Post by Felypsa on Dec 21, 2010 17:40:23 GMT -6
Playwright's Note: Happy Holidays! Every year I try to write an end-of-year/Christmas-themed play. A couple of brief notes:
1. The usual disclaimer that the people represented in this play are used as character parodies and are not necessarily related to their real-life personalities. Forgive me if you're offended by your portrayal, everything was just all in good fun.
2. The time makes no sense in this play. I'm aware that even if there was something that went down in 2002, Demin would not have been there. Just hold your breath and suspend alllll disbelief, and it will go down easier.
3. Beware of extreme silliness.
4. Enjoy!!
Felypsa Productions presents:
The Legend of the Lost SOmas[/size]
sponsored by[/color]
.GIAKU.
Fight on our side or die, bitch.
and
Shinkou & Akeru
C'mon, seriously. You know we're gonna win.
Narrator: Wait, is this production sponsored by opposing campaigns?
Playwright: >> I just took whatever payment people threw at me!
Narrator: They paid you?
Playwright: Each gave me a fresh-killed deer for Christmas dinner!
Narrator: Riiiight...moving on...-clears throat- Tonight I bring you a tale of bravery and woe...of love and sorrow...
Playwright: Get ON with it!
Narrator: -grumbling- Once, long ago...Christmas was celebrated in SO with joy and carefree spirit...
FLASHBACK
Ave: Merry Christmas everyone! -presses the detonator-
Wom: FUUUUUUU--
Everything: -explodes!-
Fely: Aw, a white Christmas.
Wom: That's ASH from our destroyed clubhouse! ;___;
Z: I hope you got insurance!
Everyone but Wom: God bless us, every one.
Wom: Eff you all!
ENDFLASHBACK
Narrator: Ah, the good ole days...but somehow, between then and now, something happened...the joyful times of Christmases past faded into nothingness...and, like the Ice Queen of Narnia, Time froze the beloved staffers and their jubilant ways...lost, as far as anyone knew it, forevermore. Until a small group of inquisitive explorers came upon the ancient place...
Satu: What's this blank empty space? It looks like there should have been a small house here before...
Ulrica: Maybe a tree house?
Moon_Song: Duhhh, a tree house would've been in a TREE.
Ulrica: Oh yeah.
Satu: No, look. See, there's all this debris, all surrounding this one space here...
Xenoxice: Whoop-de-doo. What are we doing here, anyway?
Moon_Song: Narrator put us here.
Dark Strider: He's done what?! -whips out sword- No one tells me what to do!!
Satu: Just shut up and keep going with the story! I'm sure there's a point to all of this eventually.
Narrator: Don't get your hopes up. I've worked with this playwright before.
Playwright: Watch your tongue...I have a special toilet with your name on it...
Narrator: The assortment of inquisitive explorers got on with the half-hearted--er, the very brilliantly thought-out plot, when one of them stumbled across something.
Xeno: Ow!
Satu: What did you stumble over?
Xeno: Papers!
Ulrica: You stumbled over papers?
Moon_Song: Wow what a klutz.
Xeno: Plot devices are heavier than they look, guys!
Dark Strider: Hark! They appear to be pages from a diary!!!
Satu: Must you shout everything?
Dark Strider: Who's shouting?! I'LL CUT HIS THROAT OUT!
Satu: Yeah, please do!
Ulrica: Look, Strider's right! Someone wrote: "It is coming. I cannot stop it. No matter what I do...I cannot stop it."
Xeno: Eeeeemo.
Ulrica: Srsly.
Moon_Song: Oh no! Someone's in trouble -- we have to help them!
Satu: Maybe if we'd been here thousands of years ago...look at the date on this thing...
Dark Strider: December 21st, 2002!!!
Ulrica: Does that mean we're in something like year 5000?
Xeno: Apparently 8 = thousands in someone's head?
Satu: Thousands of years ago in roleplay time?
Narrator: All of them pondered this plot anomaly until a fire lit under their butts and motivated them to GET ON WITH IT.
Satu: Anyway, it was a longass time ago. Before we were here.
Moon_Song: What could it be referring to?
Ulrica: Hush! I've heard legends of a group of people who called themselves staffers...princes and princesses of SO...with a single queen. But they are lost: we have not heard from them in many millennia.
Xeno: AKA 8 years, for those of you trying to keep track of reality.
Dark Strider: I've heard these legends too! I thought they were made up because they're legends!
Satu: Brilliant deduction. But it could be that they are true...or this piece of paper has nothing to do with it whatsoever.
Moon_Song: -gasps- Look! It's signed: "WOM."
Xeno: -surprised- Wom?
Ulrica: -scared- Wom?
Dark Strider: -resolved- Wom...
The Writers of The Gamers: Copyright infringement!
Playwright: I'm only an admirer! STFU!
Satu: Seriously, who's Wom?
Ulrica: Perhaps...well, the legend speaks of one Wolf_of_Magic...13...
Xeno: A username?
Moon_Song: Could it be?
All at once: Our lost queen!!!
Satu: Thanks for the extra exclamation points, Strider.
Dark Strider: They were necessary for this shock-and-awe moment!
Ulrica: We've got to save her!
Satu: What? She's probably already dead! This was from thousands of years ago!
Xeno: Eight. EIGHT YEARS AGO. At worst, she's matured over the years to a respectable adult.
The Lost Queen Wom: -off-stage- HA! That's a good one.
Ulrica: Did someone hear something?
Satu: Yeah, a lot of hot air.
Moon_Song: Well, why don't we take the pages we have here and try to find her? It can be a noble quest.
Dark Strider: A Winter Solstice Quest!
Satu: But we don't have any clues--
Xeno: I'm in.
Dark Strider: I'm in!
Ulrica: I was in before this play began.
Moon_Song: I'm out. I mean, I'm in.
Satu: -sigh- Fine, I guess we have no other purpose in this play.
Narrator: After studying the documents, they learned that the last place the Wolf_of_magic13 was seen was in the devastatingly dangerous icy mountains in the north...so they went there. After days of traveling and hiking up the snowy paths, one of them stumbled across something.
Xeno: Ow!
Moon_Song: Seriously, what a klutz. What is this time, a snowflake?
Xeno: No, it's a giant ice cube! Look!
Narrator: Indeed, covered in snow below them seemed to be a shiny cube of ice. They all scrambled to uncover it and discovered--
Dark Strider: Wow, she's ugly.
Satu: I think that's just the expression on her face.
Xeno: Also the hideous bird-costume.
Moon_Song: Who is she?
Ulrica: Let's see...she's wearing all purple...covered in feathers...I think...I think this must be the legendary princess, Felypsa!
Dark Strider: Her a princess? Really?
Moon_Song: We can ask her when we get her out! Everyone have their blow-dryers?
Narrator: For some mysterious reason, the entire crew had decided to bring along blow-dryers. For another more mysterious reason, they worked in spite of being nowhere near any kind of outlet. Eventally the ice cube was melted enough for them to get the so-called princess out of her cage.
Fely: Oh my God! I'm free! -tries to fly and fails miserably, crash-landing into the snow-
Xeno: She's graceful too.
Fely: Who are you people? My saviors?
Satu: We're a group of inquisitive explorers. Apparently.
Ulrica: We've come to rescue you and the lost queen Wom from whatever horrible fate befell you!
Fely: You did, huh? Well...that's wonderful. One hundred points to Gryffindor!
Moon_Song: -gasp- We have a chance at winning the House Cup now!
Fely: Come on, let's find the others. I'm sure they can't be far. It couldn't have been THAT wild of a party.
Satu: Party?...
Fely: Let's go, intrepid examiners!
Satu: It's inquisitive...ah forget it, both sound pretty stupid.
Narrator: Led by Fely, the group continued up the mountain, till Xeno used his magical powers of clumsiness to find the next ice block.
Xeno: Ow! Surely there's a better way of discovering plot devices.
Fely: Oh look, it's Demin! And his shotgun!
Ulrica: Wow, just like the legend says!
Fely: Legend? Dude, how long have we been frozen?
Xeno: Eight--
Satu: THOUSAND years.
Fely: Eight thousand years?!...Baller.
Dark Strider: Blow-dryer attack!
Narrator: Once again, using the power of hot air, the next prince was freed.
Demin: Get off my lawn, damn kids! -fires shotgun and kills a snowman-
Ulrica: Frosty! ;_;
Moon_Song: You'd been making a snowman this whole time?
Ulrica: He was going to be my best friend.
Demin: I want appleshaush.
Fely: Good to have you back, Demin. Kind of. -looks at the others- Actually, who's up for freezing him again?
Ulrica: Me!
Demin: Aww shuttup. I'm stuck with you and you know it.
Fely: Fine. Just help us find the next person.
Narrator: Further up the mountain...this time, Demin fired a shot that glanced off an ice cube, sparing Xenoxice, for once.
Xeno: Thank goodness.
Fely: It's Kiku! And...Z? Together?
Demin: Hawt.
Ulrica: That wasn't in the legend.
Fely: Well it should have been.
Moon_Song: I'm surprised all that hotness isn't melting that cube on its own!
Satu: Well let's give 'em a little help. -cocks blow-dryer with a grin-
Narrator: Presently, the frozen lesbians were no longer frozen. Wow, what were you on when you wrote this script?
Playwright: EGGNOG. STFU.
Kiku: BLAAAAAAAAAH...-oozes over everyone-
Z: I'M STILL PREGNANT WTF
Gwen: Yeah seriously, WTF
Dark Strider: That means there are only two left!
Ulrica: And one of them is the Lost Queen Wom!
Demin: What's the big deal about Wom anyway?
Kiku: Yeah, she'll just ruin our party.
Satu: What party?
Fely: Dude you remember when we were trimming the Christmas tree with candles and she was all "THAT'S A FIRE HAZARD AND STOP CALLING IT A CHRISTMAS TREE IT'S A WINTER SOLSTICE TREE!"?
Z: Omg yeah! And she almost refused to host the party in the first place?
Satu: What. Party?
Demin: She wanted to take away my shotgun. ;_;
Kiku: And then she was all like, "Everyone clean up after yourselves nag nag nag."
Fely: The whole thing could have been the worst party ever!
Satu: WHAT PARTY?!
Dark Strider: -grumbling- Look who's shouting now.
Kiku: Dude guys! The PARTY!
Z: The most badass party ever!
Fely: According to these guys, it took place eight thousand years ago!
Demin: I find that highly unlikely.
Kiku: Ha, it feels like eight thousand years ago! I still have a hangover...
Z: My belly still hangs over...
Fely: Guys, no, it was like, a Christmas party, that Wom was hosting at our clubhouse. It was pretty lame at first but then things got WILD.
Kiku: Omg! Where's Ave? We have to find her next, she was THE party animal!
Ulrica: No, let's find the Lost Queen Wom!
Xeno: That's what we came all this way for!
Fely: Okay, um, let's split up! Staffers, let's try to find Ave while these newfaces try to bring out Wom.
Kiku: Ooh, it can be a race!
Z: Yes, a race!
Dark Strider: You're on!
All: LET'S DO IT.
Narrator: So the group split up. The prince and princesses went in search of their fellow fallen sister, Aveilthe, while the investigative extremists--weren't they inquisitive explorers? oh never mind--sought out their lost queen at last. As chance would have it, though, both cubes would be at the top of the mountain, in a single cave.
Moon_Song: Hurry, we have to free the lost queen first!
Xeno: Blow-dryers, GO!
Kiku: Crap, you guys, we don't have blow-dryers.
Z: We can melt the ice with our hot bods!
Fely: While Demin shoots away bits of the ice!
...
-cricket-
Fely: Dammit! I didn't mean to suggest that Demin didn't have a hot bod too!
Demin: Sure Fely. Sure. I'm just gonna go cry in a corner now.
Fely: I just thought you'd rather shoot a gun than rub your body over ice!
Kiku: Forget him! The others are already almost done! Hurry, let's resurrect the life of the party before the party-killer squashes it!
Satu: Oh God, the others are getting naked! Avert your eyes lest you be scarred for life!
Ulrica: We've almost got her free!
Kiku: HURRY, Z!
Z: Shut up, I'm rubbing for two here!
Narrator: The frantic heating continued...well, with the exception of Demin, who glared at everyone from his corner...but eventually, the queen was the one freed.
The Lost Queen Wom: I LIIIIIIIIVE! -floats above all with glowing white light-
All: -kneel-
Ulrica: Hail Queen Wom!
Xeno: We've found her at last! Everything can be as it once was!
The Lost Queen Wom: Yes...and everything...is...wtf, where are we?
Kiku: We got blown sky-high after last party.
Z: And we've been here for eight thousand years since!
Fely: In spite of all your best efforts to quell our fun!
The Lost Queen Wom: -sees the Ave-icicle- But I thought--noooooo...
Ave: -is defrosted enough to push the detonator button-
Mountain Top: -KABOOMEXPLODEMADNESS!-
Narrator: Everyone was, again, blown sky-high...landing back at the ancient ruins of the first SO clubhouse, where this whole adventure began...
Wom: My clubhouse! My mountain! My...my diary!!
Xeno: Wow!
Satu: That was...
Dark Strider: The BEST THING EVER!!
Ulrica: Wom, the legends are true! You really do throw the best Christmas parties!
Wom: But it's not even Christmas! It's the winter solstice...
Moon_Song: Look everybody! It's snowing!
Wom: What the--that's an avalanche, headed our way from the mountain!
Fely: Isn't Christmas magical?
Z: Everyone, look! I finally had Gwen! It's a Christmas miracle!
Gwen: Goo goo best party ever ga ga.
Everyone: Awwwwwwww lookit the baby....
Wom: I think we all need to get out of here before the avalanche hits us.
Kiku: Everyone, a toast! To hotness!
Xeno: To opportune clumsiness!
Fely: To birds!
Dark Strider: To words!!
Gwen: To turds! -makes one-
Z: To rest...x.x
Ulrica: To the quest!
Demin: To the best. -burps-
Satu: To parties!
Ave: To farties! e.e
Moon_Song: And...to queens! Wom?
Wom: No. Avalanche.
Ave: C'mon, Wom, you're not still mad at me for making your parties that much more awesome, are you?
Wom: I'm mad that we're all going to die in an avalanche.
Ave: Could be worse ways to go, y'know? At least we made new friends to party with!
Wom: How is that going to help us when WE'RE ALL DEAD?!
Moon_Song: Who said there weren't parties in the afterlife?
Everyone: Yee-haw!
Wom: Oh...at this rate, I don't even know why I bother anymore...all right, fine...TO THE AFTERLIFE!
Narrator: And so, they all went out with a bang and an avalanche. But, to their credit, the afterlife DID have kickass Christmas parties. And it even had their own clubhouse.
Wom: It's just like the old one!
Ave: Ready to blow it up?
Wom: NOOOOOOOOOOoooo--ahh screw it. Why not.
Narrator: Indeed. This Christmas, remember that very important lesson: "Ahh screw it. Why not." Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good party!
Merry Christmas, everybody!!!
(And happy winter solstice, too.)
If you're curious about what sort of parties we used to have, you can read an old play here shinkouookami.com/index.cgi?board=play&action=display&thread=8253
[/shameless plug]
1. The usual disclaimer that the people represented in this play are used as character parodies and are not necessarily related to their real-life personalities. Forgive me if you're offended by your portrayal, everything was just all in good fun.
2. The time makes no sense in this play. I'm aware that even if there was something that went down in 2002, Demin would not have been there. Just hold your breath and suspend alllll disbelief, and it will go down easier.
3. Beware of extreme silliness.
4. Enjoy!!
Felypsa Productions presents:
The Legend of the Lost SOmas[/size]
sponsored by[/color]
.GIAKU.
Fight on our side or die, bitch.
and
Shinkou & Akeru
C'mon, seriously. You know we're gonna win.
Narrator: Wait, is this production sponsored by opposing campaigns?
Playwright: >> I just took whatever payment people threw at me!
Narrator: They paid you?
Playwright: Each gave me a fresh-killed deer for Christmas dinner!
Narrator: Riiiight...moving on...-clears throat- Tonight I bring you a tale of bravery and woe...of love and sorrow...
Playwright: Get ON with it!
Narrator: -grumbling- Once, long ago...Christmas was celebrated in SO with joy and carefree spirit...
FLASHBACK
Ave: Merry Christmas everyone! -presses the detonator-
Wom: FUUUUUUU--
Everything: -explodes!-
Fely: Aw, a white Christmas.
Wom: That's ASH from our destroyed clubhouse! ;___;
Z: I hope you got insurance!
Everyone but Wom: God bless us, every one.
Wom: Eff you all!
ENDFLASHBACK
Narrator: Ah, the good ole days...but somehow, between then and now, something happened...the joyful times of Christmases past faded into nothingness...and, like the Ice Queen of Narnia, Time froze the beloved staffers and their jubilant ways...lost, as far as anyone knew it, forevermore. Until a small group of inquisitive explorers came upon the ancient place...
Satu: What's this blank empty space? It looks like there should have been a small house here before...
Ulrica: Maybe a tree house?
Moon_Song: Duhhh, a tree house would've been in a TREE.
Ulrica: Oh yeah.
Satu: No, look. See, there's all this debris, all surrounding this one space here...
Xenoxice: Whoop-de-doo. What are we doing here, anyway?
Moon_Song: Narrator put us here.
Dark Strider: He's done what?! -whips out sword- No one tells me what to do!!
Satu: Just shut up and keep going with the story! I'm sure there's a point to all of this eventually.
Narrator: Don't get your hopes up. I've worked with this playwright before.
Playwright: Watch your tongue...I have a special toilet with your name on it...
Narrator: The assortment of inquisitive explorers got on with the half-hearted--er, the very brilliantly thought-out plot, when one of them stumbled across something.
Xeno: Ow!
Satu: What did you stumble over?
Xeno: Papers!
Ulrica: You stumbled over papers?
Moon_Song: Wow what a klutz.
Xeno: Plot devices are heavier than they look, guys!
Dark Strider: Hark! They appear to be pages from a diary!!!
Satu: Must you shout everything?
Dark Strider: Who's shouting?! I'LL CUT HIS THROAT OUT!
Satu: Yeah, please do!
Ulrica: Look, Strider's right! Someone wrote: "It is coming. I cannot stop it. No matter what I do...I cannot stop it."
Xeno: Eeeeemo.
Ulrica: Srsly.
Moon_Song: Oh no! Someone's in trouble -- we have to help them!
Satu: Maybe if we'd been here thousands of years ago...look at the date on this thing...
Dark Strider: December 21st, 2002!!!
Ulrica: Does that mean we're in something like year 5000?
Xeno: Apparently 8 = thousands in someone's head?
Satu: Thousands of years ago in roleplay time?
Narrator: All of them pondered this plot anomaly until a fire lit under their butts and motivated them to GET ON WITH IT.
Satu: Anyway, it was a longass time ago. Before we were here.
Moon_Song: What could it be referring to?
Ulrica: Hush! I've heard legends of a group of people who called themselves staffers...princes and princesses of SO...with a single queen. But they are lost: we have not heard from them in many millennia.
Xeno: AKA 8 years, for those of you trying to keep track of reality.
Dark Strider: I've heard these legends too! I thought they were made up because they're legends!
Satu: Brilliant deduction. But it could be that they are true...or this piece of paper has nothing to do with it whatsoever.
Moon_Song: -gasps- Look! It's signed: "WOM."
Xeno: -surprised- Wom?
Ulrica: -scared- Wom?
Dark Strider: -resolved- Wom...
The Writers of The Gamers: Copyright infringement!
Playwright: I'm only an admirer! STFU!
Satu: Seriously, who's Wom?
Ulrica: Perhaps...well, the legend speaks of one Wolf_of_Magic...13...
Xeno: A username?
Moon_Song: Could it be?
All at once: Our lost queen!!!
Satu: Thanks for the extra exclamation points, Strider.
Dark Strider: They were necessary for this shock-and-awe moment!
Ulrica: We've got to save her!
Satu: What? She's probably already dead! This was from thousands of years ago!
Xeno: Eight. EIGHT YEARS AGO. At worst, she's matured over the years to a respectable adult.
The Lost Queen Wom: -off-stage- HA! That's a good one.
Ulrica: Did someone hear something?
Satu: Yeah, a lot of hot air.
Moon_Song: Well, why don't we take the pages we have here and try to find her? It can be a noble quest.
Dark Strider: A Winter Solstice Quest!
Satu: But we don't have any clues--
Xeno: I'm in.
Dark Strider: I'm in!
Ulrica: I was in before this play began.
Moon_Song: I'm out. I mean, I'm in.
Satu: -sigh- Fine, I guess we have no other purpose in this play.
Narrator: After studying the documents, they learned that the last place the Wolf_of_magic13 was seen was in the devastatingly dangerous icy mountains in the north...so they went there. After days of traveling and hiking up the snowy paths, one of them stumbled across something.
Xeno: Ow!
Moon_Song: Seriously, what a klutz. What is this time, a snowflake?
Xeno: No, it's a giant ice cube! Look!
Narrator: Indeed, covered in snow below them seemed to be a shiny cube of ice. They all scrambled to uncover it and discovered--
Dark Strider: Wow, she's ugly.
Satu: I think that's just the expression on her face.
Xeno: Also the hideous bird-costume.
Moon_Song: Who is she?
Ulrica: Let's see...she's wearing all purple...covered in feathers...I think...I think this must be the legendary princess, Felypsa!
Dark Strider: Her a princess? Really?
Moon_Song: We can ask her when we get her out! Everyone have their blow-dryers?
Narrator: For some mysterious reason, the entire crew had decided to bring along blow-dryers. For another more mysterious reason, they worked in spite of being nowhere near any kind of outlet. Eventally the ice cube was melted enough for them to get the so-called princess out of her cage.
Fely: Oh my God! I'm free! -tries to fly and fails miserably, crash-landing into the snow-
Xeno: She's graceful too.
Fely: Who are you people? My saviors?
Satu: We're a group of inquisitive explorers. Apparently.
Ulrica: We've come to rescue you and the lost queen Wom from whatever horrible fate befell you!
Fely: You did, huh? Well...that's wonderful. One hundred points to Gryffindor!
Moon_Song: -gasp- We have a chance at winning the House Cup now!
Fely: Come on, let's find the others. I'm sure they can't be far. It couldn't have been THAT wild of a party.
Satu: Party?...
Fely: Let's go, intrepid examiners!
Satu: It's inquisitive...ah forget it, both sound pretty stupid.
Narrator: Led by Fely, the group continued up the mountain, till Xeno used his magical powers of clumsiness to find the next ice block.
Xeno: Ow! Surely there's a better way of discovering plot devices.
Fely: Oh look, it's Demin! And his shotgun!
Ulrica: Wow, just like the legend says!
Fely: Legend? Dude, how long have we been frozen?
Xeno: Eight--
Satu: THOUSAND years.
Fely: Eight thousand years?!...Baller.
Dark Strider: Blow-dryer attack!
Narrator: Once again, using the power of hot air, the next prince was freed.
Demin: Get off my lawn, damn kids! -fires shotgun and kills a snowman-
Ulrica: Frosty! ;_;
Moon_Song: You'd been making a snowman this whole time?
Ulrica: He was going to be my best friend.
Demin: I want appleshaush.
Fely: Good to have you back, Demin. Kind of. -looks at the others- Actually, who's up for freezing him again?
Ulrica: Me!
Demin: Aww shuttup. I'm stuck with you and you know it.
Fely: Fine. Just help us find the next person.
Narrator: Further up the mountain...this time, Demin fired a shot that glanced off an ice cube, sparing Xenoxice, for once.
Xeno: Thank goodness.
Fely: It's Kiku! And...Z? Together?
Demin: Hawt.
Ulrica: That wasn't in the legend.
Fely: Well it should have been.
Moon_Song: I'm surprised all that hotness isn't melting that cube on its own!
Satu: Well let's give 'em a little help. -cocks blow-dryer with a grin-
Narrator: Presently, the frozen lesbians were no longer frozen. Wow, what were you on when you wrote this script?
Playwright: EGGNOG. STFU.
Kiku: BLAAAAAAAAAH...-oozes over everyone-
Z: I'M STILL PREGNANT WTF
Gwen: Yeah seriously, WTF
Dark Strider: That means there are only two left!
Ulrica: And one of them is the Lost Queen Wom!
Demin: What's the big deal about Wom anyway?
Kiku: Yeah, she'll just ruin our party.
Satu: What party?
Fely: Dude you remember when we were trimming the Christmas tree with candles and she was all "THAT'S A FIRE HAZARD AND STOP CALLING IT A CHRISTMAS TREE IT'S A WINTER SOLSTICE TREE!"?
Z: Omg yeah! And she almost refused to host the party in the first place?
Satu: What. Party?
Demin: She wanted to take away my shotgun. ;_;
Kiku: And then she was all like, "Everyone clean up after yourselves nag nag nag."
Fely: The whole thing could have been the worst party ever!
Satu: WHAT PARTY?!
Dark Strider: -grumbling- Look who's shouting now.
Kiku: Dude guys! The PARTY!
Z: The most badass party ever!
Fely: According to these guys, it took place eight thousand years ago!
Demin: I find that highly unlikely.
Kiku: Ha, it feels like eight thousand years ago! I still have a hangover...
Z: My belly still hangs over...
Fely: Guys, no, it was like, a Christmas party, that Wom was hosting at our clubhouse. It was pretty lame at first but then things got WILD.
Kiku: Omg! Where's Ave? We have to find her next, she was THE party animal!
Ulrica: No, let's find the Lost Queen Wom!
Xeno: That's what we came all this way for!
Fely: Okay, um, let's split up! Staffers, let's try to find Ave while these newfaces try to bring out Wom.
Kiku: Ooh, it can be a race!
Z: Yes, a race!
Dark Strider: You're on!
All: LET'S DO IT.
Narrator: So the group split up. The prince and princesses went in search of their fellow fallen sister, Aveilthe, while the investigative extremists--weren't they inquisitive explorers? oh never mind--sought out their lost queen at last. As chance would have it, though, both cubes would be at the top of the mountain, in a single cave.
Moon_Song: Hurry, we have to free the lost queen first!
Xeno: Blow-dryers, GO!
Kiku: Crap, you guys, we don't have blow-dryers.
Z: We can melt the ice with our hot bods!
Fely: While Demin shoots away bits of the ice!
...
-cricket-
Fely: Dammit! I didn't mean to suggest that Demin didn't have a hot bod too!
Demin: Sure Fely. Sure. I'm just gonna go cry in a corner now.
Fely: I just thought you'd rather shoot a gun than rub your body over ice!
Kiku: Forget him! The others are already almost done! Hurry, let's resurrect the life of the party before the party-killer squashes it!
Satu: Oh God, the others are getting naked! Avert your eyes lest you be scarred for life!
Ulrica: We've almost got her free!
Kiku: HURRY, Z!
Z: Shut up, I'm rubbing for two here!
Narrator: The frantic heating continued...well, with the exception of Demin, who glared at everyone from his corner...but eventually, the queen was the one freed.
The Lost Queen Wom: I LIIIIIIIIVE! -floats above all with glowing white light-
All: -kneel-
Ulrica: Hail Queen Wom!
Xeno: We've found her at last! Everything can be as it once was!
The Lost Queen Wom: Yes...and everything...is...wtf, where are we?
Kiku: We got blown sky-high after last party.
Z: And we've been here for eight thousand years since!
Fely: In spite of all your best efforts to quell our fun!
The Lost Queen Wom: -sees the Ave-icicle- But I thought--noooooo...
Ave: -is defrosted enough to push the detonator button-
Mountain Top: -KABOOMEXPLODEMADNESS!-
Narrator: Everyone was, again, blown sky-high...landing back at the ancient ruins of the first SO clubhouse, where this whole adventure began...
Wom: My clubhouse! My mountain! My...my diary!!
Xeno: Wow!
Satu: That was...
Dark Strider: The BEST THING EVER!!
Ulrica: Wom, the legends are true! You really do throw the best Christmas parties!
Wom: But it's not even Christmas! It's the winter solstice...
Moon_Song: Look everybody! It's snowing!
Wom: What the--that's an avalanche, headed our way from the mountain!
Fely: Isn't Christmas magical?
Z: Everyone, look! I finally had Gwen! It's a Christmas miracle!
Gwen: Goo goo best party ever ga ga.
Everyone: Awwwwwwww lookit the baby....
Wom: I think we all need to get out of here before the avalanche hits us.
Kiku: Everyone, a toast! To hotness!
Xeno: To opportune clumsiness!
Fely: To birds!
Dark Strider: To words!!
Gwen: To turds! -makes one-
Z: To rest...x.x
Ulrica: To the quest!
Demin: To the best. -burps-
Satu: To parties!
Ave: To farties! e.e
Moon_Song: And...to queens! Wom?
Wom: No. Avalanche.
Ave: C'mon, Wom, you're not still mad at me for making your parties that much more awesome, are you?
Wom: I'm mad that we're all going to die in an avalanche.
Ave: Could be worse ways to go, y'know? At least we made new friends to party with!
Wom: How is that going to help us when WE'RE ALL DEAD?!
Moon_Song: Who said there weren't parties in the afterlife?
Everyone: Yee-haw!
Wom: Oh...at this rate, I don't even know why I bother anymore...all right, fine...TO THE AFTERLIFE!
Narrator: And so, they all went out with a bang and an avalanche. But, to their credit, the afterlife DID have kickass Christmas parties. And it even had their own clubhouse.
Wom: It's just like the old one!
Ave: Ready to blow it up?
Wom: NOOOOOOOOOOoooo--ahh screw it. Why not.
Narrator: Indeed. This Christmas, remember that very important lesson: "Ahh screw it. Why not." Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good party!
Merry Christmas, everybody!!!
(And happy winter solstice, too.)
If you're curious about what sort of parties we used to have, you can read an old play here shinkouookami.com/index.cgi?board=play&action=display&thread=8253
[/shameless plug]
