Deep as the Ocean

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Hyouzan crept along the shore, wide paws leaving imprints in the soft, wet sand, along with chips and flakes of ice. He was shivering, twitching, a bundle of magickal energy waiting to be spent. There was fear in his aura, too- fear of something unknown. There was something wrong with the earth ebneaht his feet. Something terrible. With it came a stench, a gas, a brooding presence of the rotten and the dead... a signal that not all was well in the Underworld. His jaws parted slightly, exposing his teeth, an unconcious snarl. Another convulsion shook his iced pelt, muscles quivering. Each step was placed carefully, indigo orbs sweeping the beaches with unusual vigor. Hyouzan was less and less sure if he should stay in Shinkou, but something... someone... held him back.

Zoicite.

As the thought entered his mind, his furious pacing ceased, tiny angel wings settling against his back. Thoughtful, he stood at the very edge of the sea, cerulean blue and ivory white pelt gleaming against the dull brown sands. Would he stay... for her?[/color]

[Mama Z]

Tis the last rose of summer,
Left blooming alone,
All her lovely companions
Are faded and gone.
No flow'r of her kindred
No rosebud is nigh
To reflect back her blushes,
Or give sigh for sigh.

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It was a cooler day on the beach. The wind was blowing easily, pushing the smells of salt into the air, perfuming it reminding those that the edge of the world was here. The sun shone behind clouds, not to be seen but reminding everyone that it was there. The beaches were baren, not many traveled here, not liking the journey. The waters mashed upon the sand creating a soothing melody. But she couldnt enjoy it fully.

I'll not leave thee, thou lone one,
To pine on the stern,
Since the lovely are sleeping,
Go, sleep thou with them

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She couldn't deny it any more. She was hurting. The pain in her chest grew with each day she was alone. Waiting was something she always found hard to do. However; she had been waiting. Standing around and waiting to see his face again, hear his voice, and waiting to be something more. Friends they were since they were pups. Days were joyous when they were together and though she seemed happy around others she was sad. Sad he no longer made himself present around her, or any one else. It was like he was trying to aviod her. She couldn't wait much longer. She was tired of waiting.

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Thus kindly I'll scatter
Thy leaves o'er the bed,
Where thy mates of the garden
Lie scentless and dead.

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It had been weeks she had sung. Even alone she couldn't find it in her heart to do so. But just as she laid here on the small cliff side, watching the waves turn and waver, she could hear the lyrics in her mind. Zoicite let out a small sigh, turning her head away from the waters to look down along the ever stretching beach. Caramel ears fell back, now she noticed she was no longer alone. With a small stretch she stood back up, wanting to move further down the beach, away from this stranger.

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So soon may I follow
When friendships decay;
And from love's shining circle
The gems drop away
When true hearts lie wither'd
And fond ones are flow'n
Oh! Who would inhabit
This bleak world alone?

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He knew. Somehow, deep inside, he could tell. She was here, somewhere, making his heart ache, his eyes water. Sometimes, when his thoughts turned to his lifelong friend, there were moments when he just wanted to tell her... hadn't they always told each other the truth? The whole truth, and nothing but? It was so hard sometimes, pretending things were okay, pretending he never left Shinkou on his myterious missions...

Sometimes, he just wanted to tell her he loved her.

Hyouzan sighed, the sound exiting his muzzle with a soft whisper of regret, eyes closing. He constantly frustrated himself, letting her down like this. But now, what now? Was this the time to finish the past and begin the future? His sense of doom would not let go, and the indecision chewed at his heart like a ravenous rat. He lifted a trembling paw and stepped forward, raising his head and opening his eyes. There- above him. Perched high on the cliff, a caramel-and-cream vision of dejection. Was it his doing? Guilt. Guilt, guilt, guilt. It was a thorn in his side. Heart about to burst, he let his voice reach out to her. Was she turning away?

"Zoicite! Zoi... No..."[/color]

[Mama Z]

The first part of her name was nearly cut out by the sound of the waves reaching the shore. She had paused briefly, wandering if she had indeed heard correctly. Eyes looked out to sea briefly then she turned her head and looked down. Her heart suddenly stopped. It was in a way, the one she feared. What was he doing way out here? He couldn't have know where she was. A glance up the clouds was given, was it just fate wanting them to end (or hopefully begin) it all right here?

Could she continue to pretend to be happy? Just this one last time? A false smile lifted to her features and she walked towards the cliff side. 'Hey Hyouzan!' She called giving her tail a brief wag. 'Hold on, I'll be down in a jiff!' She called starting to turn to head back down the small up lifted portion of the beach. She could do this, she could be happy. Just one more false smile and that will be it. She'd be able to move on and so could he.

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At first he wondered. Had she heard? Noticed? Refused to answer? He wouldn't have been surprised, or even hurt. It was her right to ignore him, to shun him and pretend he had never existed in her life. Hyouzan stepped forward again, about to scream, but then she turned... and her face. Her eyes. They bored into him, staring, amazed... and that flash of doubt, sending shivers up his spine. Her glance to the heavens. Was she thankful he was here? Disappointed? Scared? Gods all knew he was frightened to death. The glacier-like male padded towards the cliff, listening to her voice, that beautiful voice, delightful. The smile? He watched, inwardly horrified, dismayed at what he brought upon her. This fake facade, this pretense of happiness. Some inner voice howled in agony as she leapt towards him, seemingly so full of energy. When was the last time he had made her happy? Miserable, he awaited the consequences.[/color]

[Mama Z]

Zoi would always be the first to admit it, she wasn't the most graceful being out there. She climbed down the semi-wet rocks carefully, making sure not to go tumbling off them. And if she did, she was glad there was soft sand to break her fall. Finally paws hit the ground and she looked at the rocks, happy they hadn't decided to make an idiot of herself. Glancing back she trod over to Hyouzan, that same smile on her face. 'What brings ya out here stranger?' She asked, plopping her butt right on the sand. 'Not a great day for a beach trip. Was kinda disappointed I picked the wrong day to wander out here.' Actually, she was thinking more along the lines of that the weather fitted her mood too perfectly, making her just a little more depressed. Ah, who cared right now, a conversation, a goodbye. It'd all be good.

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Hyouzan watched her as she carefully descended down the small cliff, half-smiling. She was taking extra caution not to fall- her clumsiness was a loveable thing. Everything about her was loveable! He cursed his luck, his fate, his dreams, all the things that had led him here, and to her. Because all he had been left with was her hurt... the emptiness he sensed inside, waiting to say goodbye. Why had he let this go so long? He waited or her, watching her seat herself, unsmiling. He blinked, indigo eyes watering, the opal around his neck gleaming with a faint, midnight blue, with flecks of mournful silver. Damned pendant. Always telling the world of his true feelings... "Zoi. Don't be that way. Please. Don't fake like it's all okay." His gaze dropped, staring into the sand. "I know I've done you wrong." His voice faded, disappeared, lost in all the things he really wanted to say, to make everything right. Was it too late? Thoughts attacked his mind, blurring the real message: he loved her. He lvoed Zoicite. And always would.[/color]

[Mama Z]

What he said completely caught her off guard. She felt the edges of her lips fall completely into a frown, her ears falling to rest against her head, and even her heart falling to the floor. Was it now that obvious? She watched him with sadden eyes, even looking down as his pendant changed colors. Now what? He obviously felt guilty, but what could she do? Sit their and scold him like some young pup. No, he was still a friend. Even if he did hurt her, she was sure he didnt do it through bad intentions.

She gave a short laugh and stood back up, the sand sticking to her fur with ease. 'I'd say you did.' She commented walking past him putting on a smile, 'Never come and say Hi any more.' She walked towards the water, glancing over her shoulder, 'You have me worried hafta death, you know?' They couldnt end on bad terms. It wasn't right. Ah who knew. Maybe she was just being selfish and in turn making him feel guilty. Maybe she had just chose to ignore obvious clues taht what they had couldn't be more and was just pushing the friendship they had into an awkward position.

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Did she still fight with her own self? Was it difficult to understand his plight? He knew he pitied himself in an akward, undeserving way, but most of the blame lay with him. Hyouzan stepped forward, letting cold, wet sand envelope his iced paws, the gritty texture beginning to be uncomfortable, but his focus lay with Zoicite. This was a hurt that could be healed, but it was a toss-up whether or not she would accept it. Accept what? His fumbling, idiotic apology? His unwanted explanation, which she would most likely rather not hear anyway? He sucked in a deep breath, feathers ruffling in discontent as he studied her with glacier eyes, unmoving as she tread past, merely turning his head to follow her progression. "Zoicite. I've been a complete... idiot. And... you know..." Hyouzan's mellow vocals were cut off as he stood, shaking away the sand impatiently, nearly stumbling as he hurried to face her. His gaze was half-annoyed, half-wild, words stunted and hard to speak. "I'm sorry. Really. You... you have no idea." Was this a good move? He shuffle dhis weight, muscles popping a little beneath the flowing blue and white pelt. "I've... not been there for you, not completely. And I'm... what I'm trying to say is..." Another pause. "It was wrong."[/color]

[Mama Z]

The white wolfess stopped in her tracks, looking down now at the foamy murky waters that lapped at her caramel colored paws. She knew the words he spoke were true and not for a moment she didn't doubt that. But what she was concerned about, was hearing another appology of the same sort again and again. The wounds would heal eventually with the scab of time, but every time she would hear 'I'm Sorry' she was sure the scab would tear open and begin to bleed once again. A soft sigh left her lungs and she continued to look into the water.

'Do you know how much of a relief and a pain it is to hear you say that?' Her vocals had dropped and Zoi lifted her head to look at the sun which was slowly making its way around the clouds and down the horizon. 'Im glad to know you are sorry and that you know your faults, but...' she paused trying to get a hold of her words and her emotions, 'but how do I know if you will try to change it? Its getting harder and harder waiting, Hyouzan, even for a friend.'

[Deleted]

A friend... Her words blazed in Hyouzan's brain like a wildfire. It was only fair. Hadn't he himself begun this cycle of love and leave? It was his fault... all his fault. "I blame none fo this on you, Zoicite," he said quietly, saddened that she refused to turn to him. "There are things in my life, from my past, that have yet to be resolved. I am part of something I can barely begin to understand, let alone explain, and it has only just begun hurting you..." He sat, letting his haunches fold carefully beneath his lanky body, sandy paws creating new dimples in the dark, wet earth. "And it's why I've decided to detach myself from it all." He closed his eyes, not thinking about the words, only expressing the feeling. "I'm here for you now. Permanently." Slowly, the world reappeared as his eyelids lifted, exposing the inner blue depths. He wanted to say those words. There was nothing in the world to describe how much he wanted to tell her the truth... but his fear was greater. Much greater. She had no idea what he was giving up, what he was abandoning.... and all just to be near her.

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[Mama Z]

'Why didnt you ever tell me whats going with you?' She asked, finally turning to look at him. 'If there's something important, I dont want to keep you from it. I'd understand if it's something that you value, but all I need for you to do is tell me.' She glanced back at the ocean, 'I care for you, Hyouzan, a lot in fact.' she added as a small side note, 'I just get real worried is all.' In reality if she could, Zoicite would lock up the wolf and make sure he never went more then two feet from her. But realisticly, she couldn't do that, he was a grown wolf now and not a pup like they used to be. If he wanted to go then he could, she just wished to know so she could give a goodbye.

[Deleted]

He watched her for a few moments, the way she stared so miserably at him before returning her gaze to the churning seas before them. Her words stung, like darts, piercing the armor he'd thought he'd built up so carefully. "Zoi... you must understand." He sighed. "If I told you... even what I'm telling you now could suffice... but they would kill you. Slowly. With me watching. And then they would dispose of me." He moved closer, voice almost indecipherable over the rumble of the waves. "I couldn't let them hurt you, Zoi. Not because of me...." He winced as she expressed a little of her frustrations. She cared? A lot? What exactly did that mean? She was so subtle sometimes, and him just a male, trying to understand the complexities of females... "Zoi, you hafta understand at least this one thing." He glanced down, studying the grains of sand, every detail, the droplets of water clinging to his fur, the smell of seaweed, shell and wolf. "You hafta understand that I love you."

And there it was. All his cards on the table.

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[Mama Z]

She listened carefully, ears flexing every now and again to hear his words over the sea. Zoi, you hafta understand at least one thing, His words caught her curiosity instantly and she turned to look back at him, waiting for him to continue. Then he said it. Simple as that. She had her suspicions about it, but was never certain for he wasn't around too often. Her heart beat loudly even in her own ears as she heard his proclamation, head turned to the side lightly, observing him and watching him closely, trying to see a fault within the statement. However, she couldn't see one.

'Do you mean that? Honestly and truly mean that?' She was trying not to get overly excited, after all, he could have meant in the sense that he loved her as a friend or even a sister. Poor Zoi, almost always in denial about the obvious.

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[Deleted]

Hyouzan knew. He knew he'd said it... spat out the root of the problem. He watched her head snap around, the beautful caramel and white of her pelt almost glowing in the dim sunlight... in his gaze, right then, she was perfect. And it was his mistakes that led to their current predicament. He had often thought perhaps he was a little too cold for ehr, too distant, but... was that the real Hyouzan he showed her? No. Zoicite knew who he really was. They had met so long ago... and he believed it had been love from the start. "Zoicite, I love you." His eyes narrowed, searching her facial expression, eyeing for any disbelief. He was telling the truth... finally. And he felt vindicated, fulfilled. "I understand if you're sick and tired of me, Zoi. It would make sense."

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