loki -loner

[echo]

Name: Loki Ruins

Gender: Female

Race: Wolf

Sub-Race: Demon

Breed: Druin

Pack:

Rank: Loner

Appearance: Her fur is a dark charcoal black with dark gray eyes. She has horns like a chinese dragon, gold (Gold in simple form before its melted down into jewelry) in coloration. As are her scales and claws. Loki has tribal runes marks on both her shoulders and the symbol for storm on her right eye, they are powder blue. She is slender and but well built, she wears metal claws that cover the front paws giving her step a metallic click every time. Multiple earrings on both her ears and a small necklace that holds a stone with the rune of wisdom written in a rustic gold. She bears several scars here and there on her body due to her trouble making persona.

Personality: Tough, strong, she is a strong willed female with the trickster personality of whom she is named after.Often speaking in druin to confuse others. Confidant and proud, she is every bit of warrior as her ancestors were. She is one that never surrenders until her last breath. Her loyalty and respect lies in those who have earned it.

Magic: Storm

-Spells:
Storm Call; ability to summon thunder/lightning
Flash Step; Ability to move lightning speed fast.

Storm Call is only use in a time of true need. Thunder is a soundwave that tolls heavy damage to both parties but is limited to one shot due to the immense energy it requires. Lightning requires absolute focus, its range is limited by three shots and they must be precise shots. Storm Call expends a lot of energy and requires Loki to be feeding well.

Flash Step is limited to a mile and requires Loki to be well fed. In battle she would be limited to 3 steps due to the Flash step is limited to a straight walk.

Skills:
Killer; Like all druins, she is a natural.
Hunter; Loves the sweet flesh of caribou and enemy wolves

Biography: Born only 22 years, Loki is fairly young for a druin. Taking the family name of Ruin when she passed the clan iniation. Her father Draco Ruin was a proud warrior who earned a name for himself until he was killed in battle. Due to her low status within the clan, she was tormented by the others. Unlike other low status members, Loki would return the torment and get herself in deeper trouble. Until she was brutally attacked by her elders. Leaving with scars, Loki was thrown out left for dead. She struggled to recover for several weeks and grew incrediby thin and weak until an unlucky wolf pack cross her path...Now, she searches for a clan or mate that will eventually lead to a pack she will have of her own.

[demin]

There's a few things I take issue with in Loki's history. First, why did everyone hate her so much? Because she was super-duper-talented and awesome? That's not a good reason at all to be hated so much by so many. In fact, that's one of the symptoms of a Mary-Sue character. =/

Second, there has never been an all-female pack of Druins. The only Druin pack has been Giaku, which is stated in the site's lore. Until recently, you couldn't leave Giaku if you wanted to live, so there were no opportunities for other Druin packs to be formed.

Thirdly, the Flash Step ability as it's written has no drawbacks to using it, and can easily be abused. That's a big no-no. There has to be some limit or downside to using every power your character has. I'd also like to see more detail with Storm Call: what kind of range it has, whether she can control where the lightning hits (or if it's random), how long she can sustain it, etc. And why does she have "Dark" magic if she has no "Dark" spells?

[echo]

Sorry. I made the modifications. First, I never intended for her to be Mary Sue actually quite the opposite, she was troublemaker with daddy's love. Not because she was perfect. As for the dark/storm thing, I got confuse I was looking through and I thought that was a sub form of dark thats why I wrote it that way

[demin]

One mile is a bit much. That's a little over five thousand feet. In a combat situation, she could easily, and literally, run circles around her opponent and they wouldn't stand a chance. If it's meant to be purely for transportation, that's fine. But if you're going to use it in a combat scenario it must have drawbacks, not prerequisites that must be met before she can use them. It's a nice touch and is on the right track but there must also be a disadvantage to using such a power in addition to the benefits it gives her. I'll give you an example: My character Ammunae's powers deal with the mind. However, because the spirit that gives him his powers is bonded to him against its will every time Ammunae uses his powers the spirit tries to escape his body. If Ammunae uses them too much, he could lose them altogether or even be killed in a psychic explosion as a result of the spirit's escape attempt. Your character's drawbacks don't have to be as drastic by any means, but they must be there.

Edit: I'm sorry to be so picky, and I promise I'm not trying to give you a hard time. It's just we've had so many problems with characters' powers and abilities in the past, and we've been trying to reign them in. =/

[echo]

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