Hunter agrees! It must be a good idea!

Past Ron: I can't wait to kick that vampy's arse.

Past Fortuné: What is it with you and people's arses?

Past Ron: Let's go in through the front!

Past Fortuné: ...shouldn't we sneak in?

Past Ron: No, let's use the front and alert everyone within a twenty-mile radius what we're doing!

Past Fortuné: I guess you'd know best!

Eerie Singing: Oh snap, and you thought you were finished with me!

Past Ron: -is reduced to a drooling hunk of male flesh-

Past Fortuné: -can't be reduced because he was only a drooling hunk of male flesh to begin with-

Past Vampire: Look at me, I'm as hot as Rosaline and as badass as December! Except really, really evil!

Past Fortuné: That won't work on me! They're still not born yet!

Past Vampire: Mmmm, breakfast. -SUCKSRON'SBLOOD-

Past Fortuné: That ain't cool, yo! Don't mess wit' my friends!

Past Vampire & Ron: -disappear-

Past Fortuné: Curses! Well, you can run, but you can't hide! -searches castle- ...or maybe you can. Heh. -searches castle again- Okay, seriously, this isn't funny. -searches castle again- I don't like hide and seek! Ollie ollie oxen free!

Time: -passes-

Past Fortuné: None of these objects are as pretty as mine! They deserve to die! -destroys random things-

Past Vampire: WHOA! Don't mess with those, I'm totally materialistic! -reappears holding a lightsaber-

Past Fortuné: Bwahaha, I have you now! -gets out lightsaber-

Past Vampire & Fortuné: -have a fiercely entertaining lightsaber duel that totally PWNS George Lucas-

Past Fortuné: My name is Fortuné Perouché! You killed my brother! Prepare to die!

Past Vampire: Oh, that is SO lame.

Inigo Montoya: Hey, it worked for me!

Past Fortuné: YOU KILLED MY BROTHER!!

Past Vampire: No, Fortuné...I AM your brother!!

Past Fortuné: -gasp- NOOOOOOO - wait, how does that work?

Past Vampire: It doesn't. I just wanted to see how stupid you really are.

Past Fortuné: -idiotic grin- Oh, okay! -resumes duel-

Past Vampire: -stabs Fortuné-

Past Fortuné: -punches Vampire-

Past Vampire: Okay, that is definitely a FOUL!! -stabs Fortuné in the back-

Past Fortuné: Y'know, the whole protagonist-always-wins-rule can kick in ANY TIME NOW!!

Past Vampire: Your brother was so much cooler than you. -SLURPSFORTUNÉ'SBLOOD-

Past Fortuné: I am...not...yet...dead....!

Protagonist-Always-Wins-Rule: -kicks in-

Past Fortuné: -miraculously wounds Vampire- Whee, this is fun, beating your head over and over again!

Past Vampire: Wait, Fortuné, I really am your brother! Don't kill meeeeee....

Past Fortuné: You're too hot to be my brother. -viciously beheads her-

Past Vampire's Head: Oh come on, are you just gonna walk away?

Past Fortuné: What? You're dead!

Past Vampire's Head: So? C'mon, have at it! Chicken!!

Past Fortuné: Your whole head's off!

Past Vampire's Head: A flesh wound. Let's go! BRING IT, FOO!

Past Fortuné: -throws head out the window- Time to wake up! =^_^=

_____

Fortuné: -yawns and stretches- I just had the most wonderful dream! And you were there -points to Zayn- and you and...wait a second, none of the rest of you were there.

December: Or WERE we? -shifty eyes-

Fortuné: DECEMBER! OMIGUH I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!! -slobbers all over her-

December: Oh, you just totally turned me off.

Rosaline: Beloved? Why aren't you slobbering disgustingly all over meeee? -flutters eyelashes-

Fortuné: Sure! Wait a sec...who the hell are you?

Rosaline: T_T MY HEART IS BROKEN....heeey, hot gloomy dude, what's new? -mouths "Call me" and winks obviously at Zayn-

Zayn: I'm continuing to pretend I don't see that sexy chick trying to hit on me by yelling at my idiot brother.

Fortuné: ZAYN! OMIGUH I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!! -slobbers all over him-

Imi: Whoa! Déjà vu, anyone?

Rosaline: I'm totally feeling left out from the whole drooling party...

December: Trust me...you don't want to be a part of it...

Zayn: This is disgusting. Fortuné, don't you remember anything?!

Fortuné: -thinks and grins stupidly- Nope!

December: Sweet! He's totally forgotten that other girl! Now I can have him all to myself!

Imi: December, you really need to stop talking out loud to yourself.

December: Let's bust this joint.

Fortuné: I agree; it's too dirty here.

Rosaline: -sniffles very obviously, hurt and angry-

Zayn: Can...no longer...pretend...I don't...notice...-clears throat; sprays on cologne; sprays mouth freshener- Ahem...excuse me, Chri--milady, shall I lead you out of this place?

Rosaline: The way you mistake me for your past lover really turns me on. -music swells in the background as they stare into each other's eyes-

December: None of that, now, none of that! -music dies-

Zayn: Um, right. Come on, milady. Let's leave the crabby woman and the fop behind.

Rosaline: Anywhere you go, let me go tooo...

Zayn: That's all I ask of...

December: It's too early to be singing that! MOVE!

Fortuné: Hey, December...-waggles eyebrows suggestively- Wanna take MY hand?

December: You're so stupidly chivalrous, I can't resist.

Imi: -sighs- THIS ought to be interesting...

The Maker of this Play: As usual, Imi gets the closing statements. Because she's just cool like that.

Imi: Damn straight!

The Maker of this Play: Stay tuned to find out what happens next in the crazy world of Vampires and Angels and Blondes (Oh my)! Don't you dare touch that remote! Don't touch it, I say! No, stop -

Screen: -goes black-

[Relairah]

*GIGGLESNERK* xP Fely strikes again! LOL STUPENDOUS JOB FELY! ^-^ ISH SO FUNNEH XD Dang, I feel like I haev missed alot *must go look* Well, I hopefully can join back in... for the millionth time! xD

[Aveilthé]

Oh geez Foxie, that was a CLASSIC.

Past Ron: -is reduced to a drooling hunk of male flesh-

Past Fortuné: -can't be reduced because he was only a drooling hunk of male flesh to begin with-

Ahahahhaaaaa XDDD Awesome, girl. I read it twice and enjoyed it immensely. Parodies just rock my socks off. You should totally start scripting for Jerrythefrogproductions.com, because you roooock!

December: Wake up, Fortuné. I've been dying to make out with you since your brother grabbed me most inappropriately back there...err, no one heard that.

But we all know (*shifty eyes*) that Fortuné and December are the last people on earth that would EVER get together... except Fortuné wouldn't mind. XD

[Aveilthé]

Another Mercenary Among Merchants: The Play
Part I

by Yer Mom

[/i][/center]

_____

Narrator: Oh snap, folks! We're back to this... well. What the HELL do you think this is?! Sex and the City? Oh bump this, I quit.

Taro: I are big, heavily muscled, tall, nasty, mean, more kickass than December, uncouthe, n' I not speak correctly. Disregarding rumours, I am not gay. In short, I AM THE INCREDIBLE HULK.

Dog: What?

Taro: Eww, it's got cooties! Away with yeh, vermin!

Dog: LOVE ME. I am scraggly, and all your food are belong to me.

Taro: *KICKS*

December: Awe, it's ugly and miserable. Lets kill it!

Dog: Beneath this penurious, old and crusty exterior, I am a real sweetheart.

Taro: Awe, you're so utterly cute the way you foam at the mouth! I think I'll keep you!

December: Oh, sure, only some big thug like you would keep a disease-infested mutt around.

Imi: Finally, someone smellier than me! No longer am I labelled the smelly pack animal!

Taro: I am SO FREAKIMG IMAGINATIVE that I will name this dog, Dog.

Dog: I show my appreciation by LICKING YOUR CHIN. But I... can't reach... too... tall... Curse your tallness!

December: Oh my, you're someone I know!

Taro: All the ladies say that to me. *Wink, wink*

December: *Smacks forehead* Why I always meet up with the stupid people is beyond me.

Taro: Okay, I'll play along. *TACKLE HUG RAPE*

December: AHH! *Whacks Taro on the head with Seraphim*

Taro: Haha, metal can stick to my bald head! LIKE MAGNET.

Imi: *Looks at Taro's shiny bald head* I can see into the future...

December: So, what brings you to Escavus, Taro?

Taro: Looking for prostitu--I mean, a job.

December: What kind of job?

Taro: Your mom!

December: Ugh, lets just get something to eat.

___

And that's all for now, folks! Foxie, right the next installment! XD

[Felypsa]

December: Oh my, you're someone I know!

Taro: All the ladies say that to me. *Wink, wink*

December: *Smacks forehead* Why I always meet up with the stupid people is beyond me.


xD -love!-

"All your food are belong to me..." Yay! Teehee.

<3

Okayokayokay...now I have to do this right ^^ Fweeeee so much fuuuun

[Aveilthé]

Haha, thanks, though it was quick and I couldn't even think. I was more ready to read what you would have put down for our play >o>

Yay, write play! Write play! *Glee*

[Felypsa]

Another Mercenary Among Merchants

Part II

By Yer Mom's Mom

Taro: I loves blonde jokes. Hey, listen ter this one, Dec. Two blondes walk inter a bar--

December: "Ouch." Yeah, you definitely told that one a million times before..

Taro: Aww, yer no fun anymore. Oh wait wait--I betcha haven't heard dis one before. What do cow pies and blondes have in common? -snickers to himself-

December: ...They'll both be rammed down your throat if you finish that joke?

Taro: Nah! Da older dey get, de easier dey are to pick up! -bursts out laughing-

December: I like my answer. -pummels Taro-

Taro: 'Ey 'ey! Who's buyin' ya breakfast, ya crazy biznatch?

December: True. -whollops Taro- Get me food.

Taro: Dominatrix...

December: Thank you; I try.

Dog: -bites random passerby in the butt-

Taro: Good Dog, terrorizing innocent bystanders...ya learn fast.

Dog: Whuff! Get me food!

Taro: I'm surrounded by 'em.

_____

Rosaline: Youuuu were once my ooooone companion...you were all that mattered...

Dead Grandpa: Actually, Rosa, you always blackmailed me into buying you pretty dresses...

Rosaline: That's why you were all that mattered! -bursts out crying- I miss my pretty dresses!

Dead Grandpa: -sigh- I don't miss that life. Where's that vamp? I want to thank him.

Rosaline: I am such a pious little darling that I go to church even when church isn't even in session!

Father Hyde: I hate people.

Rosaline: Heeey, Father Hyde, is there a Father Jekyll too? -giggle-

Father Hyde: Shut up or I shall smite thee. I mean, the Lord shall.

Rosaline: But I have a prooobleeeeem! -whimperwhine-

Father Hyde: -looks up to the sky- Why me?

Rosaline: So there's guy I like, but it sucks because he's actually a vampire who wants to suck everyone's blood, and he actually sucked my grandpa's blood, so he's kind of wanted and my grandma is gonna kill him but the thing is, he's totally hot, so he doesn't deserve to die.

Father Hyde: This is why child psychiatrists need to be invented RIGHT NOW.

Rosaline: So then I thought to myself, "Why don't I ask Father Hyde to help him? Father Hyde's a nice guy, and he'll try to save Fortuné from hell, so that Fortuné can be together forever and go to heaven when we die!"

Father Hyde: That's...debatable.

Rosaline: So then I was at my house watching movies--

Father Hyde: Why are there movies but not child psychiatrists? PLOT DISCREPANCY!

Narrator: Shut up! They'll never notice!

Rosaline: --and I was watching this one called "The Exorcist," and I think that could be you, Father Hyde! It worked so well in the movie--

Father Hyde: ...are you and I thinking of the same movie? The priest died in that! I don't want to die!

Rosaline: --that I figured you could be an exorcist and help out this guy I like. Whaddya say?

Father Hyde: So basically you want me to risk everything I have to save a stupid idiot who murdered your grandfather and many other people besides?

Rosaline: Yup! -bats eyelashes-

Father Hyde: Airheadedness must be catching. I don't have a single logical thought in my mind. Okay, I'll do it!

Rosaline: Yay! Thankyousomuch, Father Hyde, you're such a nice guy! -hugs-

Father Hyde: Don't touch me.

Rosaline: Aye, aye, sir! -runs away singing- He's going to save the vamp, he's going to save the vamp!

Father Hyde: I should've listened to my mother and become a lumberjack. -sigh-

_____

Taro: 'Ey Dec, what's for eats?

December: Something disgusting that they've done to catfish.

Taro: Sounds like a feast fit f'r a king. Waiter! I'll take ten.

December: God, I really wish we had coffee here...I'd kill for a Starbucks.

Imi: I love how no one notices me. -sobs in a corner all alone-

Jolene: Follow the butterflies! Follow the--oh, look, a notice for Fortuné. Haha, sucks for him.

December: -twitchspaz- I keep thinking I'm seeing random people outside!

Taro: Yer losin' it, December. Then 'gin, ya never had much in the firs' place! -howls with laughter-

December: Why do I keep you alive?

Taro: 'Cause yer secretly attracted to my devilish charm. -flashes grin with missing teeth-

Jolene: I PWN you all! I have three fish! Count 'em, three! Three! -evil laughter-

December: This just isn't as much fun without all the sexual tension.

Taro: Huh? Someone say "sex"?

December: -sigh-

Narrator: Don't worry, the sexual tension will be back before you can say "Supercalifragilisticexpialidoceous!"

Taro: Superca....Supe...er...

Narrator: Exxxactly.

[Aveilthé]

Taro: 'Ey Dec, what's for eats?

December: Something disgusting that they've done to catfish.

Taro: Sounds like a feast fit f'r a king. Waiter! I'll take ten.

LMFAO all those are great. I love this XD Yer too awesome, Foxie. Lets roleplay more, yes!

[Relairah]

SQUEE! OMG! *LOVES YOU GUYS!* Y'all ROCK at doing plays! Y'all should do 'em more often xD Anyway... as always, that's freaking hilarious! LMAO!

Just one of the many funny parts:

Father Hyde: I hate people.

Rosaline: Heeey, Father Hyde, is there a Father Jekyll too? -giggle-

Father Hyde: Shut up or I shall smite thee. I mean, the Lord shall.

Rosaline: But I have a prooobleeeeem! -whimperwhine-

Father Hyde: -looks up to the sky- Why me?

[Aveilthé]

Another Mercenary Among Merchants

Part III

By Yer Mom's Mom's HAMSTER

Imi: Let us see how Fortuné and friends are doing at the cliché underground of the opera house!

Fortuné: I'm sleeping... again!

Rosaline: Oh Fortuné, oh Fortuné, where art thou Fortuné?

Fortuné: Does mine ears deceive me, or is that the lovecall a dimwit blonde--I mean, the love of my life I suddenly remember?

Rosaline: Oh my love, you remember meee!

Fortuné: And suddenly I feel as if I've gained two ounces of intelligence! Hear me prattle in a sexy vampiric French-accented, dramatic monologue as I send cryptic messages of dissing you!

Rosaline: Your self-pity makes me want to ravage you like no tomorrow.

Fortuné: That's hott and all, but I don't think this relationship will work out.

Rosaline: No! Noooo don't saaaay that-- *plugs ears* LALALLAAA MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB!

Zayn: *Kssnort* Did I just hear a dimwit blonde--I mean, my future love-interest sing off-key and in need of training? Zayn to the rescue! *Swooshes cape*

Imi: Now THIS ought to be interesting.

_____

Jolene: Dude, I LIVE. And watch as I cleverly steal fish!

December: Holy crap, I thought I saw someone O-So-familiar just waltz on by from this here window!

Jolene: Run, run, as fast as you can, can't catch me, I'm the Ginger-bread ma--err, lady!

Imi: *Voice in the distance* But nobody cares if I run off... I see how it is!

Dog: I'm cute, PET ME.

Taro: I'm so uncouthe dat I can clear any tightly packed areas faster dan you can say "SEAMEN!" Haha, "seamen", get it? Haha, get it, December? Huh, December? Get it?

December: You know what... just... argh, I give up. Lets just go before anything worse--

Taro: Uh oh, I made a wee-wee!

December: Uggh! You're worse than Fortuné!

Taro: Oops, false alarm. Dog drool!

Dog: Dog drool. Rii-iight.

December: Just pay the waiter, silly!

_____

Rosaline: Pitiful creature of darkness, what kind of life have you knooown... God give me courage to show youuuu, you are noooot aaaaloooooone!

Fortuné: Oh God, why do I have to listen to this nonsense?

Zayn: You don't have to! You have one problem, I have two! See? *Takes mask off*

Rosaline: HOLY MOTHER OF FJEDKFLJDKFJDKFJKD!!!!11one

Fortuné: IT BURNS! *Covers eyes*

Zayn: No one loves me! *Runs off and cries*

Rosaline: *PANICKATTACK BRANDISHES CRUSAFIX OF DoOoM*

Crusifix of DoOoM: I eat vampires for breakfast!

Fortuné: IT BURNS PART TWO! *runs around in circles screaming like a girly dimwit*

Rosaline: *Screams and runs off like a scared little newborn pony*

[Felypsa]

Rosaline: Your self-pity makes me want to ravage you like no tomorrow.

Fortuné: That's hott and all, but I don't think this relationship will work out.

Rosaline: No! Noooo don't saaaay that-- *plugs ears* LALALLAAA MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB!

Hahahhaha....for some reason, that just really amused me...


Oh man....this roleplay is so crazy...xP

[Aveilthé]

Glad to have entertained you with this stuff! ^^ But you still do far better at this than me. I sort of hurried through mine, but at least it is still fun to do. Roleplaying this is a lot of fun, I truly enjoy it! I dunno why, maybe because it's humour with an epic story all rolled up into one big exciting plot. Haven't had this good of a plot in a loooong time, but it's one of my favorites. Which is why... parodies exist! Hahaha. Still gotta draw the MAM crew. And the title 'MAM' is really starting to grow on me. XD

[Relairah]

*SQUEALS AND Once... AGAIN roles over LAUGHING HER HEAD OFF* Heh.. anyway.. SQUEE! Once again Kaoru amazes all with her skills! Now it is Fely's turn to amaze all with her skills xP SQUEE! THE PLOT MUST GO ON! ITS SO AWESOME RIGHT NOW! *CAN"T WAIT FOR MORE PLOT AND MORE PARODIES XD*

[Felypsa]

Another Mercenary Among Merchants

Part IV

by Yer Mom's Mom's Hamster's Toes[/i]

December: Taro, I hate being poor. GIMME A JOB, NOW!

Taro: Uh...I don't know of no jobs...-BLATANTLY LYING-

Rosaline: -runs screaming through the streets of Escavas-

Taro: Oooh, here comes one now!

December: You're sick. Hey, watch this! -sticks out foot to trip Rosaline-

Rosaline: -trips, falls on face, doesn't notice, still crying-

December: GOD you're dense.

Taro: -smooths back hair, then realizes has none- Aw, dammit.

December: Hmm, this has "foppish vamp" written ALL over it...

Rosaline: I WANT MY MOMMY!!! Wait, she's dead. I WANT MY GRANDMOMMY!!!

Taro: I don't know much 'bout yer mom or grandmom, but yer daddy is right here. -leers at Rosaline-

December: Uhh...Taro, why don't you chill with this slut, I mean, this nice girl, while I go tell the, er, "authorities"...-disappears-

Taro: Well isn't this cozy.

Rosaline: I just got rejected by a sexy vampire, and now a giant bald merc is hitting on me. I HATE MY LIFE.

Taro: Relax, I'm just tryin' ter pick ya up...

Rosaline: That's what I'm WORRIED about, you freak.

Taro: -literally picks Rosaline up-

Rosaline: Oh. Well now I feel stupid.

Taro: Ya must be used to THAT feeling...

Rosaline: What?

Taro: Forgit it. -grumbles- I hate my life.

_____

December: -shouting- Knock knock.

Fortuné: -shouting back- Who's there?

December: Who do you THINK, dumbass?

Fortuné: Who do you think dumbass who?

December: ARGH. -kicks down door and runs up the stairs, only to be confronted by Fortuné-

Fortuné: That wasn't a very funny knock-knock joke.

Imi: ...I'll leave you two alone to deal with your sexual tension head-on. -giggles- No pun intended.

December: -grumbles- I have no friends.

Fortuné: You have me! -leans in and plants a big one on December-

December: Wtf.

Fortuné: This is the part where you kiss me back passionately. -puckers up lips-

December: Wtf?

Fortuné: -still puckered-up lips- I'm waaaiting!

December: W. T. F?!

Fortuné: You didn't like it? But all the chicks dig it when I do that!

December: BUT YOU HAVE VAMPIRE COOTIES!!!

Fortuné: That hurts, December. That hurts me real deep.

December: -storms out angrily-

Fortuné: I hate my life.

_____

Rosaline: It seems like I'm going to pass out more times in the next hour than I have in my entire life.

Taro: Sweet, da chick's grandmommy is the same lady who's gonna gimme money. I love plot conveniences.

Grandmother: Oh great, her again. Why does she always come by here?

Rosaline: Uhh...'cause I, like, live here?

Grandmother: That's unfortunate. -to Taro- Just dump her on the couch.

Rosaline: I resent being dumped!

Taro: Luckily for us, yer asleep. -dumps her on the couch-

Rosaline: Darn unconsciousness.

Jolene: I love dropping eaves. It makes me feel all special for knowing everything while everyone else is clueless.

Taro: Gimme money.

Grandmother: How much?

Taro: Whatever ye've got.

Grandmother: Sounds fair.

Taro: It's a deal. -they shake hands-

Rosaline: -wakes up- I just got a brilliant idea! The vampire is Snow White! I've got to find a pig's heart to replace his with!

Taro: I've got no idea whatcher talkin' 'bout, foo. -writes down- Snow White...funny name for a vampire...

Rosaline: Follow me, I'm stupid enough to lead you to where I'm going and basically reveal everything to you!

Taro: I love stupid people. Dey make my job so much easier.

_____

Zayn: Heeeelp me make the muuusic of the niiiight...

Fortuné: It disturbs me that you sing the same song to me as you did to your lover of God-knows-how-many-years ago.

Zayn: Geez, chill. I just wanna ROCK ON on my ORGAN! -starts pounding away the PotO theme-

Fortuné: -starts playing the violin like an electric guitar-

Zayn: Um, don't you need a bow for that?

Fortuné: Pfft. Bows are for sissies.

Zayn: That was my point.

Fortuné: -breaks all the strings on his violin- Dammit. Not again.

Zayn: Let's go to my secret disco club!

Imi: Oh, dudes, count me IN!

Disco balls: -drop from ceiling and spin pretty lights everywhere-

Smoke Machine: -spews smoke everywhere-

-Zayn, Fortuné, and Imi all emerge from smoke wearing black superstar sunglasses-

Fortuné: -is holding a new violin, which he starts to jam away on, this time with a bow-

Zayn: -is throwin' down phat beats on his organ-

Imi: -is beatboxing and making "waa-waa" sounds-

Audience: -randomly appears-

Obsessed fangirls in audience: -scream obsessively-

Fortuné: -steps up to the mike- This one's for you, December. -starts scream-singing- Dontcha wish yer girlfriend was hott like me! Donctha wish yer girlfriend was a freak like me! Dontcha...dontcha! -points to Zayn- Take it away, bro!

Zayn: -does a sick piano solo while doing some serious head-banging-

Fortuné: Walk this waaaay!! Walk this waaay!! -points to Imi- Imi, Queen of ROCK!!!

Imi: -beatboxes up the wazoo-

Fortuné: WOOO!! -smashes violin against organ; sparks fly-

Audience: -screaming wildly-

Zayn: Now THAT'S how the music of the night is done.

December: I'm SO glad I missed all that.

[Aveilthé]

*COUGH*

OOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGG


*BREATHES*

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

THAT SHIT WAS THE FUNNIEST

OMG

THAT MADE MY DAY!

*Laughs so hard her sides explodes*

LMFAO got carried away much?! Omg...

Omg...

Now I don't even know what the hell I was doing before I've read this...

Damn that was funny... Imi beatboxing... LMMMMMFAAAAOOOO.... that was totally my favorite part XD