What is Oatmeal? The World May Never Know

[Foxfire]

Note the Disclaimer. Read it. Like it.
I DO NOT and probably NEVER WILL own these Princess Mononoke characters(copyrights go to
Disney, Studio Ghibli and Hayao Miyazaki)but all of the others are ORIGINAL characters created by
me and they will show up in my fanfictions and a book that I am currently writing to be published.
They are copyrighted and NOT to be used in any way without my express permission. Enjoy!
Don't get sued!(And so that doesn't happen I'm going to list my original characters)
Original Characters(created by ME)-Tsuki, Roku, Toge, Yue, Deadwood, Sai
Princess Mononoke Characters(do not own these)- Mori, Ashitaka, San, Shishigami

Chapter One- What the HEY is Oatmeal???
____________________________________________________

"I thought we already established that this is MY couch!" Toge kicked Roku off, sending his potato
chips flying into the face of Deadwood. The bowl was stuck to his head as he fumed angrily," I told
you, I'm not evil anymore, so stop throwing things at me!" Suddenly Yue snuck up behing the couch
and hit him inmthe back of the head with a barrage of water balloons filled with oatmeal, leaving
Deadwood a sopping wet, angry mess covered in potato chips, a bowl, pieces of ballon and
...oatmeal condiments. What is in that stuff, anyway? (The world may never know...)"What the hey
is going on here? It looks worse than World War 2!" San exclaimed as she went down the steps
after hearing Deadwood's angry screeching. "What is that stuff, anyway?" Ashitaka said with a
blank expression on his face. "Don't ask me." Sai remarked as he stuck his head in the
refrigerator. "What are you doing, Sai? I thought you were on a diet!" Mori snarled when she
noticed Sai sticking his nose into a chocolate cake. He jumped when she spoke and his head hit
the top of the refrigerator. "Like I said, don't know." Yue tried to act like he didn't do anything and
licked a potato chip of of Deadwood. "Blech, oatmeal. Don't you people even know what's in that
stuff?" Everybody shook there heads, confused. He spit the stuff back out in Deadwood's face.
"Even I don't eat something if I don't know what's in it." Sai whined as Mori tried to pull him out of
the refrigerator. He was firmly lodged in the top after he tried to hide and eat cake at the same time.
Finally, Deadwood couldn't take it anymore. "I'm taking a shower!" He stomped off, his feet
squelching as he left a trail of condiments behind him." Aww, come on! Now I have to clean
up after him!" Tsuki complained as came down from her room."YOOOOWCH! WHY'D YOU DO
THAT!" Mori hit Sai in the head with a plate as she washed the dishes. "Help me finish these, you
bumbling dolt! It's the least you could do after I dislodged you and your precious dessert from the
icebox!" She swiped the cake away before he could eat it and placed it on a high shelf. "By the time
you reach this cake, you'll burn all the calories it's worth trying to get it!" "My cake... NOOOOOOO!
WHY MUST YOU DEPRIVE ME OF MY SUGAR, WOMAN?! I'll kill you and roast you over a spit!"
"You're too fat to walk up the steps without losing your breath!" Mori sprinted up the steps as Sai
tried to follow, huffing and puffing like a steam engine along the way. Tsuki shook her head and
sighed, "Why did I have to be born into the crazy asylum?!" Soon Roku and Toge were fighting over
the remote control for the TV. They finally settled on a health program when Sai came down the
steps again to get back to his cake. The host just happened to have Mori's voice and shouted out,
" Drop and give me 50! NOW! Before I skin that pathetic pelt of yours!" "You're(huff)not(huff) a
woman(huff)you're(huff) a DEMON!!!" Sai cried out as he obeyed the appropriately placed TV
program. "So you're finally tasking this seriously?! Praise the Lord and Hallellujah!" Mori interjected
as she came down the steps. The look of disbelief on Sai's face was to die for. Everybody started
laughing uncontrollably. Yue was rolling on the floor, tripping Ashitaka and sending him flying into
Roku, who kicked Toge into Mori, sending them both crashing into the wall. Tsuki came back down
the steps and almost fell down the staircase
when she saw the mayhem. Suddenly Sai squirmed out from under the crazed maydness and
grabbed Tsuki. "Give me my cake or I'll kill the hostage!" "What are you talking about you
madman?! That's your niece!" San and Mori both said at the same time"I have a niece???" Sai replied cluelessly. Meanwhile Ashitaka was so confused that he staggered right out the door and fell over the crazy elderly next-door
neighboor's hedge and ran out with a Rottwieler at his heels screaming madly," DARN YOU QUAKER OOOOAAATS!" Poor Ashitaka, he never knew that his girlfriend's family(or neighbors)((or oatmeal)) was that insane.
Back at the house, Sai had locked Tsuki into the icebox and guarded it. "Sheesh,
if you want your cake THAT badly why don't you just pry it out from under your fat butt,
instead of turning poor Tsuki into a block of ice!" Mori knocked him off of the freezer door
and pried the half-frozen Tsuki out as Sai rolled away, whimpering at the second loss of his
cake. "I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE YET, WOMAN! THIS (gasp) IS (pant) NOT (huff) OVER!!!" Sai
growled as he dragged himself up the steps. "Oh, can it! You've already caused enough damage, chasing away my boyfriend and half-freezing one of my possible future in-laws!" San snarled back at him. Hours later, after they had finally thawed out poor Tsuki, Ashitaka burst through the door,
panting hard. He was covered in seaweed, leaves, dried mud, twigs, and other indescribable muck
(including oatmeal!). The first thing Tsuki said after thawing out was, " Awww man! See what I told
you? Whenever it's my turn to clean everyone always seemes to be at their messiest!" "And craziest." Yue mumbled angrily. "I'll take care of it. Come on Ashitaka, you need to get cleaned
up." Mori carried the tired Ashitaka on her back up the stairs. Suddenly, Shishigami(the Forest
Spirit) came in through the door. He'd been on vacation for a while but when he saw the scene he
looked ready to pull his hair out. "WHAT...DID...YOU...DO?!" he roared. "It's all Sai's fault!"
everyone screamed in unison. "I'm gonna KILL HIM!" And Sai's shreaks and screams could be
heard all throught the night and woke up the neighbors, who sent their Rottwieler after Deadwood when he tripped and fell on their lawn. God knows where he is now...(And not even GOD knows what's in those oatmeal packets. Be WAAARNED!)


Fin
____________________________________________________

[/left]
Keep checking up for the latest installments- Deadwood buys an apartment, Sai almost eats a
whole restaraunt, Yue pulls the ultimate prank, Mori puts Sai on a fast, and more to come!
And here's a special sneak peek on Chapter Two- Idiots, Mobsters, or Educated Lobsters?!
"NOOO! I WANT TO LIVE! I WANT TO LIVE! LET ME LIVE, WOMAN! I'LL WASTE
AWAY IF I DON'T EAT! NOOOOOOHOHOHOHOOOOOOO!" Sai cried as Mori dragged him away
from the dinner table. "No! After your performance at that restaraunt, you should be happy I'll ever
let you even watch the Food Channel!" Mori snarled as she dragged him up the stairs."Ow, ow, ow,
OOOW!" he screeched as his head bumped against the foots of the stairs.
Mwahahahahahaha that's all for now![/blockquote]