Chronicles of Shinkou (Part 5 up!)

[Felypsa]

Felypsa Productions presents:

THE CHRONICLES OF SHINKOU:

THE WOLF, THE BITCH, AND THE LAPTOP

(based on the movie that's based on the book -- only with local SO flavor!)

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DISCLAIMER: The characters here do not necessarily represent the actual personalities of their namesakes. It's all for a bit of fun, so I hope I didn't offend anyone. With that in mind, please enjoy! =)

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Part 1

Narrator: Once upon a time, there were four siblings who loved each other very much...

Demin: -is locked in a cage-

Kiku & Azure: -throw rocks at Demin- Heh heh heh...

Demin: You guys are so mean...;.;

Azure: Hey, if you wanna be a part of this family, you gotta sit in a cage and get rocks thrown atcha...that's what I had to go through.

Kiku: Yeah, and I still tie her up and leave her under the stairwell from time to time.

Azure: -sniffs- Yes...yes, you do...that hurts my soul, that does...

Kiku: QUIET! -kicks Azure down the stairs-

Azure: I -bump- love -bump- you -bump- so -bump- muuuuuch...! -crash-

Sakoru: O.O -tiptoes in quietly- Anyone want...cookies? -holds out platter of cookies fearfully-

Kiku: <3 Cookies! -devours-

Azure: <3 Cookies! -runs upstairs to eat cookies-

Demin: Um...?

Sakoru: Here, Demin! -throws cookies at Demin in cage-

Demin: <3 Cookies! -eats-

All but Sakoru: We love Sakoru and her cookies!! <3

Sakoru: ^_^

Narrator: ...anyway, despite their obvious dysfunction, they got along pretty darn well. Mostly thanks to Sakoru and her delicious cookies. -takes and eats cookies- Mmm, nummy.

Kiku: Hey loser, aren't you s'posed to be narratin' a story? -holds up rock threateningly-

Narrator: Oh! Right. -dusts cookie crumbs off shirt and clears throat- Due to an unfortunate attack on their home--

Random Plot Bombs: -explode teh house!!-

All but Demin: RUN AWAY!! -flee home-

Demin: Nah, I think I'll stick around...it's probably better to die here than to live with y'all...-sniffs-

Kiku: Oh no you don't! We need an easy target! -grabs Demin and dropkicks him out of the house-

Demin: Now it's obvious that I'll be harboring resentment toward you for the rest of the play....! -crashlands-

Narrator: --the kids go to live with a random old professor and a crotchety old lady in the middle of absolutely nowhere.

Loony: I hate boys -- I mean, kids. The Prof hates kids too. So pretend you aren't here. -slams door-

Kiku: So, lemme get this straight. Even though this house is ginormous, and we're of different sexes, we still all have to sleep in like the same room?

Azure: Yep! Isn't it fun? =D

Demin: I hate you all. Good night.

Kiku: -beats Demin up before going to bed-

Demin: -cries self to sleep-

Sakoru: Oh dear...I sense sibling tension that not even my cookies will ease... )=

Narrator: And the next day...

Kiku: -is pounding on Demin- RESPECT MAH AUTHORITAH!

Demin: Ohh, you are so asking for a future betrayal...

Sakoru: Let's play hide and seek!

Azure: I guess. If it prevents Kiku from beating us up more...

Kiku: ):< Nevar!

Sakoru: Play hide and seek for a plate of cookies? -holds out cookies hopefully-

Kiku: ...

Sakoru: -winning smile-

Kiku: -seizes plate and takes bite- 1...-takes another bite- 2...-takes another bite- 3...

All but Kiku: Hurry, now's our chance! Run away, run away!!

Azure: -curls up in bathtub- I doubt anyone will even be looking for me here...;.; -sniffs-

Demin: -shoves Sakoru out of the way- I have pent-up male aggression! Let me hide here!!

Sakoru: Fine! No cookies for you!

Demin: Ohh, you are so asking for a future me-not-backing-you-up lie...

Sakoru: You have weird, manipulative revenge tactics.

Demin: And they'll definitely NOT backfire on me!

Sakoru: Whatever. I'm off to find the fantasy land that'll bring us closer together as a family...

Narrator: So she finds herself in the professor's only computer room and notices a shining laptop in the back.

Sakoru: Dude, I didn't even know the prof. KNEW how to use a computer...-approaches warily and touches laptop-

Laptop: -whirrs and buzzes and comes out of sleep mode-

Sakoru: -squints- What's this...? Shinkou...Ookami? What does that mean?

Kiku: -outside- 84, 85, 86...I'M A-COMIN' TO KILL YOU ALL! I mean -- FIND YOU ALL!

Sakoru: Uh oh! -types frantically on laptop- "Hide me, please!"

Laptop: Hey lady, whaddya think this is, the Matrix?

Sakoru: o.o The wha-trix?

Laptop: -burps-

Sakoru: Did the laptop just...burp?

Narrator: Suddenly, an enormous light fills up the entire room, and the next thing Sakoru knows...

Sakoru: Whoa! What is this place? A mystical, magical land covered in a white background? With fancy texts? And...uhh, what looks to be a lamppost?

Narrator: She approaches the lamppost carefully, but pauses, hearing odd noises nearby.

Sakoru: ...

Odd Noises: Ooh yeah, uh huh baby...mmm, that's the good stuff...

Sakoru: -approaches odd noises-

Narrator: Suddenly--

Blitzy: AAAAAUUUUUUGH!

Sakoru: AAAAAUUUUUUGH!!

Blitzy & Sakoru: -stare at each other-

Sakoru: Umm...what are you doing?

Blitzy: -buttons pants, wipes hand in snow- Nothing, nothing at all...>.>;

Sakoru: ...you were jilling off, weren't you?

Blitzy: Umm... -jumps up- Anyway! Who-the-[grrr] are you?

Sakoru: I'm...Sakoru. Who -- or, rather, what -- are you?

Blitzy: I'm Blitzy, an Ookami! A crazy inhabitant of this crazy land called Shinkou...and what're you? You don't look crazy enough to be an Ookami...oooh, are you a n00b?

Sakoru: What? No! I'm Sakoru. I'm a girl.

Blitzy: -looks Sakoru up and down- You bet you are. -waggles eyebrows-

Sakoru: You're starting to creep me out.

Blitzy: Why don't we continue with this kind of sexy talk over a "cup of tea" at my place, eh?

Sakoru: Sure! I'll make cookies!

Blitzy: Honey, you can make my cookies any day. If you know what I mean. -winkwinknudgenudge-

Sakoru: Okay! -follows Blitzy to her home-

Narrator: At Blitzy's place...

Blitzy: Now, how 'bout you take off some of your clothes while the "tea" gets hot...

Sakoru: Umm, in case you haven't noticed, it's like FRICKIN' FREEZING here.

Blitzy: That's why you'll warm me up, baby.

Sakoru: I'm beginning to suspect perversion...

Blitzy: Er, I mean, that's why the "tea" will warm me up...>.>

Sakoru: So why's it winter here? It's, like, super nice and summery where I'm from.

Blitzy: -looks around and leans down to whisper- Whisperingly, it's because of the White Bitch.

Random Cold Wind: -blows through dramatically-

Sakoru: The...White Bitch?

Blitzy: -nods solemnly- She's the one who makes it always winter-white here, and never Christmas. We haven't gotten any presents or forum updates for a really long time, because she's a selfish, lazy Bitch!

Sakoru: o.o She sounds horrible!

Blitzy: She is. And she's actually why I'm secretly kidnapping you right now. Because she said that if ever a newb came to Shinkou...we're all supposed to turn them over to her!

Sakoru: But I thought you were secretly kidnapping me for your own pervish delight.

Blitzy: Oh...yeah...but dun tell no one >.<;

Sakoru: That's it, I'm outta here!

Blitzy: Well, at least let me take you back so that I'll look good for risking my life to save you.

Sakoru: Hmmm....okay! ^_^

Blitzy: Yay!

Sakoru: Thanks, your noble, selfless gesture has made me want to visit you again!

Blitzy: You don't say...-aside- My pervy plan worked perfectly!

Sakoru: Hm? You say something, Miz Blitzy?

Blitzy: ^_^ Nope! Run along back home now!

Sakoru: Otay! <3

Narrator: Back in the computer room...

Sakoru: -falls out of laptop- Whoa! What a ride!

Kiku: -outside- 99, 100! Bwahahahahaha! Torture time!! (:<

Sakoru: Hey everyone! I'm assuming you were all really worried about me, but I'm okay! Creepy Blitzy didn't end up raping me at all!

Demin: -stupidly comes out of hiding place- Who's Blitzy? She sounds sexy.

Kiku: I find you all! And now I keel you for my amusement bwahaha xD

Demin: Aw now look at what you made me do, Sakoru! You made me get found!

Azure: -still in bathtub- As I suspected...no one came to look for me...therefore, I win...-waves a tiny flag- And there was much rejoicing...-sniffles-

Sakoru: Wait, no! I've got a ridiculous story that none of you are going to believe!

Narrator: To save time, let's just say that she told her ridiculous story and then showed them the laptop.

Azure: -pokes the laptop- It's not on >.<;

Kiku: I don't know anything about computers, but this one looks dead. Dead things are no fun unless I'm involved with making them dead.

Sakoru: But it was real! The whiteness, the lamppost, Blitzy's jilling off...

Demin: -snickers- Time for my revenge! -loudly- I believe you, Sakoru!

Sakoru: ^_^ Yay! Cookies for you!

Demin: It makes sense...I mean, didn't I tell you about the time I found yer mom in my bed? -cracks up at his own joke-

Azure: ...you realize that our mom is your mom too, right?

Demin: -stops laughing- Oh shit.

Kiku: Laaaaame.

Demin: -pouts- I hate you!! -storms out-

Azure: -to Kiku, sarcastically- Oh, well done. -scurries away- Don't hurt me!

Sakoru: So...does this mean you all think I'm delusional?

Kiku: I don't like this side of you, Sakoru. Go back to making cookies. -stomps off-

Sakoru: They'll believe me...as soon as the maker of this play writes more. -nods and goes off to make cookies-

[Lil' Red Riding Loon]

<3
That made me giggle a lot.

[blitzkreig]

I Am Awesome...nuff said. :3

[sakoru]

Aw!! You included me, Fefe~! *huggles* I don't think I've ever been in a parody before xDD ahaha, great work =D you didn't even forget my cookies! Which means...~! Moar cookies fer joo! *buries Fefe in cookies* =D write moar soon! xD

[Aveilthé]

AHHHHHHHH! That was funny! XD Mooooore!

[howlofthewind]

If you don't include me in one of the future chapters. My necromancy zombys and new found chocolate milk powerz will kill you!

[demin]

You're too new, Howl. Stfu and gtfo.

[Felypsa]

Thanks for the comments, guys! I'm a bit rusty on the whole play-making business, so I'm trying...hopefully this is good for a couple of weak laughs. -crosses fingers and braces self-

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THE WOLF, THE BITCH, AND THE LAPTOP

Part 2

Sakoru: I'm converting the others to my delusions, one person at a time! -traipses into Shinkou via laptop-

Demin: As luck would have it, the most resentful and revenge-seeking one of us is the only one to see her go...-pokes laptop-

Laptop: -SHININGLIGHTDEVOURSDEMIN-

Demin: Aaaagh holy craaap!

Narrator: So he finds himself, surprise surprise, in Shinkou...when suddenly--

Twilly: SLEDGEHAMMER OF DOOM! -pounds Demin on head-

Demin: Why does everyone in this play insist on doing me bodily harm?!

Narrator: --he's attacked by the Bitch's dwarf!

Twilly: Damn straight.

Narrator: AKA, the Bitch's bitch.

Twilly: Damn str--heeeey, waitaminute.

Bitch: Whazzup, Thwiller G?

Twilly: ...for the LAST TIME, it's TWILLY! -_-

Bitch: Watch yo' mouth, Thwiller G, else I'll ban yo' ass to Narnia!

Twilly: What's Narnia? ._.

C. S. Lewis: Only my fantasy land filled with religious allegory that you are TOTALLY RIPPING OFF right now!

Maker of this Play: -flushes C. S. Lewis down the toilet- I highly respect you. Honest.

C. S. Lewis: You are so going to heeeeeell......

Narrator: Anyway...back to the, uh, story at hand.

Twilly: Bow to the Bitch!

Demin: Oh hell, she can't be any more bitchy than my older sister/brother Kiku...

Bitch: -dramatically reveals her face- Oh, but I am....-eyes gleam evilly-

Dramatic Music: -begins-

Narrator: And with gaspshockhorror, we see that the White Bitch who has so bitchily taken over Shinkou is none other than--

Ave: MWAHAHAHAHAHA -chokes, gags-

Twilly: -sighs, shakes head- She never could get the hang of the evil laughter. But she's bitchy and evil nonetheless.

Ave: Damn straight, Thwiller G. Now get in mah Sleigh Ride of Doom, n00b.

Demin: I'm not a n00b! I'm Demin, and I'm a real boy!

Pinocchio: -sniffles- Lucky bastard.

Ave: O rly? -evil schemingness- So tell me, Demin, how many siblings ya got?

Demin: Uh...I'm out of school right now, so this'll take a while...-painstakingly counts on fingers- Kiku...Azure...Sakoru...Kiku...oh wait, did I count her already? Umm, Demin, that's me...

Ave: So....there's four of you? -_-

Demin: ...oh yeah, there are! Wow, you must take math in college!

Ave: -eyebrow twitches- Don't...remind me. Anyway, you hungry?

Demin: Do you have cookies? -drools-

Ave: Nope, just some pot.

Demin: You...eat pot?

Ave: Beats snorting it or smoking it. -hands Demin a joint-

Demin: ...um...okay...-snarfs it down- Whoa, dude...the colors...

Ave: Yes, white is the new black.

Demin: Dude, like...my hands...are so BIG! -stares at them-

Ave: So you'll bring all your siblings to me so I can kill -- er, welcome them?

Demin: Sure, man. Dude, psychadelic!

Ave: Okay, get lost so you can enact your weird revenge tactic on everyone. And don't worry, it'll definitely not backfire on you.

Demin: -blinks- That's what I said in part 1! -points- Whoa, the words are, like...changing and stuff...groovy, man...

Ave: I'm tired of you now. Thwiller G?

Twilly: -_- Yes, Bitch. -dropkicks Demin-

Demin: Duuuuuuuuuude....! -crashlands in front of Sakoru-

Sakoru: Demin! Sweet! Now, even though we're the least-believed kids in the bunch, the others'll TOTALLY buy this delusional story!

Demin: Yeah, man...

Sakoru: -still talking- ...and Miz Blitzy was perfectly fine, she even gave me a sponge bath, I guess the Bitch didn't get her at all!

Demin: The...Bitch...? Dude...

Sakoru: Yeah, the White Bitch who took over Shinkou. Hey, Demin, you look kinda...high...

Demin: Well, I am! I mean, I'm not! I mean...oh [grrr], I just lost the Game. -_-

Everyone in the Play: HAH, nice going, stupid.

Sakoru: o.o; Er, moving on...

Narrator: They go back through the laptop...

Sakoru: -jumps on top of Kiku- I ARE MADE OF WIN!

Kiku: ARGH, bitch, I need my beauty sleep!

Azure: No amount of sleep is gonna fix the atrocity that is yer face... -ducks- Don't hurt me!

Sakoru: Okay, now, even though Demin said he was gonna not back me up as his revenge, I still totally trust him...right, Demin?

Demin: Girl, I don't know whatchoo talkin' 'bout.

Sakoru: I am not a drama queen, I am not a drama queen, I am not a--ah screw it. WAAA!! -runs out of room sobbing-

Kiku: Oh good, now I can sleep.

Azure: Pssst. I think we're supposed to be supportive older siblings now...

Kiku: Why?

Azure: 'Cause otherwise, Sakoru'll never make her cookies for us again.

Kiku: Oh damn! -squishes Demin and cartwheels after Sakoru-

Demin: -is squished- First betrayal...so did not backfire on me...-passes out-

Sakoru: -cannonballs into Prof Itena-

Itena: There is no logical explanation for me being in this exact spot at this exact time of night, so thank goodness for plot conveniences!

Loony: -storms in- Y'all are one shenanigan away from being castrated--

Itena: o.o; Um...Loony, instead of castrating my guests, can you just give 'em hot chocolate?

Loony: -glares- All right, but I won't be happy about it. -sulkingly rolls Sakoru down the stairs-

Sakoru: I'm, ow, feeling so, ow, much better, ow.

Itena: As for you....-picks up Kiku and Azure and carries them into private room-

Azure: O.o We're being raped!...?

Kiku: I'll eat yer toes!! ;;

Itena: So, you guys suck as older siblings.

Azure: We know. -glares at Kiku-

Kiku: And we'll continue to suck! Good day to you, sir.

Itena: Oh no you don't! -lassos the door shut-

Kiku: How come everyone in this play pulls off these badass tricks for no reason?

Maker of this Play: 'Cause they PWN.

Azure: Anyway, for plot furtherance's sake...Itena, Sakoru keeps talking about a sex-crazed person named Blitzy who lives in a crazy white world called Shinkou. We have raised our eyebrows at this.

Itena: Shinkou, eh? -strokes beard-

Kiku: You, uh, didn't have that beard a second ago.

Itena: Yes, but I needed to stroke something while I thought...

Kiku & Azure: ...

Blitzy (in Shinkou): Lulz, she said stroke something. xD

Itena: ...ANYWAY, you should believe Sakoru.

Kiku: Why?

Itena: 'Cause I said so. And I'm the older, wiser, bearded one here, ain't I?

Kiku: Damn your logic! It makes too much sense!

Narrator: In the interest of time, let's say that Demin and Kiku got into a tiff again...

Kiku: -eats Demin's toes-

Demin: I hate you. So, so much.

Kiku: -dropkicks Demin through window-

Narrator: ...thus causing Loony to lose it...

Loony: Oh, that's it. You boys are SO losing your [grrr]es today!!

Narrator: And even though only one of them was actually a boy--

Demin: Me, of course. Everyone hates me. And I hate everyone. What a surprise.

Narrator: They all bolted for the laptop--

Sakoru: This doesn't make any sense for you to hide in, but let's gooooo!

Azure: That's all right, we're still operating under Itena's undeniably logical logic...

Kiku: Last one there's a castrated loser! -pushes Demin back and divebombs into laptop-

Demin: -_- This is starting to get old.

Narrator: ...and, of course, end up in Shinkou.

Kiku: I knew it all along!!

Sakoru: Lies!

Kiku: Truths!

Sakoru & Kiku: -duke it out, family-style-

Azure: Ahh, nice to see the family love ripe 'n' kickin'...

Demin: -hides-

Kiku: Omgwtfbbq, you know what I's just realized?

Azure: Schwhat?

Kiku: Demin's full of LIES!!

Demin: I...lost the Game again. o.o;

Azure: Oh, well, I guess that's punishment enough.

Sakoru: ...I want you all to meet sexy Miz Blitzy!

Azure: But won't she rape us?

Sakoru: ...maybe. But she's hott so it'll be fun! Let's go!

Narrator: And to EVERYONE'S surprise--

Maker of this Play: Except mine! (:<

Narrator: --and except for everyone who knows the basic story that this play is ripping off--

Maker of this Play: Hey, Narrator, you wanna get flushed too?

Narrator: --which is no one at all-- >.>

Sakoru: Blitzy's been SEXNAPPED!

Azure: ...sexnapped?

Sakoru: It seemed an appropriate term for her.

Kiku: Oh, look! A plot-convenient explanation. -reads- By Shinkou's Forum Rules, blah blah blah, for associated with newbs, yadda yadda yadda, Blitzy has been given three warnings and is expected to ultimately be banned from the forum, yak yak yak, signed prettily and pinkly, Endymion. Long live the Bitch.

Azure: You skipped reading a lot.

Kiku: No, they actually wrote out the blahs and yaddas and yaks. -points-

Demin: -_- That was a cheap joke.

Maker of this Play: Shut it, everyone-hates-you-boy! I'm running low on ideas >.>;

Sakoru: We've got to save Blitzy before she's banned! Without her, Shinkou just wouldn't be as sex-crazed!

Kiku: By gosh and by golly, we can't leave this forum to be sex-deprived! That's a crime against humanity, that is!

Random Bird: Yo idiots. Tryin' to get your attention here for the last, like, fifteen lines.

Azure: You have? -looks up- I don't see any reference to you...

Random Bird: Screw it. Someone's here to talk to you.

Zizzie: I LIVE!

Kiku: Aw, it's a cute li'l Z. C'mere boy.

Zizzie: Yer the boy.

Kiku: -blinks- Am I? -checks pants- o.o ARGH! Loony must've castrated me without me even realizing it!!

Demin: ; That isn't messed up...at ALL...

Zizzie: Dun wanna talk to you no more. Sakoru, everyone in Shinkou wants yer cookies. So come with me before Ave the Bitch and her pink-obsessed wolf Endy get to you first.

Sakoru: You gonna help Blitzy?

Zizzie: Umm, durr. She's only, like, the best I've ever had. -whispers- Don't tell my wife that.

Everyone Else: ...

Narrator: And on THAT awkward note...I leave you in suspense as to what will happen next.

Maker of this Play: Be suspended, damn you! Suspended!!

Narrator: Oh, that is so desperate.

Maker of this Play: THAT'S it! -flushes Narrator-

Narrator: Nuuu, back to my daaaay job....

Maker of this Play: What're y'all still doing here?! Get lost, I'll write more later! -flounces away-

[demin]

.... I lost The Game... twice.... I hate you Fely. -.-

[twilightsshadow]

Lol.

[Aveilthé]

HAHAHAH! That was epic xD I like the part when Z comes in and says, I LIVE!

[Lil' Red Riding Loon]

Castration powers ftw! <3

[blitzkreig]

Everyone must save Blitzy! D: They MUST!!

[twilightsshadow]

I got to smash people with my hammah.

[Felypsa]

Haha Demin, you didn't lose the Game twice...I lost it twice, as I was writing this play. No joke. And it just so happened than it was your line that was next whenever I lost it...x3