Things to Ponder

[Felypsa]

oOc| No, no...I probably have it somewhere too...if not then it's in the archives here...I was just like..."No way she remembered all that off the top of her head"

[Relairah]

OoC: Well actually I did remember most of it XD But it was vague... I remembered something with a whirlwind when Akuma first entered, then I remembered something with the journey to the mountains, and then the spirit realm with Spectre... but all that is very general so I had to read some of the posts to remember details XD Oh and I remembered Istariel's death cause it was so emotional DX

Oh and yea it's in the archives... pages 81 and 82...

Reborn the Hawk
Journey Below
Returned to Fight
Quest for Life and Death
Happy Days?

I think there's probably another one... although y'all posted it much later xD Actually the later one featured Gelu returning without his memories and he ended up going to the cave-demons since Hawk is a Defender or something...

[Moon_Song]

((OoC: I went to write this sooo many times and i never had time to finish it DX forgive the lateness))

Ea's face warmed with his smile, even though he didn't answer right away. His words made her heart do strange things. A look of what seemed to be gratitude colored his expression, and another look all together colored hers. What was wrong with her?

She listened intently as he told his tale in detail. She was fascinated by the people he had traveled with, the adventures they went on. She recognized the far away look, as if remembering a distant past. She had seen it on Darklight's face many times, and had worn it many times herself, but for different reasons.

As he explained his adventures with his group, she grew almost wide-eyed in awe. The thought of traveling to the spirit world, though it wasn't unheard of, was a strange and exciting concept. She settled further into his story, listening, completely focused. She felt sad when he talked of leaving his old group, and she worried he might do the same with her and her pack.

Along silence followed as Ea absorbed the story and Akuma relived it. When he spoke again, his tone was different. He sounded enlightened. When he finished speaking, she smiled warmly at his shy grin. "I, too, came to the realization through tragedies of my own. I am so grateful for having formed this pack with my sister, and meeting everyone." Especially him.

She chuckled a little before she continued, and the amusement carried into her words. "Of courses you didn't say too much. I asked for your story, and I was glad to hear it." She showed her appreciation by gently nuzzling under his chin, her face a little warmer for it, but she wanted to be closer to him for some strange reason. She wanted to know him, know his story. She wanted him to know her as well. She fancied the notion that, someday, she could show him her other form. What would he think of it? Would he run? Would he accept her?

[Relairah]

He dipped his head as she shared that she had come to a similar realization through her own tragedies - though he still didn't know the truth of what they were. He wanted to reach out and comfort her all of a sudden, and banish memories of tragedy, but that would be out of his place.

She chuckled and reassured him, and then she did something which was most unexpected to him, nuzzling under his chin. He was quite taken aback, to say the least, and his heart stuttered in his chest. If he had been human, a pink color might have touched his cheeks. "Yea, I guess you did, Serra," he said, a somewhat nervous smile coming to his lips. It was true that he usually used her title when addressing her, out of respect. Though this time, he kind of hoped she'd recognize it. On the other paw, who was he to tell her what she could or couldn't do? It was all her own choice afterall, right?

He couldn't help the image of what Darklight's reaction would be if she were here. But he pushed it aside.

Perhaps he was letting his thoughts get away from him. A cold wind drifted through the clearing, ruffling under his fur and chilling his skin. That was one disadvantage to his having butterfly wings... they weren't much help in shielding him from the cold. He was thankful for his thick fur, usually though. He glanced up, watching as flurries of snow spun by and another lesser breeze followed. "Looks like another storm may come soon," he commented briefly, turning his gaze back to Ea.

"Shall we make our way to the dens?"

[Moon_Song]

So he wasn't as...accepting as she hoped he would be. She heard the reminder in his tone at her title. She stepped back, careful not to show her embarrassment. She cleared her throat nervously, which gave away more than she had wanted. She had overstepped her bounds, she was sure. She worried he would think her strange now.

She felt the coming change as Akuma spoke, mentioning the coming storm. He was right. There was a storm approaching, and quickly. "Yes, I suppose you're right." She moved to walk in the general direction of the dens. She hoped the rest of the pack would seek shelter as well. She knew Darklight had already sensed the change. Growing up in a winter wonderland made one sensitive such changes. Then again, that could be said about anyone who had spent enough time in any climate.
]
Although she was still a but embarrassed by her action before, she was determined to not let the entire walk be in silence. If Akuma did not bring anything up, she would be the first to speak.

"You seem to have adapted well here." Obvious, but no one said she would be able to think of something good. "Are you usually so adaptable?" Stupid question, but she wore a sincere smile nonetheless.

[Relairah]

His ears and attention shifted toward her when she agreed with him about the storm, of course after the clearing of her throat. Soon, they were making their way toward the dens. As they walked, he could feel it. Oh, it was definitely there. That awkward feeling... he hadn't felt that since he had been a much younger wolf... it had been several years, indeed. Ugh. Ea spoke first - perhaps trying to ease the tension all of a sudden, he thought to himself.

He smiled, glancing toward her then glancing away quickly. He wondered if she thought he was strange for pushing her away. It wasn't that he didn't find her attractive. He just... had been doing what he was supposed to. Right? Now his mind was definitely getting away from him. What was he thinking? He focused himself on her question. "I don't think so. I mean, it took me quite some time to get over my past and start fresh. This land, this pack," he paused, feeling the words and you come to the tip of his tongue. He didn't need to make it any more awkward... yet she was the cause behind the pack and his chance ultimately... He looked toward her again, "really gave me the nudge I needed."

He was silent, then looked away again. "I guess I'm kind of familiar with cold weather. It doesn't bother me usually with all the extra fluff in my coat." He said that lightly, giving a light chuckle even. "What of yourself?" he asked, "Was there any adapting necessary for you?" He suddenly realized he hadn't used her title in this conversation... his mind was in all different directions.

[Moon_Song]

She wasn't sure, but she thought she felt the same awkwardness she was going through emanating from Akuma. He looked at her, then looked away again. Ea cocked her head to one side. What was that about? He seemed to be collecting himself. She wanted to ask what he was thinking about. What was going through his mind. What he thought of her...stop right there. No need to continue that line of thought. It would only get her in trouble.

She focused on him as he spoke. For a seconded it looked like he stopped himself, held back something. She brushed it off and though on what was said, rather what had been left unsaid. He, like many, had had to learn to adapt. Se felt a little warmer inside knowing that he had, in a way, found himself within her pack. She loved to help people, so having that affirmation made her feel good.

She tried to not pay much attention to his actions, for she felt she was putting too much thought into every little motion. She, too, averted her gaze momentarily. She had to admit, though, she enjoyed his laugh.

Had she had to adapt? of course. She had to run and hide when she was in her human form. Before, for fear of her life. Now, for fear of losing her pack. A far away look crossed her features as she thought about it. Could she ever tell him? Not now. "To warmer climates, yes, but I don't do so well in heat. My coat is thick as well. I was perfectly made for frigid wastelands." She laughed a little at her comment. It was meant jokingly, but she wondered if she just seemed silly.

As the lightness of her laughter passed, her smile fell a little. Her voice quieted, speaking almost to herself. "Adapting to life I've had to do a lot of."

[Relairah]

They continued walking, perhaps not paying as much attention to exactly where they were going as much as to each others movements and behavior, large and small. At least, that's how it was for him. Although, they did know the lands well enough it didn't mean they were going the wrong direction. He listened to her response. Yes, they were both quite comfortable here. She murmured about adapting often in her life. He felt himself soften, some of the tense feelings ebbing away.

She had often vaguely brought up her past, but had only done just that. Speaking of it in reference or passing. She had never truly revealed anything to him. He supposed he shouldn't expect more... afterall, she was his Alphess. She had no obligation to tell him anything. But that didn't mean he didn't want her to. It was not because he had felt so comfortable with her to tell her much of his, though he did admit there was still much to tell. It was just that he wanted her to want to tell him. He wanted to know what it was that plagued her mind at times. He wanted to comfort her and be there for her. For once... he didn't push that thought aside.

"I--" he started, hesitating, then decided to say it. "I won't pry... Serra... but, if there ever comes a day when you just need to get something off your mind... or want to talk about something... I'm always here for you."

He said those words with complete sincerity, meaning them with respect for her privacy, but also wanting her to know he would never push her away if she really needed him.

[Moon_Song]

Her heart leapt in her chest. She turned her head-which before had been looking straight ahead-and gazed into his eyes. She looked as though she was searching for something there, but what it was, she dare not say aloud.

She felt warmth emanate from her chest and face and spread throughout the rest of her body. At the same time, she felt apprehensive. She felt tremendous joy that someone-Akuma to be specific-wanted to be there for her. By the sincerity in his voice, she didn't think he said it just to say something nice. He meant what he said. Her heart fluttered a bit more.

A thought she had been trying to suppress found its way through that crack in conscious. Could Akuma have feelings for me? Oh the thought was a powerful one, having broken through a strong barrier, and she found that she had started to open her mouth to speak the words, but somehow she was able to regain the presence of mind to close it again, a little too audibly.

She took a breath, smiled and said to him "You don't know how happy I am to hear you say that. I'm am so grateful to have found such caring pack members...and such good company" God how she hoped he didn't think her strange for talking in such a way, but she liked him.

Oh goddess...she liked him. The realization hit her hard, for she had never really been so close to the object of her affections. She was terrified to mess up their friendship, but she liked him. She wanted to know everything about him. She wanted to stay with him. What was wrong with her? Was there anything wrong with her?

How did he feel about her? That was the next glaring question. Did he have feelings for her? Or did he just respect her because she was Serra? Ea tried to looked happy and neutral, but she new her face wasn't so. She turned and looked forward to try and hide some of the torrent of emotions that streamed across her face. Even while trying to hide, she tried to reply. "I, too,will be here for you, should you ever need someone to talk to."

She swallowed and chanced looking over at him. She wanted to see what his reaction would be. She prayed he did not read her too easily.

[Relairah]

Akuma's ears swiveled on his head, catching every word from her lips. He knew she too meant them with sincerity... although, like him, it seemed as though she were trying to play off everything as just their respective places in the pack. He referring to her as Serra. She referring to him as a caring companion It was almost comical. He smiled, dipping his head slightly. "Thank you, Serra."

It was true that he could see some of the conflict of emotions written on Ea's face, but he made no comment or notation. For he himself had his own torrent of emotions he was dealing with. Thoughts swirled in his mind. Very similar to hers in some ways. He realized he did have feelings for her. Perhaps he had known it all along. But he had regularly cut himself off, pushing the thoughts and feelings from himself when they arose. She was his Serra. He was her subordinate. He wasn't allowed. He wasn't worthy. These were the excuses he gave himself, trying to convince himself eventually the feelings would fade, or she would find someone who really could handle being Ser beside her.

But a realization came to him as well. Different than hers, but new all the same. Hadn't he been working this whole time to be reborn? To rediscover himself? To put aside fear or regret or unallowing of his own happiness? Didn't he deserve a second chance? Isn't that what he had been given? So then what was really holding him back? He briefly thought of that past of his... ever so long ago. And the tragedy which had followed. Never again. He wouldn't allow it. But this time, it wouldn't be because he was too afraid to get close, or let someone else love him. It would be because he would fight to his last breath for everything he loved and believed in.

He hadn't realized how much time had passed, and suddenly the dens were before them, warm and welcoming from the storm which was steadily getting worse. Had he been so caught up in Ea he hadn't noticed?

He hurried toward them, soon finding himself standing upon rock surface and shook out his pelt. He hadn't realized how cold it was out there until he was in here. He looked around briefly before letting his eyes settle on her once more. "Perhaps we should wait out the storm here, don't you think, Serra?" he asked her, smiling. Outside, the storm grew worse, the wind echoing and now and then cold gusts swept through the cave entrance. Perhaps they would find more warmth deeper within...

[Moon_Song]

He seemed a bit troubled himself, and she briefly worried what she had said caused his dissatisfaction, but only briefly. His mood changed as he had some sort of epiphany. She was curious but did not ask.

Somehow they had found themselves at the den already. That was good, for the storm was beginning to worsen considerably. They both ducked into the warmer area and shook off the snow that covered their pelts.

It was a little warmer here than outside, but the howl of the wind and bite of a few gusts of wind still detracted from the over all comfort of the area. Ea nodded at Akuma's suggestion before she spoke. "Yes that would be best in this situation." She looked around as her eyes adjusted to the dimly lit cave. It went deeper, and she was willing to bet it would be more comfortable farther in.

She turned to ask Akuma something, when she realized how close he was to her. She had not realized he had been looking at her, and due to how close they were, when she turned, she almost bumped noses with him. Embarrassment shaded her features and she cleared her throat as she took a half-step back.

With a slightly nervous laugh she said "Oh, I'm sorry. I, uh, was thinking that it is probably warmer deeper within the cave, if you think it wise to venture further. I smell no other animals here." To be sure, she scented the air as she spoke. In truth, she was trying to bring attention away from her awkward conduct. Oh, why did she have to be such a pup?

If he agreed, she would nod and continue deeper into the cave in search of relief from the wind and snow. When they finally decided on a spot, she would lie down in a soft, dry patch of floor. "I hope the others found a place to wait out the storm."

[Relairah]

He couldn't help but find her behavior amusing... and for some reason very cute. How strange that he was suddenly allowing such a thought to come through his mind. But he embraced it. It wasn't wrong to think it... he told himself.

He moved further toward the back of the cave and sitting down beside her. He glanced between her and the cave entrance. It was going to get quite cold out there before the storm would be over. He smiled at her words, and dipped his head, speaking to her reassuringly. "I'm sure they did. They're smart and strong to be living in a place like this anyway."

Akuma had been thinking over something, and he wished his wings were feathery rather than butterfly wings. He thought of how he might wrap her with one so as to keep her warm. But such simply wasn't the same with butterfly wings. He pushed the thought from his mind. Instead, he shifted his position so that he lay beside her. "I wonder how long this storm will last... they can be rather unpredictable, can't they?"

[Moon_Song]

She was unaccustomed to such closeness with a male, and more, one she liked. She was nervous and had to stop herself from fidgeting. Akuma seemed to have no such issue. Noticing this, she took a deep breath to calm herself. She was being foolish. This was no way for a Serra to act, even if she was alone with him....she was alone with him...She swallowed.

Akuma reassured her about the other pack members. "You are right I suppose." If they were unable to live in such a climate they would not have joined. Still, she could not help but worry. They were her pack-mates and she couldn't bare to see them hurt.

He moved even closer now. His side touching hers. She hoped he could not feel her heart quicken with his touch. Being subtle about it, she slowed her breathing to try and control her heart beat. She focused on what he said. "Yes that is true. Weather her is much like it was in my homeland. The storms an start in an instant and some have lasted days." Ea smiled a bit as she thought to herself. "Perhaps that is why I chose this place." She turned and looked into his face. "Am I strange for finding comfort in this climate's unpredictability?"

[Relairah]

There it was again. Speaking of her homeland. Another piece of her past. He craved to know more. Just what was her homeland like? He knew already that it was cold and snowy like here. Perhaps the climate was all he knew of it. It was hardly strange for her to choose somewhere like home. But her question was different than that.

He smiled at her and shook his head. "Not at all, Serra. At least... I don't think so. Perhaps you desire the unpredictability for a taste of adventure... or perhaps to be certain that everything will not remain the same forever." He paused, not wanting to say anything he shouldn't. He spoke more softly as he finished his thought, looking off slightly. "Perhaps as reassurance that like the storm covers the lands and makes the snow fresh and new, so will things change and be reborn somewhere within you."

He wasn't sure why he had said those words, specifically, but he glanced at her hesitantly once he did. "I'm sorry... if I suddenly got all serious," he said. "Anyway, no, Serra, I don't think it's strange." He suddenly had the urge to press his nose into her fur and nuzzle her. Instead, he felt himself grow warm with embarrassment and looked down again, feeling a bit of the fidgeting that she was experiencing.

"So... if this storm does last a while, I'm glad we got to eat something before," he said, grinning slightly showing he was in jest. He then looked around, observing the shadows and crevices in the cavern. He looked back at her, "Perhaps we might explore a bit, Serra?"

[Moon_Song]

He was right, in a way. Unpredictable weather was just a way for her to feel like history wouldn't repeat itself...that it would not stay the same....The snow representing her desire for a rebirth, for her past transgressions to be forgiven. It was all her fault what happened. Because she was careless, she lost everything...Darklight lost everything...

Forcefully she pushed those thoughts to the wayside. She would not fall into that bottomless pit. Not now. She needed to be strong for her pack. If she showed weakness, how could she hope to lead them and protect them?

Akuma's apology provided her a needed break from her circle of thought. "You need not be sorry. You have done nothing to warrant an apology" She smiled at his assurance, and she had a sudden longing to be nuzzled by him. She turned her face aside, feeling her face warm with embarrassment. Did she imagine it, or did he do the same thing?

She cleared her throat before she spoke, trying to prevent it from wavering oddly. "Yes that was rather lucky." She smiled back. As he looked around, she continued to looked over his features. She felt silly doing so, but...

He looked back, no doubt catching her staring. She coughed to try to divert the attention from her awkwardness. "Um, yes, exploring seems a great idea." She looked down, desperately trying to hide her embarrassment. If she were in her human form, her face would be scarlet red. Her human form...a sobering thought. He still knew nothing of that side of her. No one did but Darklight. What if he found out and thought her disgusting, of became afraid of her? Or tried to attack her? Or...left her.

She wanted to tell him, but could she? She pressed passed Akuma toward the opening in the back of the cave. "Lets see what's back here".